3 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Cheating, Even Though They’ve Been Distant Lately9 days ago
I’ve been cheated on in the past, and ever since it happened, I assume that all of my subsequent partners will cheat on me, too. So when my last boyfriend started seeming disinterested in our relationship, I instantly assumed it was because he wanted out or liked someone else. However, I had to remind myself that it was most likely my old baggage building my way into my new relationship with a good man. So I started asking myself, what are signs he’s not cheating, even if he might be remote and withdrawn / refused in the relationship? It’s important to stay grounded, especially when you’re guessing the worst.
When we’re in fear, it’s easy for our intellects to jump to conclusions. It’s not like when there’s commotion in our relationship, we instantly assume the best. Usually, we connect the dots of questions that don’t exist. But we need to take into account other things that are going on in our partners’ lives and learn not to take them personally. Merely because my significant other doesn’t talk a lot at dinner one night, or we don’t have sex for a week, doesn’t mean they don’t like me anymore … probably.
Just to make sure, I asked Susan Winter, relationship expert and best-selling author, the ways to tell your partner is still being faithful, despite potentially being forgetful in your relationship. Because it’s important to differentiate between what’s a real concern in a relationship, and what’s your insecurity talking.
1. You Know Their Morals Are Aligned
I’ve been cheated on in the past, so I tend to bring that fear into all of my relationships. If person doesn’t answer my text within a few hours, then they are definitely cheating! There’s no other plausible excuse, such as work or a personal life issue. But then, I started dating a human who told me flat-out that he had never cheated before and would never cheat on me now or in the future. He was vehemently against it, and it was against his moral code. So I had no choice but to take his term for it.
“There’re lots of guys that have a code of ethics that accompany them into their relationships, ” tells Winter. “They’re simply not cheaters. You have to know who your guy is at his core.”
If you know deep down your partner is someone with a really good head on their shoulders, then it’s best not to jump to conclusions and assume they are cheating.
Winter says to ask yourself, “What are his values? What is his attitude on the importance of trust and loyalty? If these are the principles he holds dear, then it’s unlikely he’d compromise them with you.”
Don’t presume the worst in people, especially people. Instead of jumping instantly to blamed if there is inconvenience in your relationship, try to approach the concern first with empathy and understanding, particularly if your partner is the type of person who deserves it.
2. They Likely Have Another Stressor On Their Mind
“In[ a woman’s] world, silence is an indication that something’s wrong. In a man’s world, his stillnes can simply entail he’s decompressing, ” tells Winter.
In my last relationship, it was actually the opposite. I crave a lot of peace and alone time, while my need for quiet actually induced my boyfriend uncomfortable. He took it personally. But in relationships, it’s important not to take responsibility for our partner’s emotions and assume the worst.
“It isn’t always’ about us, ‘” she continues. “We fool ourselves into thinking we’re the centres of our man’s every waking thoughts and emotion. We’re not. He could be distracted by something at work or considering what he’s about to do next.”
Sometimes, you take a bad week at work home with you, or issues with your family are plaguing you and affecting you in the bedroom. It’s important to understand that, as individuals, we have a world that exists outside of the relationship, too. Take that into consideration if your partner seems withdrawn or isn’t devoting their undivided attention at all times.
“Don’t presume his mood is about you, and don’t turn it into a number of problems. Picking him apart by insisting that his silence or moodiness is somehow related to you or the relationship is a big mistake, ” Winter adds. “He may not know why he’s quiet or distant. And if you give him a plausible reason (‘ it’s the relationship’ ), he may simply believe you.”
By worrying and conveying our concerns through anxiety, sometimes, we create problems in our relationships that don’t exist. It’s always best to ask questions and communicate openly rather than making assumptions.
3. They Don’t React Negatively If You Tackle Them About Their Behavior
When you’re lying about something and someone calls you out on it, your normal response is to have a huge reaction. You get upset that they’re even asking you or accusing you of being unfaithful. You’ll get defensive — angry. You’ll make up some longwinded tale to get yourself out of it. On the other hand, though, someone who isn’t cheating will react calmly when asked such a question.
“If you decide to ask him directly, his first reaction is likely to be embarrassment. His response will feel natural in its delivery, ” tells Winter. “This is something that’s come out of nowhere, and he doesn’t have a pre-scripted answer. He’ll have to organize his intellect to take in what you are implying, so he won’t be’ practiced’ at his response.”
