13 Quotes That Are Just Too Deep For You To Manage

2 days ago

Philosophical quotes. There are too many of them and most of them aren’t even deep. Want to see what I mean? Go on Tumblr and click on the first thing you assure. It will probably be a picture of a silhouette, or some blooms or something with writing over it saying something like “ Showers wash away the bad supposes. Someone out there loves you . ” Terrible .

But we’re into funny doctrine. It’s much better. It would be far too easy only to quote a loading of Jaden Smithtweets … so we’ve only done that a couple of times.

1. We’ll start with one to be safe …

2. Rudyard Kipling was a fantastic devotee .

3. The only real friend this cruel world has to offer .

4. You’re the person you hate the most .

5. Last one. We promise .

6. Was this written with the weak hand so whoever did it didn’t get caught ? 7. That poor dog .

8. When a packet makes you think about life .

9. To be fair …

10. That red-nosed, sarcy puppet is asking for a slap .

11. We feel you, brother .

12. They’re right .

13. And we’ll leave you with this one …

Feel like Socrates? If you do, run get yourself checked out. 13 stupid internet quotes should not have that effect.

Tell us what you think in the comments ! — >

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21 Fun Scene And Tweets To Greet In The Weekend

8 days ago
1. This is going to end well … 2. Karma ….

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3. Gutted

4.

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5. All good here …

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6. How Leo’s Oscars are going to go down

7. A special guest ..

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8. Ouch …

9.

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10. How green is your salad ?

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11. Will they thank Steven Avery in their speech ? 12. Bread on your face .

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13.

14.

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15.

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16. Things are about to kick off . 17. I have a weird various kinds of respect for the man’s aspiration .

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18.

19.

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20. Good to keep your alternatives open .

21.

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This Theory Suggests Kim Kardashian Is A Secret agent

19 days ago
Kim Kardashian has been fooling us this whole period. Here I was, thinking that she was one of those celebs that never truly had a talent and got by thanks to her showboating public image. How wrong I was- it turns out she’s a secret agent .

This crackpot theory hasn’t been dreamed up by some stoner on Reddit, but is the brainchild of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corp. Vanity Fair reports thatthe groups Organized Cyberspace Crimes Unit believesKardashian isworking for Instagram as part of a complicated ploy to target young people and women.

How does she carry out her evil? By targeting them with aspirational photos showing alifestyle that conflicts with Islam. Whilst the two may seem completely unconnected, Kardashian’s grandparents immigrated to the US from Armenia, which borders Iran.

Shot a fun tutorial today with @makeupbymario use only drug store products on my app! Link in bio

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@ kimkardashian) on Apr 26, 2016 at 10:07 pm PDT

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A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@ kimkardashian) on Apr 23, 2016 at 6:05 pm PDT

Mostafa Alizadeh, a spokesman for theIranian Revolutionary Guards Corp, said on a local news program 😛 TAGEND

“Ms. Kim Kardashian is a popular fashion model so Instagrams C.E.O. tells her, Construct this native.There is no doubt that financial support is involved as well. We are taking this very seriously.”

The organisation believes that Kardashian social media accounts arepromoting a culture of promiscuity, weakening and rejecting the institution of family, ridiculing religious values and beliefs, promoting relationships outside moral regulations, and was published private pictures of young women.

Wow. Just Wow …

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A Collect Of The Unluckiest Names Going

1 month, 2 days ago
1. Thanks mothers, they will love that at school .

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2.

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3. As opposed to a lighthearted one …

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4. Don’t they all ?!

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5.

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6.

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7. Wow …

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8. Actually not that unlucky, depending on how you feel about Star Wars

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9. Sick of this constant shaming- leave the guy alone .

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10.

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11. A compliment …

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12. To me, this says that this guy is enthusiastic during sexuality, which is a good thing, right ?

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13. Poor Rich …

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14 .

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16. During an election campaign it’s important to stand out …

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17. This has to be fake …

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Lipstick Shaped Like Penis Is Now Actually A Thing You Can Buy

1 month, 4 days ago
Well, kids- it’s officer. The future is upon us. You can now smear a dick-shaped object all over your mouth in public without it being weird !

Warning: NSFW and somewhat rudey-dudey content ahead.

Well kind of, people will still stare. But hey, at least your lips will be cute.

The worst proportion is that these rude lipsticks have actually existed for years, apparently, but they’re only just coming to sun now. How horrible to know we’ve been missing these beauties this whole time.

They have a pretty good similarity to a trouser snake, except for the colour. Some of them are definitely not the kind of colour you would ever want your bits to turn.

