3 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Cheating, Even Though They’ve Been Distant Lately9 days ago
I’ve been cheated on in the past, and ever since it happened, I assume that all of my subsequent partners will cheat on me, too. So when my last boyfriend started seeming disinterested in our relationship, I instantly assumed it was because he wanted out or liked someone else. However, I had to remind myself that it was most likely my old baggage building my way into my new relationship with a good man. So I started asking myself, what are signs he’s not cheating, even if he might be remote and withdrawn / refused in the relationship? It’s important to stay grounded, especially when you’re guessing the worst.
When we’re in fear, it’s easy for our intellects to jump to conclusions. It’s not like when there’s commotion in our relationship, we instantly assume the best. Usually, we connect the dots of questions that don’t exist. But we need to take into account other things that are going on in our partners’ lives and learn not to take them personally. Merely because my significant other doesn’t talk a lot at dinner one night, or we don’t have sex for a week, doesn’t mean they don’t like me anymore … probably.
Just to make sure, I asked Susan Winter, relationship expert and best-selling author, the ways to tell your partner is still being faithful, despite potentially being forgetful in your relationship. Because it’s important to differentiate between what’s a real concern in a relationship, and what’s your insecurity talking.
1. You Know Their Morals Are Aligned
I’ve been cheated on in the past, so I tend to bring that fear into all of my relationships. If person doesn’t answer my text within a few hours, then they are definitely cheating! There’s no other plausible excuse, such as work or a personal life issue. But then, I started dating a human who told me flat-out that he had never cheated before and would never cheat on me now or in the future. He was vehemently against it, and it was against his moral code. So I had no choice but to take his term for it.
“There’re lots of guys that have a code of ethics that accompany them into their relationships, ” tells Winter. “They’re simply not cheaters. You have to know who your guy is at his core.”
If you know deep down your partner is someone with a really good head on their shoulders, then it’s best not to jump to conclusions and assume they are cheating.
Winter says to ask yourself, “What are his values? What is his attitude on the importance of trust and loyalty? If these are the principles he holds dear, then it’s unlikely he’d compromise them with you.”
Don’t presume the worst in people, especially people. Instead of jumping instantly to blamed if there is inconvenience in your relationship, try to approach the concern first with empathy and understanding, particularly if your partner is the type of person who deserves it.
2. They Likely Have Another Stressor On Their Mind
“In[ a woman’s] world, silence is an indication that something’s wrong. In a man’s world, his stillnes can simply entail he’s decompressing, ” tells Winter.
In my last relationship, it was actually the opposite. I crave a lot of peace and alone time, while my need for quiet actually induced my boyfriend uncomfortable. He took it personally. But in relationships, it’s important not to take responsibility for our partner’s emotions and assume the worst.
“It isn’t always’ about us, ‘” she continues. “We fool ourselves into thinking we’re the centres of our man’s every waking thoughts and emotion. We’re not. He could be distracted by something at work or considering what he’s about to do next.”
Sometimes, you take a bad week at work home with you, or issues with your family are plaguing you and affecting you in the bedroom. It’s important to understand that, as individuals, we have a world that exists outside of the relationship, too. Take that into consideration if your partner seems withdrawn or isn’t devoting their undivided attention at all times.
“Don’t presume his mood is about you, and don’t turn it into a number of problems. Picking him apart by insisting that his silence or moodiness is somehow related to you or the relationship is a big mistake, ” Winter adds. “He may not know why he’s quiet or distant. And if you give him a plausible reason (‘ it’s the relationship’ ), he may simply believe you.”
By worrying and conveying our concerns through anxiety, sometimes, we create problems in our relationships that don’t exist. It’s always best to ask questions and communicate openly rather than making assumptions.
3. They Don’t React Negatively If You Tackle Them About Their Behavior
When you’re lying about something and someone calls you out on it, your normal response is to have a huge reaction. You get upset that they’re even asking you or accusing you of being unfaithful. You’ll get defensive — angry. You’ll make up some longwinded tale to get yourself out of it. On the other hand, though, someone who isn’t cheating will react calmly when asked such a question.
“If you decide to ask him directly, his first reaction is likely to be embarrassment. His response will feel natural in its delivery, ” tells Winter. “This is something that’s come out of nowhere, and he doesn’t have a pre-scripted answer. He’ll have to organize his intellect to take in what you are implying, so he won’t be’ practiced’ at his response.”
