I’m Grateful Even Though I Lost You, Because Now I Know That My Heart Can Love

19 days ago

My best friend told me you were my punishment for being a cold hearted bitch for so many years. And the thing is, I can’t contradict her. She’s right, nobody has ever melted my ice heart before.

That’s just how I am it happens so rarely that someone catches my eye. I am beyond picky. I have never fallen in love, because the butterflies from my stomach, the ones that only make their appearance once in a blue moon, always fly away so quickly. I thought that maybe something was wrong with me, with how my brain was wired, that maybe I’m just not capable of having more than platonic feelings and superficial crushes. I couldn’t understand why I acted this way, why I got bored with every single guy I dated, even though I liked them in the beginning. I wished I was different, I wished I could fall blindly in love like everyone else around me did. But no matter how much I loved the idea of love, it just wasn’t working out for me. I couldn’t force my feelings, no matter how much I tried. My eyes always saw all too clearly every imperfection, everything that just didn’t fit.

Getting guys’ attention was never a problem. But the more attention they gave me, the more I receded back into my shell. The more they praised my beauty and declared to me their eternal love, the more I realized how shallow they were because they “fell in love” with how I looked, without even trying to get to know who I am. I got used to being single, on my own for so many years. I was a cold hearted ice queen and I was okay with it. I didn’t need anyone. But I wanted someone by my side. I wanted someone that could read me, because no one else could. I wanted a friend and a companion.

And then you appeared in my life.

The irony of life to fall in love with the only guy you can’t have a future with. The irony to fall madly, blindly, stupidly in love exactly when you don’t want to.

You made me feel things I’ve never felt before, you made me so happy. You made me feel loved. When you were with me, you calmed me down, all the background static from my mind stopped. For the first time I felt like someone instinctively understood what I wanted. But you also hurt me like no one did before. I felt such an excruciating pain when you gave up on us. I could feel it in my chest, in my stomach, in my throat. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t stop my tears. I’ve never imagined a heartbreak could physically hurt so much. The thought that I lost you forever was unbearable.

I am no longer angry now, I am no longer hurt. I forgave you and I forgave myself. My tears have dried out and my heart is forever scarred, but I’ll wear the stains you left on my soul proudly. I know what we had was real, I know we were crazy about each other. We were two fools, two perfect strangers falling more and more in love while rambling the narrow streets of my city. A few too short weeks of white nights of naked conversations and an eternity of pain of being away from you. That’s what we had and it was enough.

I know it’s over now, I know I lost you, but last summer, with you, will always be one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

The beautiful moments that we shared, I have that forever and nobody can take them away from me. I am so grateful that I got the chance to meet you. You’ve warmed up my soul, you showed my heart how to love. I have never had such strong feelings for anyone else and it frightened me. My fears paralyzed me, they made me distrustful and I made so many stupid mistakes. I am so sorry. Please forgive me if I let you down. I’m only human, I didn’t know any better. But I was crazy about you. I don’t know what you did to me, but you crept into my soul so quickly, so unnoticeably.

I no longer have regrets. I understand that things needed to happen this way. I wouldn’t changeone single chapter in our story.I needed to lose you to fully appreciate the time we had together.I needed to lose you to realize how much I wanted you. Because I couldn’t admit it to myself. I was foolish and selfish, I made so many mistakes, but I needed to learn my lessons. I needed to learn to trust my heart. I am sorry I couldn’t fight for us. You didn’t even give me the chance. But that’s okay, I understand. I still miss you like crazy but Iwant you to be happy and I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on life. Neitherof us deserves that. So, I’m letting you go. And I’m letting myself go, free to live my life, without you.

I know now that there wasn’t anything wrong with me; I just hadn’t found the right guy yet. I know now that I fall for the sweet, honest guys. I liked you so much because you were so optimistic about life and you had a kind heart. You were smart, humble and funny. I felt like I could be myself around you. I never got bored of you. I don’t regret anything that happened between us and I am so grateful to have met you, because now I know that my heart can love. You taughtme how. Thank you. Thank you for being my sweet punishment.

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The science behind the spark: How data factors into compatibility

1 month, 24 days ago

Image: pixabay

In 2017, observing a life partner one who will stay where you are you through thick and thin, who shares your core belief and whose side-of-the-bed preference was complemented by your own seems to be more about “love at first swipe” than “love at first sight.” With the rise of apps and online dating services, there are more technologically advanced alternatives than ever before for procuring that special person.