So essentially, their answer won’t feeling rehearsed, but instead, it will feel because it is. “A guy who’s cheating will instantly jump to the defensive. He’ll feign righteous outrage, ” she continues. “He’ll protest mightily and act wounded and upset that you’d ever believe such a thing. Then, he’ll do the turn-around and switch to the offensive. He’ll begin attacking you, projecting that this is your remorse, anxiety, or insecurity.”
When it comes to cheating, it’s important not to assume the worst, even if there’s distance in your relationship. People go across things in their personal life, and sometimes, you take it home into your relationship. Don’t take things personally, or generate problems that were likely to not exist. But if you want to get to the bottom of the questions, come to the situation with love and empathy and openly communicate, rather than jumping to anger and accusations. Your relationship will be better off for it.
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Do alpha males even exist? | Dean Burnett25 days ago
Dean Burnett: Donald Trump has repeatedly been described as an alpha male, but theres no scientific proof that such a thing even exists in humans
We all know what an alpha male is. An alpha male is a man who takes charge, one who imposes his will on others , not the other way round. Other humen want to be him, girls want to be with him. An alpha male intimidates, hes unquestionably in charge , no matter what the situation. An alpha male is loud, brash, doesnt care what anybody else supposes. An alpha male says what he wants, does what he wants, wears what he wants, as long as those clothes are roomy enough in the trousers to accommodate his gargantuan gonads and dont dissolve in response to all the testosterone constantly leaking from his pores.
Thats members of the general notion, anyway. But the idea that human men can be alpha males is actually far from scientifically accepted. This may come as a surprise, dedicated how common and widespread the notion is. The latest example would be Donald Trump in his presidential debates. People have labelled him an alpha male, Nigel Farage even defended Trumps obscene commentaries about girls as alpha male boasting and compared him to a silverback gorilla, which for those very well known primate anatomy is actually quite an insult. So what, scientifically, is the case for alpha males among humans? As ever, its somewhat complicated.
I Want To Be Borne With You30 days ago
8 Things You Need To Know If You’ve Ever Asked “Why Doesn’t She Just Leave? “1 month, 9 days ago
The question that is always asked of victims of domestic abuse is” Why don’t/ didn’t you just leave ?” I know sometimes even victims don’t really understand why.
I’ve heard that question over and over. While there are many different reasons we dedicate for not lead, there is a” scientific explain” for why it is so difficult to leave an abusive situation. I will explain the cycle of indoctrinating as studied using Psychologist Robert Jay Lifton but will be discussing it as it specifically are related to domestic abuse.
Last year, after years of hiding my abuse from almost everybody I knew, I decided to publicly share my tale. Recently, after my research on brainwashing, I went back to read the tale I had written last year. I was shocked. Each experience I described was the step by step indoctrinating process. What’s even more shocking, is that my abuser was only 15 years old.
I am not a Psychologist, I speak from years of personal experience and from spending time with women who have suffered domestic abuse. When somebody’s only objective is to keep you loyal, they will go to great lengths to achieve it.
This is what the brainwashing process looks like 😛 TAGEND
Stage I- Breaking Down the Self
Step 1- Assault on Identity: When somebody is trying to control another, they begin to assault their sense of ego, their identity. They start to say things that cause the victim to doubt who they are.
” You are a slut .” ” You’re worthless .” ” You are not a good mama .” ” You are ugly , nobody will want you .” “This is your fault.” “,NN, You built me do this .”
Hate It Or Love It, You Have To Play ‘The Game’ If You Want The Guy1 month, 18 days ago
When young singletons brave the dating world, we basically have to amp up, suit up and prepare to take the gridiron. Dating today is a game, and it’s a fierce one at that. You risk get stomped on, sacked and tackled, all for the slight chance you could get a free breakaway to the end zone, ultimately scoring a touchdown( aka, seeing the love of their own lives ).
It is not news to anyone that the dating world is a game. Why else would the common reaction to receiving a text message from a crush be, “I’ll wait, like, three hours to react? ” Dating is a game with ever-changing rules that are universally familiar to us all.
We know to not answer immediately. We know to not follow someone too soon on social media. We ignore people we actually really like for days. We are told not to double blow upa crush. We would never ever actually pick up the phone and call a crush. The list goes on and on.