So essentially, their answer won’t feeling rehearsed, but instead, it will feel because it is. “A guy who’s cheating will instantly jump to the defensive. He’ll feign righteous outrage, ” she continues. “He’ll protest mightily and act wounded and upset that you’d ever believe such a thing. Then, he’ll do the turn-around and switch to the offensive. He’ll begin attacking you, projecting that this is your remorse, anxiety, or insecurity.”
When it comes to cheating, it’s important not to assume the worst, even if there’s distance in your relationship. People go across things in their personal life, and sometimes, you take it home into your relationship. Don’t take things personally, or generate problems that were likely to not exist. But if you want to get to the bottom of the questions, come to the situation with love and empathy and openly communicate, rather than jumping to anger and accusations. Your relationship will be better off for it.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more tales just like this !
Humen Playing With Stuffed Animals Is More Common Than You Might Suppose17 days ago
Health professionals tout the benefits of stuffed animalsin a child’s development.
For babies, stuffed animals are considered safe plaything, due to their soft texture, large size and throw-it-across-the-room-and-it-won’t-break durability.
For toddlers, stuffed animals offer a vehicle through which they can practice dedicating affection. Early school age infants become friends with their stuffed animals and have conversations with them.
But there comes a timewhen children move past stuffed animals, and no longer need the consolation and security they provide.
Instead of presenting love to and having imaginary conversations withtheir plaything, children make friends and interact with both parents and siblings.
In essence, they mature.
The stuffed animal is transferred fromthe bed to a shelf, then relegated to a closet or a box in the attic.
As adults, we enjoy keeping relics from our childhood.
It reminds us of happy hours and induces warm feelings of nostalgia.
Case in point: I still possess my childhoodcollection of American Girl dolls.
As a young girl, I often played when them, pretended they were my babies and carried them around with me.
I have kept them all of these years , not only because they are meaningful to me, but also because they worth quite a bit of fund as collectors items. I hope to pass them along to my daughter someday if I have one.
In the meantime, they sit in a row on a shelf in my closet and collect dust.
Not once has the guessed crossedmy mind to bring them out when I have a man over. To give one of them avoice and have her ask to have her hair combed or to be rocked.
If I did do this on a date, I can guarantee I would never hear from the guy again.
Recently, in the course of our weekday emailing, I asked a friend of mine how things were going with a guy shed been ensure for about a month.
Up to that phase, shed been into him.
He was sweet and solicitous, well-educated and polite. He treated her with respect and was easy to be around. But their last date hadnt gone well, and the reason why took me by surprise.
My friend explained 😛 TAGEND
So he has this stuffed shark. And, honestly, this isnt the first time its made an appearance.
The first time I thought he was using it as a pillow, so I tried to do the same, but he freaked out. He threw it off the couch and exclaimed, Its get crushed!
Despite mentally recoiling, I didnt say anything because I thought maybe I was being too critical or building too big a deal out of something that really wasnt cause for concern.
She continued 😛 TAGEND
But then the shark came out again last night. He was acting like a little kid with it, saying things like, Ahh, it’s coming to bite you!
His grandparents used to buy him and his brothers stuffed animals, so Ithought maybe it was from them. But when I asked him if there was a tale behind the stuffed shark, he made a joke about it, and I told,’ Don’t be creepy.’
He never answered the question, and I didn’t ask again.
I haven’t ensure his bedroom, so I don’t know if he has a whole village of stuffed animals in there. Okay, that was meant to be funny. I don’t think he does, but why does he watch Tv with this stupid stuffed shark, and why did he bring it out on our first night together at his apartment?
We observed her situation intriguing, if not a little disturbing, and were endeavoured to do a little research on the topic.
In our Googling, we learned that grown-up men who have stuffed animals is not as uncommon as we initially suspected.
In fact, according to a 2010 survey by Travelodge, 25 percent of men take stuffed animals, specifically teddy bears, with them when they travel to help fill a cuddle-void left by distant partners.
We were, in a word, shocked.
Twenty-five percentage of men who traveling are squirreling away stuffed animals in their suitcases.( That effectively ruined ogling men in suits at the airport for me .)