Love is increasingly a game of numbers in our data-driven world. According to a recent study by eHarmony Australia, over two-thirds of Aussie singles have a “suite” of people with whom they’re romantically involved to some degree( “talking to, ” dating or just maintaining on the back burner ). In fact, the average single Aussie has 6.9 people they’re currently involved with in some kind of romantic capability.

These numbers may seem daunting. How is it possible to find The One in this confounding dating scenery, where ghosting is the norm and you’re likely one of about seven people your latest love interest is texting?

But numbers can also be your comrade in the dating game.

The love enzyme: The Spark

The “spark” is an oft-used word for the high that accompanies a burgeoning relationship. But what, exactly, is it?

According to this TED-Ed video, all five of your senses play a role when it is necessary to physical attraction. Sight is the most obvious, though the perception of visual beauty can change dramatically once someone starts talking, calling its importance into question when stacked against what the other senses are deciphering as you assess a new acquaintance.

More and more, however, attraction is being defined by the way someone attains you feel, and that is driven by how two people spark off each other. It can be that undefined reason why you instinctively flirt with person or persons and not another. What a person says, their tone and body language contribute far more to that inexplicable feeling than physical beauty alone.

According to eHarmonys survey of over one thousand Australian singles, the three ingredients for the spark include: Easy flowing of conversation, how much the person or persons stimulates you laugh and how quickly you feel at ease around them. And the spark is generally evident relatively early on: Fifty percent of Australian singles expect sparks to fly by the end of the first date, and only 12% believe it’s something that can develop over hour.

The love superfood: Compatibility

It is commonly said that opposites attract, but the data says otherwise. Those differences that initially arouse us can eventually make tension and misunderstandings in relationships. Long word happiness seem to be bloom when there is more similarity. Basically opposites attract and then assault, so determining person that is compatible is more important than you may have first believe. eHarmony has defined 29 dimensions that can help you find partners with whom you’re truly compatible, through methods driven by hundreds of thousands of longitudinal analyses of couples globally. From physicality to emotional energy, there are literally dozens of factors that come into play to turn those first tentative “nice to meet you”s into “I do”s.

There are six key segments: Emotional temperament, social style, cognitive mode, physicality, relationship skills, and values and beliefs. From there, it gets more granular. Relationship skills, for example, delves into factors such as communication style( how a person verbalizes her or her thoughts and feelings ), emotion management( how a person reacts to anger or fluctuations in mood) and conflict resolution( how a person treats showdown ).

We know, we are aware: Data analysis doesnt sound particularly sexy. But when it comes to finding the person youll expend the rest of your days with, isnt it reassuring to have science on your side? If you’re ready to find true compatibility instead of navigating a world of seemingly endless swiping, visit eHarmony today and let the sparks fly.

Watch next: This app lets you send real kisses to your long-distance lover

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Tinder Couple Finally Gets Acquainted After 3 Years – Video

2 months, 26 days ago

They’re fairly cute together right?

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10 Tiny Signs You’re In A’ Good’ Relationship

3 months, 18 days ago

” My parents had a very good relationship ,” I often hear my clients say.

” What do you entail by good ?” I ask.

” They didn’t fighting. They spent a lot of hour with each other .”

That may have been the definition of good relations years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.


Is kindness more important to each of you than having your style, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive pleasure out of being kind to one another? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

Spontaneous Warmth and Affection

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and convey it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within one another, rather than just the faultings? Are you be permitted to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

Laughter and Fun

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with one another, letting yourselves is just like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

Enjoying Time Together and Time Apart

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside hour only to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you penalty when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together since they are really loved it, while others spend a lot of time together out of dread of left alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on one another. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A Method for Conflict Resolution

All relationships have some conflict. It is not existing conflicts that is the question, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues merely maintain get swept aside? If opposing is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

Letting Go Of Anger

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, penalise your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection. Practising the Inner Bonding process is a powerful way of letting run of fury and blamed and moving back in kindness.

Trust in Your Love for Each Other

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other- and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are , not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

Listening, Understanding, Accepting and Learning

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without dreading being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling one another? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?


Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with one another about what brings pleasure to each of you?

Freedom to be Yourself

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you pleasure? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to mended the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be caring to themselves and each other.