I, for one, hatethe game. I personally think it is immature, and I’m flat-out over it. I’m over feigning I don’t care. I’m over the insecurities and the power struggles involved in the game. I yearn for simplicity in the dating world.
The topic of video games came up just the other night over dinner with two of my best guy friends. Among the two of them, one is essentially the male version of myself and also despises thegame of dating, while the other is the polar opposite. This friend is someone whoepitomizes the dating game. He runs the display. In fact, he basically holds the rule book. On this night in particular, he was my and my fellow dating rookie’s coach. We sat on the bench( our bar stools) with baited breath, ready to take instruction and quite literally run with it.
While hashing through a dating dilemma, our coach bluntly stated( in a Southern accent ), “Y’all can hate on the game all you want, but it ain’t going anywhere.” His terms struck a nerve in me. The concept of what he said was so simple, yet notruer terms had ever been spoken. I disliked what he said so much because it was the inevitable truth I had been denying my whole dating-game-hating life. That truth is simple. When it comes to dating, play by the rules, or you’re not going to score in any way, shape or form.
Sure, I might be the game’s biggest hater. I can dislike all I want, and I can even band together with a fellow dating game hater. But really, has detesting it ever helped my dating life? Utterly not. Whenever I’ve had a love interest, I’ve operated under an attitude of, “F* ck the game, I’m going to text anyway.” All of these hours, it has never worked out for me and the guy I had my eye on. Every. Single. Time.
If you’re read this and mentally backtracking to the times you thought, F* ck the game and are now realise it didn’t work up for you, cheers to you. I feel you.So, what’s a single-but-hating-the-game chick supposed to do?
Based on the wise men terms of my coach, I feel I have no choice but to suit up and reach the field. The dating game is filled with rules, spin moves and roundabout victories. But if everyone else can handle it, I sure as hell can, too. I may get a few bumps and bruises along the way, but hell, if I can reach that breakaway and finish my game on a high note, I’ll have the wise words of my coach to thank.
The magic number: how many people have you slept with?1 month, 21 days ago
From a 40 -year-old virgin to a role-play devotee, real people disclose everything theyve learned between the sheets. Cautioning: adult content
You didnt go all the way unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life
Jane, 81, three partners
My grandmother was a Victorian and wouldnt mention the lavatory. For her, sexuality would have been something a woman suffered rather than enjoyed.
Coming to London in 1955 was a revelation. My friend and I shared a flat with three chaps. This was unheard of at the time, but by gosh we had fun. There was a bath in the kitchen and, if you didnt want to miss the party, people could hand you a drink through the curtain.
But Id never go all the way. You couldnt enjoy sexuality to that extent, because youd be afraid of losing control. We had no contraception. You didnt go further unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life. Even when you were married, you were holding back, in case you got pregnant again. That destroyed a lot of the pleasure for women. The greatest liberation was the contraceptive pill. That changed everyones attitude to sex.
I marriage at 24 and had two children, but I used to wish I could have sex just for the sake of it. Im divorced now and, a couple of years back, a male acquaintance asked, Are you still active? And I supposed, whats he on about? My arms and legs still run. I can walk about. Then I realised it was a euphemism for sexually active. When I told my grandson, he burst out chuckling. Hed have to be fairly damned gorgeous, but I dont guess I could now. A man of my age would expect me to cook his food. I cant be bothered with that.
I went on Grindr when I was 16, and I was frightened
Paul, 20, three partners
When I was really young, I imagined myself being with a woman, because that was the norm. Growing up and used to identify I was gay changed everything.
At my age, a lot of gay men are quite sleazy. Straight men are likely the same. People sleep around, and its not my scene, so finding a long-term partner can be difficult. I recollect going on Grindr when I was 16, and I was terrified because older humen started sending me photos. I was like: what are you doing? Youre 40. Is that OK? That 40 -year-old humen can approach 16 -year-olds?
Its very easy for lesbian men to find sex. If I wanted to have sex tonight, I could probably find someone, but I wouldnt feel the connection. I could go on Grindr, chat person up and invite them round, but I dont like the idea of inviting a stranger into my house.
I miss people actually talking to each other, instead of being online. You ensure 90 s Tv programmes where people go up to someone in a bar and say, Hi, can I get your number? And I think, that would never, ever happen these days.