And, truly, how many humen out there are avid cuddlers?
Meaning , not only do they are asking for nuzzling at home, but their need for hugging is so great that while they are away on a business trip, they need a stuffed animal to compensate for the loss of a body next to them.
And how many of these men wouldnt instead use a pillow in lieu of toting a stuffed animal through airport security?
Over the course of the next several weeks, we continued to debate the topic: Is a stuffed animal an acceptable throwback to childhood, or is it just plain creepy?
My friend wondered, “What if he got the shark from my ex-girlfriend who died? ”
I said that would be sad, but still a little creepy that he would play shark attack with his new girlfriend with it.
Apparently, after asking what was up with the shark, my friend was informed that her date bought a Nemo stuffed animal at a yard sale and the shark was hurled in for free.
Still, it was weird.
Eventually, she aimed upbreaking up with him. She told him she never understood the whole shark obsession. He was astounded it was even an issue. I was just being silly! Im only a big kid !
Childlike spunk and being a kid at heart are wonderful qualities in a human, particularly for women who want to have kids someday.
Theres a reasons for girls are attracted to guys with kids at the park.
Men arent, by nature, nurturing beings, so ensure them running around a jungle gym with their childrenis attractive to women who arelooking for men to be hands-on parents some day.
But again, this only works if there are children present. Otherwise, a man without small children lingering around a playground is creepy.
Same goes for a stuffed animal.
If a guy uses it when he plays with small children, or if its a relic from his childhood which he keeps on a shelf or in the closet for posteritys sake, its a wholly acceptable throwback to childhood.
But if hes bringing it out during a date and devoting it a voice, its just plain creepy.
I Want To Be Borne With You30 days ago
Why Telling ‘I Love You’ At The Wrong Time Could Make It Meaningless1 month, 7 days ago
We’ve all been in this situation.
You discover you have strong impressions for someone, you get swept up in the emotion and you suddenly think it’s time to blurt out those three words.
You know you want the other person to say them, too.
But merely because you want to say them, that doesn’t mean you should.
Before you blurt out something too early in a relationship for the incorrect reasons or with the incorrect motives read on to see if you’re on the right path.
So, you met someone new and clicked with him or her.
It’s exciting when you’re both together.
You constantly find yourself thinking about him or her when you’re apart.
But is it love, or is it only lust and infatuation?
Well, for starters, the feeling you’re probablyexperiencing isn’t actually real love.
M. Scott Peck, author of“The Road Less Traveled, ”defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of fostering one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”
Falling in love, however, is more like a sex-linked, erotic experience.
It is a false perception of reality, an illusion.
This romantic love( or honeymoon period) will eventually aim in any relationship, even if the relationship buds into real love and continues.
The “in love” feeling will dissolve and give way to the realization that an imperfect person and imperfect relationship necessitates work.
This work is the real love.
We can’t force ourselves to fall in love with someone.
When we do, we generally presume it’s the real thing, even if we weren’t attempting the impression or didn’t have anything in common with the object of our affections.
It’s one thing to detect someone who likes the same food, pastimes or interior decor.
But, it’s another thing wholly to find a person who had shares your values, beliefs and morals.
However, the ironic portion is, you might immediately rule out a possible life partner simply because he or she doesn’t using the same taste in music.
However, having said this, feeling in love is oftena precursor to real love.
It can’t always be ignored or dismissed.
Now, let’s question most people’s motives for saying, “I love you, ” and why this can cause ill feeling, sadnes and heartache.
Most people say the three magic words for one reason: They are hopeful the other person will say them, too.
We all need to feel validated, especially in romantic relationships.
We are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and uncovered, so we want someone else to feel the same way.
The fact is, there are no assures in life.
Saying, “I love you” is being willing to put yourself in a hugely vulnerable place, especially considering the fact you may be left hanging.
Therefore, we should only ever tell person how we feel if we are sure it comes from the heart.
Our words should not be dependent upon the other person’s response.
You have to be in a position where you are aware of the possible reaction your words may get.
Be prepared to deal with the consequences.
One thing we should all practice when we feel these emotions is giving them time.
The first time you feel like saying it is never the right time.
We’ve all been in relationships or known friends in relationships who fell the L-bomb in the first week of dating.