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9 Things People Wrongly Assume When You’re An Optimistic Person

4 months, 6 days ago
1. That you’re just nave to how the world runs .

Clearly you merely don’t yet, right? Your cheery disposition means you’re young to how things happen and, in time, you’ll learn the truth. Um, or perhaps you DO know and BECAUSE of that you’ve decided to look at things glass half-full. People will accuse you of wearing rose-colored glass, but perhaps they’re just jealous that they don’t have a pair.

2. That you’ve never experienced loss or trauma .

You just haven’t really been through anything.
-_- Puhleaseeee. Ignore that idiotic bull. You can suffer extreme loss and still maintain a positive attitude. Some people merely do. And it’s never something to feel shamed for. Keep on glistening. We could all use a solid flashlight to wade through the dark.

3. That you’re “faking” it .

No one is like that. You’re just trying to impress someone, or pulling this fakey-nice-nice veil to get away with something else. God forbid you’re just different kinds person who believes in the very best, even if you’ve seen your fair share of the opposite.

4. That you don’t have any real problems .

Some of the strongest people I’ve known aren’t exactly the people you’d assumes have triumphed against terrible odds. The goofy ones. The class jester, looking at silver linings when everyone can only watch clouds. The human spirit of survival seems different for everyone. Maybe this mentality is how they carry onward. Don’t judge.

5. That you’ve never experienced depression .

Everyone gets sad. No one is disputing that. But depression is something most varied. Whether it’s chronic or situational, depression can hit anyone. It doesn’t pick and choose based on how smiley person seems, or if appeared as though they walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. Depression doesn’t solely exist in pessimists( you can be a pessimist and never struggle with depression ), and it doesn’t skip over all the optimists. It can hit anyone, any time.

6. Or anxiety .

Same can be said with nervousnes. We all release a little cortisol( the main stress hormone) from time to time. But chronic nervousnes ailments don’t only show up in visibly Woody Allen-level neurotic people. Some people are very talented at covering up what’s really going on inside. You never genuinely know. Unless you know. Ya know?

7. That you’re always happy .

You’re human, so…no. You aren’t always happy. Because you aren’t a weird robot ??? Optimists can( and do) have off-days.

8. That you’ve always got the right thing to say.

Just because you try to stay positive in situations doesn’t mean you aren’t just as lost as everyone else. You love being there for the person or persons you care about, and giving advice when you can, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got words of wisdom for every situation. All you can promise is that you’ll listen and love. And that’s really what matters.

9. That you can’t be logical.

There’s this terrible idea that people who are excited about life, those who look at the world like it’s full of greatness( even if they know the bad shit also exists) are somehow not logical beings. They function based on feeling and feeling merely. Nope. Not true. They are just as intelligent and able to think things through as their “realistic” comrades, they just do so with a said he hoped that things will work out for the very best. And candidly? We all need those individuals in our lives.

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7 Signs You Don’t Love Him, You Love The Idea Of Him

4 months, 15 days ago

As humans, we are attracted to certain people and we are capable of grow feelings without even realizing it. You don’t have to be in a relationship; you don’t even have to have had sex with the person.

But these feelings is not necessarily reciprocated. This leads to heartbreak, overthinking, unanswered questions and confusion.He could seem perfect but still be wrong for you.

It’s easier to fill the void of rejection from one with the acceptance of another. Even if that other is a second selection, perhaps person you left on the back burner.Sometimes we want love so bad that we prefer quantity over quality.

In every living thing there is the desire for love

— D. H. Lawrence

But is what you’re feeling for this new person love? Or do you merely love the idea of him? Here’s how to tell you love the idea of him.

1. You miss him only when you are alone.

You go the whole day without him traversing your intellect. Then, as you get into bed, you are sitting there wishing there was someone next to you. Physical affection is significant and no one should go too long without it.

If you are feeling sad or lonely, those are normal impressions. This does not inevitably mean that you miss him, but more likely mean you miss having person . Someone to kiss, someone to touch, someone to feel with. Remember that feeling lonely is normal andtemporary .

2. You rationalize his behavior.

If he makes a rude comment, you overlook it. If he talks down to you, you ignore it. If he’s rude to your friends, you turn a blind eye. If he changes the subject, you let him.