Ive not been in that situation yet, but I think sex is likely best when youre in a relationship, because youre more comfy around one another. When you dont know person, you always think, Oh God, is this OK? Am I doing this right? Especially if theyre more experienced than you. Ive slept with guys whove had more experience and guys whove had less, and you can tell the difference, so I always wonder: can they tell that about me?
There are lots of things that are way more pleasurable than penetration
Matt, 28, more than 25 partners
The sex we see in the media is one-dimensional. Its nearly always penetrative, and that might be how you construct babies, but its not the best style to induce your partner climax. I had an illness when I was a child, which meant I lost one of my legs. Disabled people have a blessing in a manner that is, because they learn that there are lots of other things that you can do that are style more pleasurable.
I discovered that confidence is a trick when I was at university. Its a style of holding your head up and faking it, because women dont actually care how you seem. But I also realised that the best thing I could do was to learn how to induce women genuinely enjoy themselves. So much of sex education is not based on female pleasure at all. A lot of men have a narrative in their head about how sex should play out, which objective up prohibiting genuine experimentation. Some humen get intimidated by a woman who is sexually empowered or open because its not what they were taught was meant to happen.
Burger King Instagram remarks help catch an unfaithful boyfriend2 months, 3 days ago
Thanks to social media, secrets have no place to hide.
One unfortunate boyfriend received this out after he made what he thought was an innocuous comment on a Burger King Instagram photo.
He felt the need to share the story of his drive-through experience with his “girl” to the wide world of Instagram. He likely didn’t think that anyone he knew would insure his comment among the hundreds that pepper Burger King’s Instagram.
But lo and behold, person did see it.
Instagrammer shanlee_rose then proceeded to tag some of her girlfriends in the post, so she could get some backup on the issue.
“F ** king knew it, ” one of her friends commiserated.
“I told you I considered him with a girl, ” the other concurred. All evidence pointed to the inevitable fact that this guy was about to get roasted alive in Burger King’s Instagram commentaries, of all places.
But the boyfriend wasn’t going to go down without defending himself first.
So, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, we’d just like to remind you to not be stupid on social media. Because relationships can be made and broken anywhere.
Even on Burger King’s Instagram.
Lost for words? A new app writes witty texts so you don’t have to2 months, 17 days ago
Now you can crowdsource the funniest possible responses to messages youve received. Its basically Cyrano de Bergerapp
If you suffer from a lacklustre text life, help is at hand. Nattr, a new app that has been getting a lot of chatter, lets you crowdsource clever responses to text messages usually texts from people you want to have sexts with. Back in the olden days, people used to send screenshots of conversations to their friends and, in a panic, ask: What should I say? Thanks to technological innovation, todays young can ask random people on the internet for semantic supporting via what is basically Cyrano de Bergerapp.
When I say todays young, I entail YOUNG. Im 32 ie doubled persons under the age of most Nattr users. Asking teens for advice on my lexical love life constructed me feel like a creepy weirdo. I also worried that all my replies would read: Go home, mum, so I experimented with changing my age to 25.
As well as other Nattr users, you can ask your phonebook for responses; your contacts are informed of your dilemma via an anonymous text. So, my dentist may have received a message that said: Natalie says shes not sure if we have textual chemistry, how should I react? If he did, he didnt write back.
The apps special sauce, however, is its ability to deliver reactions crafted by Nattrs team of handpicked writers and comedians, identifiable by a superstar on their avatar. If you arent a handpicked member, you can earn a superstar by amassing likes.
One Nattrati member, standup comedian Leah Knauer, will handcraft responds. A recent question she tackled was: How can I ask an American girl out in a way that she will find witty? Her respond: If shes blond: You look like youre made of angel-hair pasta and some sort of powdered gold. I know that sounds weird, but I mean it in a good way.
Nattr is free to use, but you have to buy charms to view responses from starred users such as Leah. For $3.99( about 2.80 ), you get 500 charms; unlocking or requesting a response from a writer/ comedian costs 300 charms. This is a clever business move. A locked answer teases you with potential: perhaps this pun will be the one; perhaps this reply will persuade Natalie that, actually, Im exceedingly funny, but most of my gags go over her head.
So, whats the verdict? Will Nattr up your text game? A few people have told me they found it useful. However, if youre over 30, Nattr may simply leave you feeling oldr and not much wisr.
Read more: www.theguardian.com