Some of you reading this will be having a “WTF ?! ” moment right now, and I hear you.
But the fact is, I’ve been guilty of this myself.
Even now, I often find myself feeling like I want to say, “I love you” within sevenmonths of getting to know someone.
But I rightfully hold myself back from saying it. It’s merely too soon.
This doesn’t mean I can’t say other things that actually have more meaning.
You can say things to your SOthat let him or her read between the lines.
You can showyour SO that he or she is very important to you without putting yourself entirely on the line or scaring him or her away.
There are lots of things you can say if you take the time to think about them or write them down.
You can tell your SO you are happy you shared its own experience with him or her.
You can tell your SO you’re glad he or she is in your life.
There is an infinite number of heartfelt things you can say that will construct him or her feel important and pretty amazing, if you merely use your imagination.
Perhaps more important than saying things is doing things.
Anyone can say, “I love you” without meaning it.
Many people who have been on the receiving objective of this kind of “love” in the past will be wary of hearing words from you that don’t match up to your actions.
Sending blooms and buying gifts can be ways toshow person how you feel.
But, too many of these gestures will come across as too strong.
Small, thoughtful gifts are good, as are letters, cards or postcards when you are apart.
Remembering what your significant other said is also a very powerful route to present you care.
Each and every time you say or do something like this, you will get feedback.
Watch the style he or she acts, and induce that a more important indicator than what he or she actually says.
It’s easier to disguise the route you feel with your words than your actions.
When the time comes for you to finally deliver the three big words, you may not want to be dependent upon his or her response, but you also don’t want him or her to run away.
Taking an appropriate sum of time to build a trusting bond with someone and to invest in the relationship is the only style to know, deep in your heart, that you love someone.
Like I stated earlier, only devote it time.
The magic number: how many people have you slept with?1 month, 21 days ago
From a 40 -year-old virgin to a role-play devotee, real people disclose everything theyve learned between the sheets. Cautioning: adult content
You didnt go all the way unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life
Jane, 81, three partners
My grandmother was a Victorian and wouldnt mention the lavatory. For her, sexuality would have been something a woman suffered rather than enjoyed.
Coming to London in 1955 was a revelation. My friend and I shared a flat with three chaps. This was unheard of at the time, but by gosh we had fun. There was a bath in the kitchen and, if you didnt want to miss the party, people could hand you a drink through the curtain.
But Id never go all the way. You couldnt enjoy sexuality to that extent, because youd be afraid of losing control. We had no contraception. You didnt go further unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life. Even when you were married, you were holding back, in case you got pregnant again. That destroyed a lot of the pleasure for women. The greatest liberation was the contraceptive pill. That changed everyones attitude to sex.
I marriage at 24 and had two children, but I used to wish I could have sex just for the sake of it. Im divorced now and, a couple of years back, a male acquaintance asked, Are you still active? And I supposed, whats he on about? My arms and legs still run. I can walk about. Then I realised it was a euphemism for sexually active. When I told my grandson, he burst out chuckling. Hed have to be fairly damned gorgeous, but I dont guess I could now. A man of my age would expect me to cook his food. I cant be bothered with that.
I went on Grindr when I was 16, and I was frightened
Paul, 20, three partners
When I was really young, I imagined myself being with a woman, because that was the norm. Growing up and used to identify I was gay changed everything.
At my age, a lot of gay men are quite sleazy. Straight men are likely the same. People sleep around, and its not my scene, so finding a long-term partner can be difficult. I recollect going on Grindr when I was 16, and I was terrified because older humen started sending me photos. I was like: what are you doing? Youre 40. Is that OK? That 40 -year-old humen can approach 16 -year-olds?
Its very easy for lesbian men to find sex. If I wanted to have sex tonight, I could probably find someone, but I wouldnt feel the connection. I could go on Grindr, chat person up and invite them round, but I dont like the idea of inviting a stranger into my house.
I miss people actually talking to each other, instead of being online. You ensure 90 s Tv programmes where people go up to someone in a bar and say, Hi, can I get your number? And I think, that would never, ever happen these days.
Ive not been in that situation yet, but I think sex is likely best when youre in a relationship, because youre more comfy around one another. When you dont know person, you always think, Oh God, is this OK? Am I doing this right? Especially if theyre more experienced than you. Ive slept with guys whove had more experience and guys whove had less, and you can tell the difference, so I always wonder: can they tell that about me?