There is a difference between being laid-back and delusional. Building excuses for someone doesn’t help you. If you make it a habit, you will let that irritability grow deep inside of you. You may end up losing it or even resenting the person.This hurts only you .

3. You start to change your views or opinions.

You find yourself questioning your values and what you think matters. You morph your notions around his opinions. Perhaps your wants and passions have dwindled or decreased. Stay away from this behavior as this could lead to settling.

You don’t deserve to settle; you deserve the best. As frustrating as it can be when you don’t have it all, it is that much more fulfilling and worth the wait when youdo.

4. You often fantasize about future memories.

You find yourself imagining future journeys and escapades. You focus more on the health risks of what could be versus what actually is. Hope is a beautiful thing but ask yourself if you’ve gotten carried away. Is thefantasybetter than the reality?

5. There are things you want to change.

Would you want someone to change you? Likely not. If you do want to make some changes, this has to be something youdiscover and then figure out for yourself.

6. You compare yourself to other couples.

You think if you merely changed this one thing, you would be just as happy as that other couple you jealousy so much. However, mostcouples that use social media to jostle their visual happiness through your corneas are theleasthappy.

This does not apply for all.However, in myexperience, I have noticed the happier couples are usually the ones that are actually out being happy rather than the ones presentingrepetitive updates and lengthy explanations of how happy they are.

7. You begin to question what you deserve.

Stop that right now. I’ll say it again, you deserve the best in all aspects of life. Fight for the job, the love and the life you deserve. Never settle.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by creed — which is living with the results of other people’s believing. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and hunch. They somehow already know what you genuinely want to become. Everything else is secondary

— Steve Jobs

This article was originally published on the author’s personal blog .

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I Want To Be Borne With You

4 months, 23 days ago

This might sound weird, but I merely want to sit in a room and be borne with you. I want to stare at wall-to-wall carpet with you while thinking about hair. I want to drink lukewarm Bigelow tea with you. I want to watch mediocre TV with you and have low-grade headaches with you and feed bowl of overcooked pasta with you. I want to buy store-brand wheat bread with you. I want to start a dialogue about something controversial with you until both of us realize we dont know enough about it so we have to switch to talking about food. I want to trace the grain on an artificial timber tabletop while playing four-letter nouns in Bananagrams.

This will be after the not-bored years. Three vacations to hot, photogenic places. Forty Gchat reactions so strong we see the little foxes. Seven passive-aggressive auto rides, fourteen unintentionally backhanded compliments, five misguided ice-outs. An afternoon when we take our career choices out of our heads and set them on the table and stab them with little sticks and forks. A fight where someone throws a spoon. One night that feels like ten, when we go to a strangers apartment and laugh at their accent wall and stand on opposite sides of their room wailing obscure pasta shapes.

After all thatI want to be bored with you.

Not bored of you. Bored. We can drive a Toyota Camry to a strip mall in Jersey, park outside a Rite Aid and chew the insides of our cheeks. We can stare at a concrete column and listen to a Chilis ad. I can touch my one long eyelash and you can pull your one long eyebrow hair. We should do this when its cloudy.

We can let go of all our affectations and all the things we say at parties. We can let go of funny and exciting and interesting and offensive and microaggressive. We can stop trying to be the versions of ourselves that will get the most dopamine, the versions that have been engineered by and for everyone around us. We can stop auto-transcribing everything that happens between us and filtering it into the Good box or the Bad box. We can stop all the overcommunicating and signaling, we can stop being semaphores for whatever we want to feel.

But we can only be borne after weve been everything else. We can only be borne after weve wanted to fuck each other and kill each other, after weve been monumentally silent and pitifully loud. After weve fallen through the canopy of clever gags and Dimly Lit Honesty and what-do-you-think-about-this-disaster-that-happened-yesterday-in-another-city-another-country-another-another-another. After weve arrived at the gray bedrock of our relationship, which isnt fun or tormented or worth blogging about. After weve walked back and forth fifty days over the same conversational thread and constructed one another crazy with everything weve said and not said.

Have you ever put your lips in neutral mode and let your cheeks kind of fall into their pockets just because? Just because? Have you ever picked wax from your left ear while cirrus clouds fall apart and you breathe trace amounts of diesel fuel?

The best things are bearing. The best moments are bearing. They dont light up a timeline or a desktop background or a dialogue, and no matter how much you try, you probably wont recollect them. They are the temporal equivalent of muscle, and without them youd get nowhere.