The best part? They’re super cheap. Only 1.06, in fact. So you could have 14 pretty funny dick shaped lipsticks for the price of one Mac lipstick. Why ever would you not?

Uhhhhhhhh I love this

A photo posted by The Skinny Jewish (@ prozac_morris) on May 18, 2016 at 6:18 pm PDT

You can buy them here if you imagination it.

Though, uh, perhaps hold back employing it in public unless you’re feeling particularly brave. Or drunk. Or both.

Go forth and smear penis on your face, people.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments

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Overheard In Waitrose Will Make You Feel Great About Yourself

1 month, 29 days ago
Waitrose, what a place. It’s like a supermarket, but it’s not just any supermarket, it’s Waitrose .

As you can probably tell from that wordy, detailed introduction I haven’t spent a whole lot of time in Waitrose, but like others I have my preconceptions, and this Twitter account reaches it on the head. I doubt these things ever happened( the top one aside) but it’s still funny.

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31 People Who Supposed They Were Getting Scenes With Celebrities But WerenaEUR( tm) t

1 month, 30 days ago

You see a famous person. What do you do? Leave it? Hurl abuse? Get a scene? We don’t know to be honest. We’re all a-listers here at helloU so we’re pretty chilled about it .

But whatever you do, these guys find it is essential that they document their meeting with a photograph which, as you know, typically last longer than simply looking( there should be a phrase about that .)

But there’s a problem with their pictures of famous person … there’s no famous people in them.

1. Just the President of America paying a low-key visit to Paraguay

2. The only similarity that guy has with Bill Murray is that Bill Murray probably once wore green

3. Just a human with a beard

4. Bruno’s being particularly intimate

5. That’s probably that guy’s biggest pulling technique

6. To be fair, she seems delighted

7. Again, simply a bearded man ! 8. OK fair enough he is prettyidenticalto Hugh Laurie .

9. Ian Mckellen chillin’ in a Russian bar

10. Apparently? We can see it. You did .

11. Looks good for 72

12. That guy’s espousing it

13. Lorde looks like she’s had one too many

14. The other guy looks more like James Blunt than he does Marylin

15. He’s gone back to his 1994 hair eventually !

16. Making sure he doesn’t speak and give it away

17. Not even remotely similar ! 18. You met a bald man with glasses. There’s loads of them . 19. Another bearded human .

20. Blonde girl in what looks like a Wetherspoons saloon

21. He’s got the hair down but that’s it

22. From ten years ago ?

23. We’d know if that was Shia, he’d have stabbed him by now

24. It’s like someone seriously described Steven Tyler over the phone to them

25. Never mind not Taylor Swift. What’s up with that affiliation ?!

26. Second comment has it right

27. With all his cash behind him

28. No clue-ney

29. He’s just happy for the attention

30. To be fair, he does have two chains

31. Did they have to share the adult liquor ?

Amazing.

It’s hard to say you wouldn’t take advantage of it if you appeared just like a famous person.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments !

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Guy’s Love For Dominoes Saved His Life After He Didn’t Order For 11 Days

2 months, 5 days ago

If you’ve ever worked at somewhere that serves food, you’ll understand the caring attitude that staff develop toward regular customers .

And no , not regular customers who turn up once a month. We mean, that guy who turns up at 11:34 AM exactly every day for his beaker of black coffee, for which he always has the exact change to pay for.

And you hear about how his wife has just put up new curtains, and which uni his child got into.( Hi Jon from the cafe I used to work at. Send Susie my love !)

Well, being a regular customer actually saved this guy’s life.

Kirk Alexander, from Oregon, was saved by Domino’s Pizza staff after they realized he hadn’t ordered food in 11 days.

Staff at a Salem Domino’s Pizza became concerned for the man, 47, where reference is failed to place an order in nearly 2 week. So much so that they are able to sent one of their delivery drivers to his home to check on him.

When Tracey Hamblen, an employee, knocked on his doorway just after midnight on Sunday, he didn’t respond. Which, to some, might not have seemed too strange because, you know, people sleep after midnight.

Tracey knew something was up, however, and called 911- and Kirk was found by the emergency services on the floor of his home after suffering an alleged stroke.

Dominoes general manager Sarah Fuller told KOIN that Kirk has been ordering from the branch since 2009, so they knew it was odd that they hadn’t heard from him in so long.

“He orders every day, every other day, ” she said. “His order pops up on the screen because he orders online. So we see it come across the screen and we’re like,’ Oh, Kirk’s order’.