There are lots of things that are way more pleasurable than penetration
Matt, 28, more than 25 partners
The sex we see in the media is one-dimensional. Its nearly always penetrative, and that might be how you construct babies, but its not the best style to induce your partner climax. I had an illness when I was a child, which meant I lost one of my legs. Disabled people have a blessing in a manner that is, because they learn that there are lots of other things that you can do that are style more pleasurable.
I discovered that confidence is a trick when I was at university. Its a style of holding your head up and faking it, because women dont actually care how you seem. But I also realised that the best thing I could do was to learn how to induce women genuinely enjoy themselves. So much of sex education is not based on female pleasure at all. A lot of men have a narrative in their head about how sex should play out, which objective up prohibiting genuine experimentation. Some humen get intimidated by a woman who is sexually empowered or open because its not what they were taught was meant to happen.
Burger King Instagram remarks help catch an unfaithful boyfriend2 months, 3 days ago
Thanks to social media, secrets have no place to hide.
One unfortunate boyfriend received this out after he made what he thought was an innocuous comment on a Burger King Instagram photo.
He felt the need to share the story of his drive-through experience with his “girl” to the wide world of Instagram. He likely didn’t think that anyone he knew would insure his comment among the hundreds that pepper Burger King’s Instagram.
But lo and behold, person did see it.
Instagrammer shanlee_rose then proceeded to tag some of her girlfriends in the post, so she could get some backup on the issue.
“F ** king knew it, ” one of her friends commiserated.
“I told you I considered him with a girl, ” the other concurred. All evidence pointed to the inevitable fact that this guy was about to get roasted alive in Burger King’s Instagram commentaries, of all places.
But the boyfriend wasn’t going to go down without defending himself first.
So, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, we’d just like to remind you to not be stupid on social media. Because relationships can be made and broken anywhere.
Even on Burger King’s Instagram.
Lost for words? A new app writes witty texts so you don’t have to2 months, 17 days ago
Now you can crowdsource the funniest possible responses to messages youve received. Its basically Cyrano de Bergerapp
If you suffer from a lacklustre text life, help is at hand. Nattr, a new app that has been getting a lot of chatter, lets you crowdsource clever responses to text messages usually texts from people you want to have sexts with. Back in the olden days, people used to send screenshots of conversations to their friends and, in a panic, ask: What should I say? Thanks to technological innovation, todays young can ask random people on the internet for semantic supporting via what is basically Cyrano de Bergerapp.
When I say todays young, I entail YOUNG. Im 32 ie doubled persons under the age of most Nattr users. Asking teens for advice on my lexical love life constructed me feel like a creepy weirdo. I also worried that all my replies would read: Go home, mum, so I experimented with changing my age to 25.
As well as other Nattr users, you can ask your phonebook for responses; your contacts are informed of your dilemma via an anonymous text. So, my dentist may have received a message that said: Natalie says shes not sure if we have textual chemistry, how should I react? If he did, he didnt write back.
The apps special sauce, however, is its ability to deliver reactions crafted by Nattrs team of handpicked writers and comedians, identifiable by a superstar on their avatar. If you arent a handpicked member, you can earn a superstar by amassing likes.
One Nattrati member, standup comedian Leah Knauer, will handcraft responds. A recent question she tackled was: How can I ask an American girl out in a way that she will find witty? Her respond: If shes blond: You look like youre made of angel-hair pasta and some sort of powdered gold. I know that sounds weird, but I mean it in a good way.
Nattr is free to use, but you have to buy charms to view responses from starred users such as Leah. For $3.99( about 2.80 ), you get 500 charms; unlocking or requesting a response from a writer/ comedian costs 300 charms. This is a clever business move. A locked answer teases you with potential: perhaps this pun will be the one; perhaps this reply will persuade Natalie that, actually, Im exceedingly funny, but most of my gags go over her head.
So, whats the verdict? Will Nattr up your text game? A few people have told me they found it useful. However, if youre over 30, Nattr may simply leave you feeling oldr and not much wisr.