The best people are the boring ones, too. They are the human equivalent of marble. They bought a Yankee Candle last week but they havent lighted it yet.

So perhaps if it all is all very well, we can end up in the entrance to a 30 -year-old Rite Aid. Well stand underneath yellow light and look at all the Lemonheads and those little tubes full of what look like smaller M& Ms though they arent M& Ms. Well put our hands in our jacket pockets and walk down aisles of plastic superheroes and lawn chairs.

We can stop at the candles, open one or two, and pick the one that smells most like nothing in particular. Just a vague combination of flowers and fruit.

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Why Telling ‘I Love You’ At The Wrong Time Could Make It Meaningless

5 months ago

We’ve all been in this situation.

You discover you have strong impressions for someone, you get swept up in the emotion and you suddenly think it’s time to blurt out those three words.

You know you want the other person to say them, too.

But merely because you want to say them, that doesn’t mean you should.

Before you blurt out something too early in a relationship for the incorrect reasons or with the incorrect motives read on to see if you’re on the right path.

So, you met someone new and clicked with him or her.

It’s exciting when you’re both together.

You constantly find yourself thinking about him or her when you’re apart.

But is it love, or is it only lust and infatuation?

Well, for starters, the feeling you’re probablyexperiencing isn’t actually real love.

M. Scott Peck, author of“The Road Less Traveled, ”defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of fostering one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”

Falling in love, however, is more like a sex-linked, erotic experience.

It is a false perception of reality, an illusion.

This romantic love( or honeymoon period) will eventually aim in any relationship, even if the relationship buds into real love and continues.

The “in love” feeling will dissolve and give way to the realization that an imperfect person and imperfect relationship necessitates work.

This work is the real love.

We can’t force ourselves to fall in love with someone.

When we do, we generally presume it’s the real thing, even if we weren’t attempting the impression or didn’t have anything in common with the object of our affections.

It’s one thing to detect someone who likes the same food, pastimes or interior decor.

But, it’s another thing wholly to find a person who had shares your values, beliefs and morals.

However, the ironic portion is, you might immediately rule out a possible life partner simply because he or she doesn’t using the same taste in music.

However, having said this, feeling in love is oftena precursor to real love.

It can’t always be ignored or dismissed.

Now, let’s question most people’s motives for saying, “I love you, ” and why this can cause ill feeling, sadnes and heartache.

Most people say the three magic words for one reason: They are hopeful the other person will say them, too.

We all need to feel validated, especially in romantic relationships.

We are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and uncovered, so we want someone else to feel the same way.

The fact is, there are no assures in life.

Saying, “I love you” is being willing to put yourself in a hugely vulnerable place, especially considering the fact you may be left hanging.

Therefore, we should only ever tell person how we feel if we are sure it comes from the heart.

Our words should not be dependent upon the other person’s response.

You have to be in a position where you are aware of the possible reaction your words may get.

Be prepared to deal with the consequences.

One thing we should all practice when we feel these emotions is giving them time.

The first time you feel like saying it is never the right time.

We’ve all been in relationships or known friends in relationships who fell the L-bomb in the first week of dating.

Some of you reading this will be having a “WTF ?! ” moment right now, and I hear you.

But the fact is, I’ve been guilty of this myself.

Even now, I often find myself feeling like I want to say, “I love you” within sevenmonths of getting to know someone.

But I rightfully hold myself back from saying it. It’s merely too soon.

This doesn’t mean I can’t say other things that actually have more meaning.

You can say things to your SOthat let him or her read between the lines.

You can showyour SO that he or she is very important to you without putting yourself entirely on the line or scaring him or her away.

There are lots of things you can say if you take the time to think about them or write them down.

You can tell your SO you are happy you shared its own experience with him or her.

You can tell your SO you’re glad he or she is in your life.

There is an infinite number of heartfelt things you can say that will construct him or her feel important and pretty amazing, if you merely use your imagination.

Perhaps more important than saying things is doing things.

Anyone can say, “I love you” without meaning it.

Many people who have been on the receiving objective of this kind of “love” in the past will be wary of hearing words from you that don’t match up to your actions.

Sending blooms and buying gifts can be ways toshow person how you feel.

But, too many of these gestures will come across as too strong.

Small, thoughtful gifts are good, as are letters, cards or postcards when you are apart.