“He orders all the time, so we know him. I think we were just doing our undertaking checking in on someone we know who orders a lot. We felt like we needed to do something.”

Not to point out the flaws in this heroic tale, but the daily Dominoes pizza can’t have helped his health problems. That doesn’t, however, faulting the caring nature of the staff at his local Dominoes.

Amazing. What do you think? Let us know in the comments

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This is what users do after a Netflix binge

2 months, 13 days ago

Netflix data shows what people do after a binge.

Image: APAP Photo/ Elise Amendola, File

People can only binge so much before they need to shivering, according to new Netflix viewer data released this week.

In a study of more than 86 million viewers’ habits across 190 countries, the streaming service found that virtually 60 percent of watchers take a break after binging on a show.

SEE ALSO: No, Netflix’s The Crown isnt about feminism. It doesnt have to be .~ ATAGEND

In a post about viewing routines released Wednesday, Netflix said that watchers usually take around three days off before jumping into another series. And during that breaking more than 60 percent of those viewers opt to watch a movie.

Gene Wilder, who played ‘Willy Wonka’ and ‘Young Frankenstein, ‘ dead at 83

2 months, 27 days ago

Gene Wilder in “Young Frankenstein.”
Image: John Springer Collection/ CORBIS/ Corbis via Getty Images

LOS ANGELES Gene Wilder, the visceral, wild-haired comedic performer and writer who played Willy Wonka and starred in dozens of cinemas including the Mel Brooks classics Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein , has died, his nephew confirmed in a statement Monday. He was 83.

Wilder died of complications from Alzheimer’s at his home in Stamford, Conn ., according to the statement from Jordan Walker-Pearlman. Wilder had chosen to keep his illness private, Walker-Pearlman said, because he “simply couldn’t bear the idea of one less smile in the world.”

Though he started out as a stage performer, Wilder’s violate came in 1968 with the role of Leo Bloom in The Producers , for which he was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka and Peter Ostrum as Charlie Bucket on the define of “Willy Wonka& the Chocolate Factory, ” in 1971.

Image: Silver Screen Collection/ Getty Images

A few years later, he reluctantly took the title role in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory , one of those turns that the passageway of hour with a little help from the omnipresent “Condescending Wonka meme have rendered all the more beloved.

Wilder was a frequent collaborator with the greatest comedy minds of his time, including the late Richard Pryor. Beginning with Silver Streak , the two appeared in four movies together including Stir Crazy , See No Evil, Hear No Evil and their 1991 reunion Another You .

Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor in “Silver Streak.”

Image: Hulton Archive/ Getty Images

But it was his relationship with Brooks which began via an introduction via Brooks’ girlfriend, which eventually led to the Producers role that produced what are widely considered the greatest slapstick cinemas of all time.( In fact, in a Vanity Fair interview published only hours before news of Wilder’s death Monday, Brooks calls Blazing Saddles the “funniest movie ever made.”)

On screen, Wilder balanced a madcap, wild-eyed physicality with the sense that he was the smartest guy in the room components that often triggered off one of his many signature freak-outs. It was that chemical reaction that always built him unpredictable, a live-wire who was as ferocious as he was playful and irreverent.

Wilder took a writing credit on nine of his cinemas, including Young Frankenstein , but insisted in a 2013 interview one of his last that he was never much of a comedian.

“I’m really not[ funny ], except in a slapstick … in cinemas. I induce my wife laugh once or twice in the house, but nothing special. But I don’t think I’m that funny. I believe I can be in the movies, ” he said.

Wilder’s acting career slowed down significantly in the late 1980 s, which he largely attributed to future directions in movies that he didn’t much care for.

“The swearing and the loud bombing … every once in awhile there’s a good movie, but not very many, ” Wilder sad during the course of its 92 nd Street Y interview. “If something comes along that’s really good, and I’m good for it, I’d do it. But not too many came along. A bunch came along for 15, 18 years, but then not too many.”

Wilder’s nephew said that Alzheimer’s began to take hold three years ago, but that he retained much of his faculties until the end 😛 TAGEND

Wilder was marriage four times, including to Saturday Night Live alum Gilda Radner, who died of ovarian cancer in 1989. He is survived by Karen Webb, a clinical supervisor who coached him on lip-reading for his role in See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and whom he married in 1991.

Gene Wilder at the 2013 US Open with spouse Karen Webb in 2013.

Image: Uri Schanker/ WireImage

Walker-Pearlman’s statement concluded 😛 TAGEND

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