Read more: www.theguardian.com
7 Happy Couples That Detested Each Other At First Explain What Changed Their Intellects2 months, 24 days ago
Your Date’s Height Could Reveal If He’s Voting For Trump, Science Says2 months, 27 days ago
It’s the first date, and you WANT to know your date’s political beliefs before you get in too deep. But you also don’t want to completely kill the mood.
Ugh. TOTAL PICKLE, right? What’s a person to do?
Well, I’ve got a little trick for ya: Maybe pay a little extra attention to yourdate’s height. A recent examine published online in theBritish Journal of Political Science using data from Britain been shown that the taller a person is, the more likely he or she is to support a conservative politician.
So, that telephone pole of a basketball player you merely went on a date with? Odds are, he’s voting for Trump.
Sara Watson, co-author of the study and an assistant professor of political science atOhio State University, explained the findings 😛 TAGEND
If you taketwo people with nearly identical characteristics except one is taller than the other on average, the taller person will be more politically conservative.
Watson conducted thestudy with Raj Arunachalam, a senior economist at Bates White, LLC.
The researchers analyzeddata from the 2006 British Household Panel Study. As part of the study, over 9,700 adultswere asked to respond toa survey that included questions regarding their self-reported height, detailed income data and political beliefs.
The authors found that the link between height and political viewsoccurred for both men and women, butthe connection was virtually TWICEas strong for men.
For men, each additional inch of height resulted in a 0.8 percentage increase in their likelihood to subsistence conservatives, while each additional inch only resulted in a 0.4 percent increase for women.
According to Watson, theseresults aren’t as random or as weird as they may seem. There are lots of studies out there that discover that taller people generally earn higher incomes than shorter people do.
Researchers have also widely agreedthatincome plays a role in the way people tend to vote. People who earnmore and arealso taller, on average tend to vote more conservatively.
Of course, such studies is not from the United States, so it isn’t necessarily went on to say that tall people are voting for Trump. It’s just sayingthat they tend to vote more conservatively, and in the United States, Trump is our more conservative candidate.
But before you go and write your date off for being a hippie liberal only because she’s 5’4 ” or a woman-hating Trump supporter merely because he’s 6’3 ”, Watson wants to remind us, “Income and height play a role, but they are not political destiny.”
7 Periods Playing It Too Cool Keeps You From Being In A Real Relationship2 months, 30 days ago
One of my favorite things about my current relationship is that I dont “re going to have to” pretend to be someone Im not. I dont have to play it cool, and if Im thinking something, I can justit.
I know that mayseem like standard relationship stuff to any logical human being, but for me, this is all HUGE.
You ensure, this is my first real relationship. Of course, I had plenty of those almost-relationships( I guess the kids are calling them situationships these days) that lasted for weeks or months, without us actually talking about whatit was and what we were doing.
But none of those thing really amounted to anything more, which partiallyhad to do with the fact that I didnt really want anything with most of those guys.
But another( much bigger) part of it had to do with my incessant required to the chill girl.
Basically, I was so obsessed with coming off like nothing fazedme oravoiding being vulnerable at all costs, I objective up pushing plenty of decent dudes away.
Its funny because, historically, being the shivering girl is supposed to be the most surefire style to get you the guy but, in reality, it usually ends up being what makes you lose him.
When you told him you didnt would like to speak about it
Honestly, there were lots of hours I reallywant to talk about what was bothering me.
Talking about what was on my mindbrought about real, human FEELINGS. Not to mention, I would have to say actual words out of my mouth in real-time, rather than simply sending perfectly curated text messages, drafted with the help of a million of my friends.
What if I aimed up saying something psycho ?! What if I told him I liked him, and he didnt feeling the same route? What if I CRIED?
But from personal experience, I can tell you, the only thing worse than talking about your impressions istalking about them.
Id endurethese ambiguous, undefined situationships forweeks sometimes months with no real conclusion as to what we were doing, all because I was too scared to sit there and have a real conversation.
Sure, I likely came off as super chill on the surface, but what it did to me mentally was anythingchill.
Eventually Id lose the guy because( shocker !) hedidnt want to sit around with person in a situationthats going nowhere, without ever discussing what we were actually doing.
When you told him you didnt am worried about something you really cared about so much
One time, Ihave to have the talk with a guy and it didnt go as planned. He asked, Really? This isnt working for you? I love things the way they are.