Remembering what your significant other said is also a very powerful route to present you care.

Each and every time you say or do something like this, you will get feedback.

Watch the style he or she acts, and induce that a more important indicator than what he or she actually says.

It’s easier to disguise the route you feel with your words than your actions.

When the time comes for you to finally deliver the three big words, you may not want to be dependent upon his or her response, but you also don’t want him or her to run away.

Taking an appropriate sum of time to build a trusting bond with someone and to invest in the relationship is the only style to know, deep in your heart, that you love someone.

Like I stated earlier, only devote it time.

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Don’t Lose Me, Chase Me

6 months, 4 days ago

I waited for you, for longer than I care to admit. My impressions for you were wildfire and my desert was without rain. I fell for you almost instantly, you were charming and charismatic. An electric type of man, the one that constructed other humen insecure and women practically fell at your feet. You loved to be adored and admired, to be the center of your lovers attention. Thats what you always wanted, and I like to give people I like everything I can so they have all they need. A foundation of life, of love and abundance.

You told me in little routes that I was special. Because you would let me in, something thats hard for you . . I acknowledge it wasnt always easy for me either, but I tried and I gave you honesty when you took me for granted. Repeatedly, over and over. Without so many apologies, never once did you even buy me blooms. But I was your baby at least you told me so at night. And while I grew angry at your lack of commitment or care, you procured other girls to love.

But I still cared. After everything, I still wanted you.

That was the fucked up component. I could get over abuse. I could move past sex shame and cravings to numb my pain.

But when I thought about you, my heart still felt the same.

I persuaded myself we were soulmates, born 6 months apart to the day. I thought your darkness balanced out my lighting. I thought that you were like pools of rain. Like the ocean in your eyes, brought just for me- the colour of sky. I wanted to dive into the depths of shallow waters and bathe in your hopes and anxieties. But I am the dirt, that grows in orchards and constructs knolls into mountains. Pushing out life and taking away demise. Molding into anything, but more often the home for life to grow in. Together, “weve been” dirt. Mud that attains seeds sprout open and generates the green Earth. We can attain one another grow into anything we want.

We shared the same dreams for our lives. With music, art and authenticity. We played sungs, and danced, and chuckled and played love together. I was there when you stole that gardening hat you like so much. I was there when you met your inner wild human. I was there when you needed a friend to help you up again. I was always there for you. Because thats who I am and thats how I love. Ride or Die. All in or all out.

But I broke my rules for you. I awaited around for your late night calls simply to fake the intimacy. What I wanted was your midnight kiss, your dreams and desires. To share your past and your future. To be there at your proudest moment and on your blackest day.

You make me feel so alive I would be crazy not to want it all with you .

Youre overwhelming and intoxicating. Youre liberty from being trapped in a magical lamp. You make me feel empowered and sexy, interesting and funny. You make me feel small and inconsequential. Not good enough and ashamed to gues I ever stood a chance. To say youre hot and cold, would be easy. You are terrible and divine. A power I have yet to understand but one I found I can control.

Thats right. I can have power over you. This is how .

I can play the nice girl and be your friend to lend a shoulder when youre down. I can be your baby, that shows you how to lay it down. I can be your caretaker, and treat you better than any girl whos been around. I can love you without emotional bounds. I can teach you how to mend your wounds. How to ascend like a tree in the forest. I can show you how to feel compassion for strangers, enemies and virtually anyone. I can do anything. I am not like those girls who came before me. Because I forgave you, because despite everything I will continue to care about you.

And most of all, because I am the girl who will never lay down and die. I can do it with you, I can do it without you. You dont need me is to say that you need me. You already know. So dont lose me while Im deciding if I should finally go.

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9 Reasons Why I Unapologetically Believe In The Power Of God

6 months, 12 days ago
I usually don’t talk about my beliefs because the comments segment of any well-thought-out article can be pretty brutal and I’m just now mastering the capacities not to reply to folly. On top of that, it annoys me that people don’t realize that only because I believe in God doesn’t mean you have to, but at the same time-don’t disrespect Him in my face. Honestly, for me, it will cause the same reaction you get when you instantaneously defend your mom if someone tried to hurl shade at her. To put things frankly, I’m not having it. So, proceed with caution. This isn’t intended to offend, but instead to defend those of us who know God’s love and power . Here are 9 reasons why I unapologetically believe in the power of God.

1. I devoted birth.

There isn’t a single spirit on Earth that can persuade me that we can endure such a challenge as giving birth on our own. Speaking from( very recent) experience, there is no way I could have given birth to such a beautiful, innocent vessel as my baby daughter without the help of God, himself . From the pain to the pleasure-nobody but God. Don’t try to convince me otherwise because it won’t work. If you haven’t had a newborn on your own, do you not get the same feeling when you define your eyes on such an innocent, perfect creation as a newborn child?

2. I have survived more than one near-death experience.

I am a firm disciple that merely God could have delivered me from what was once a very sweet savour of all my favorite drugs-that’s right. I’m not gonna tell you about how much I love God and then deny how I’ve experienced His power firsthand. He’s delivered me from many things-depression, craving, envy-and the listing goes on . I’ve had my life spared on numerous occasions and with all the commotion going on in the world right now that constructs me feel even more thankful for the times God has saved me. Those weren’t things that I could mentally beat, it was literally the grace of God.

3. It’s easier to trust God than to worry about things I can’t control.

My mama always said if you’re going to pray, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry, don’t pray. As a child, it was simply easy to repeat. As an adult, I wholly understand what she entailed now. It is so exhausting to sit and stress about things we have no control over. It’s silly. The God I serve will carry those onus for you . He won’t construct you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don’t believe me? Try Him for yourself.

4. God sees me in brand new light every day.

Unlike friends, household, and adherents, God considers us new every day. Every hour he blesses us to open our eyes to a new day He gives us a fresh start to get things right. He is a forgiving God. He doesn’t say,” Oh there’s Isis, the former drug abuser .” On top of that, He insures us all the same. God loves all His children . I don’t know about you, but I feel honored merely typing that. We are so lucky to be loved by such a merciful God. Lord knows, if it weren’t for His grace and mercy, I would have already been burning in hell.

5. God is better to me than I am to myself.

When I compare how I treat myself and how God treats me, all I can say is” thank God that He is in control and not me .” I’ve tried to end my life on many occasions, but none of the endeavors ever worked. Not even taking it as far as suicide, there are days where I’ve just let negative energy defeat me and God doesn’t want that for me. God doesn’t merely love me on my good days. He loves me unconditionally with every breath that I take . Now that I’m smarter and stronger in Him, I thank Him for always loving me more than I love me. I know it seems like hub-bub I genuinely do, but I know that anybody who has ever felt totally alone, down-and-out and still pulled through knows exactly what kind of love I’m talking about. Feeling God’s love is truly an experience.

6. I have never been in a more promising relationship than the one I’m in with God.

He’s my father. My best friend. My lawyer. My physician. My teacher. In other words, there is NOTHING too big for my God. He is everything I require Him to be, anytime I need Him to be it. When I’m lonely, He is my comfort. When I’m hurting, He is my healer. When I’m scared( or stupid ), He is my defender . He has induced promises to His disciples that I have yet to experience because I’m still growing in Christ, but there are also many promises that I am witnessing in my life firsthand.

7. I started paying my tithes and now I induce more money than I ever imagined-no lie.

Y’all. I kid you not. I started devoting God my 10% and when I tell you He blew my intellect Each week thereafter. I. AM. NOT. LYING. This is a personal journey that I foster you to learn more about . All I can say is that within a 3-month period of paying my tithes willingly and selflessly I ran from making a few dollars here and there to five figures! God( and my best friends) as my witness.

8. I have identified, recognise, and accepted its main purpose in life.

I’ll admit that when I started writing I merely identified it as something I loved to do. I didn’t really seem much further than that. Sure, I told myself that I was a good novelist, but I didn’t expect to be getting thousands of shares on my work. I didn’t expect to touch the lives of individuals all over the world that I’ll never have the pleasure of fulfilling . And I certainly cannot fathom what God still has in store for me! Since getting closer to God I have been able to work in my passion, better yet my calling in life and this is only the beginning.

9. Nothing feelings better than glorifying God.

At the end of the day , nothing feelings better than knowing I’ve tried to honor God. Whether through ballad, worship, writing, pray, or praise all the glory and honor goes to Him. I have never experienced a more fruitful and meaningful life than this one I’ve spent unapologetically chasing God . I’m not afraid to say that falling in love with His son was the best decision I have ever made.

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