Instead of being honest and saying , nope, this isnt working for me at all. I actually hate this with a burning passion, I decided to play it cool and go with a new, more~ cold~ response: No, I just wanted to see where you were at. I dont actually care.
So, becauseI technically didnt care, we went ahead and continued to do the whole half-ass, virtually relationship thing that gave me no grounds to get upset when hed abruptly fall off the face of the Earth for a few days or hook up with another girl for a few more months.
Eventually, whatever was going on between us aimed because I obviouslycare. I cared about what he was doing a lot. And it just got to betoo hurtful.
But instead of ending things before it got to that phase, I waited and awaited, continuing to pretend like I didnt care until I reached my eventual breaking point.
In retrospect, I believe all I did by saying I dont care in that dialogue was lose his respect. I suddenly became someone he going to lose , no matter how he treated me.
When you tried to make him jealous
This was a go-to move of mine in college.
In order to get the attention of the guy whomIlike, Id make it abundantly clear that I was being pursued by plenty of guys whom Ilike.
But I wouldnt do this in a blatantly obvious route. No, to keep up my chill girl posture, Id do it by nonchalantly mentioning that so-and-so invited me to their frat formal or that Im going to my exs house for a party.
Essentially, I said things that stimulated itI had other options thatall my eggs werent in this one basket.
Let me tell you how this one panned out for me: In what was essentially the worst case scenario, they all me. They believed I had all these other options whom I enjoy being with, so they never took me seriously maybe rightfully so.
When you lied or exaggerated to construct yourself seem cooler
This is just an embarrassing and cringeworthy one that weve all done at some point.
Pretending to watch a demonstrate you dislike. Pretending to care about a athletic you couldnt care less about. Feigning you LOVE music you hate. Pretending to understand jokes you wouldnt get without the help of Google.
To a certain extent, doing this is natural. You want the person you like to like you back, so youre going to do whatever it takes to appear cool to them. But it becomes a problem when you stop being true to yourself.
Best case scenario: This scheme works. This guy buys that you really love the same horrible TV present as he does and loves youyou have such similar savor as him. But now, he loves you because of someone youre not.
The worst case scenario is obvious and more likely: He considers through your lies, and you look insecure and slightly pathetic( sorry, but its true ), when youhave just been honest from the get-go and gained his respect for being true to yourself.
When you rejected him one too many times
I was big on rejection back in my day.
You assure, I was never one of those people who had a really hard time saying no. No came naturally to me, when it came to boys I liked.
I would get afraid if someone were pursuing me, and as a weird, counterintuitive result, I would be mean to them, reject them or literally operate( that was one time) from my feelings for them.
Im not gonna lie: In the beginning, its a great style to get a boys attention. A little bit of playing hard to get and a little bit of a chase is funand arousing. But eventually, it gets old and exhausting. And the person youre rejecting understandably devotes up.
When you needed five shots to be vulnerable with him
This was another one of my go-to college moves.
If, for some godforsaken reason, I HAD to be honest with a boy about “whats going on” or about how I felt, my scheme was to get drunk and have a talk with him while I assured him out at night.
Needless to say, this was a terrible scheme. First and foremost, I could scarcely recollect these super important, heartfelt conversations I was supposed to be having.
Second, I was saying was coming off at all like I had planned because I was hammered.
Finally, I was proving to my partner( and as a result, to myself) that I wasnt capable of having these important dialogues sober.
When you refused to tell him how you really felt
All of these pretty much boil down to one thing: I was afraid.
I was so afraid of telling anyone how I actually felt or what I really wanted out of our relationship( whatever it was) that I would just avoid the whole telling him how I feel part of the relationship entirely.
Yes, technically, I did successfully manage to avoid putting myself out there to be rejected.
But I wouldnt counting that as a win by any means.
Youre patently not going to stop all these habits at once, and hey, maybe some of them are working for you. But from my personal experience, these things are surefire relationship repellant.
This isnt to say I abruptly became this perfect human by the time I satisfied my boyfriend and quit all my weird, chill girl stuff for good he definitely did his part in helping transgress some of my walls down. But the fact of the matter is, relationships are all about being yourself and being vulnerable. And a healthy relationship will never happen for you if you cant accept that.