If Youre Guilty Of Feeling These 4 Things While Using Dating Apps, Youre Sabotaging Yourself

2 days ago

If you want a relationship, but you aren’t on dating apps( or you are and you dislike them ), let me ask you a question: Why? Would you instead fulfill person the “old-fashioned way”? Do you think gratifying someone on a dating app is not romantic enough of a meet cute? Are you still holding on to the idea of bumping into someone on the street who happens to be your soulmate? Do you believe dating apps don’t work for you? I’m not judging you, I swear. I just want to understand what it is about dating apps that you are so against.

I gratified my current boyfriend on Bumble, and I can assure you that our connect is just as strong and romantic as any couple who met in person. I can also assure you that the chances of your perfect match falling into your lap without you putting any work into finding them is less than zero. And if you merely countered that with, “But our didn’t have dating apps! ” may I remind you that our grandparents also had black and white televisions with a choice of, like, three channels to settle on, and if that’s not a metaphor for dating back then, I don’t know what is.

Dating apps have created a whole world of opportunity that our grandparents never had. You have the chance to meet people “youve never” would have met on your own, to learn more about yourself than you could ever imagine, and to surprise yourself with whom your heart is capable of falling for. But if you don’t consider dating apps that way, you’re never going to find love.

If you have the following four impressions while use Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or whatever your preferred app is, you’re going to have a hard time procuring your soulmate.

1. Picky

We all have an image in our head of the kind of person we “should” be with, but if you want to find love on dating apps, you’ve got to get rid of that image. Rejecting a person who has blonde hair because you like brunettes, who’s 5’11” because you’d opt 6’0 ” or higher, or who’s a political journalist because you generally go for artists will only limit the pool of people you could possibly connect with. What if you have more in common with the journalist than you did with any painter you’ve ever dated? What if you find that you like a person who’s closer to you in height because it’s easier to kiss them that style?

Better yet, what if you come to discover that your fiction of what your life is “supposed” to be like isn’t even what you really wanted? Maybe you’ve always gone for artists, but what if you find yourself feeling inspired by your journalist partner to take up an interest in political activism? What if that was a part of you that you didn’t even know existed, but aims up fulfilling you more than anything you’ve ever done?

If you are even slightly attracted to someone’s profile, even if they don’t seem anything like the person or persons you imagined yourself with, swipe right. You just never, ever know.

2. Judgmental

I know lots of people who, for whatever reason, suppose dating apps are filled with gross, weird people. But that’s absolutely no truth to the rumors! People on dating apps are normal. And allow me to remind you that “normal” does not mean a model robot who was programmed specifically to be compatible to you. “Normal” entails a human who is flawed and imperfect, much like yourself.

If you reject someone because one of their paintings isn’t the greatest or because the pun in their profile didn’t build you laugh hard enough, that doesn’t mean that person is gross or weird. It means they’re trying their best. It means they are a human. Give people a break, OK? If you excavate someone’s profile overall but you think the movie they listed as their favorite is horrible, it would candidly be ridiculous to swipe left. All that does is reduce your shot at love.( Also, if you’re not going to date someone just since they are like one “bad” movie, you’ve got some work to do on yourself .)

3. Bored

What kinds of dialogues are you having? Are you re-using the same “Hey, how’s your day? ” line over and over again and having the same lame dialogues about run and whatever mundane thing you and this stranger are doing in that moment? If so, I’m sorry, but you’re not going to connect with anyone that way. You’re just going to be bored.

There are a ton of suggestions on the internet for great pick-up lines to use on dating apps that will increase your chances of having interesting conversations with your matches. Elite Daily has a ton! We create them all the time just for you! Use them! Here they are! And here’s more ! One more for good measure. Aaaaand one more. OK, I’m done.

Many of my friends tell me they’re nervous to ask a funny topic or use a clever pick-up line they found on the internet because it’s not “who they are.” While I can understand that, know that you will have plenty of opportunities to show who you really are as you continue on with your conversation. You just need to get your foot in the door first. My co-worker helped me craft my first Bumble message to my last boyfriend, and that exchange began a wonderful, year-long relationship. Once you’re in, then you can work your own brand of magic.

4. Defeated

I know how annoying it is when you message people who don’t answer, when you chat with people you don’t end up going on dates with, or when you go on dates with people who suck. But how about instead of dating at the mercy of your matches, you set your own rules? How about you make a promise to yourself, today, to take full control of your dating life? If someone doesn’t ask you out after communicating for two days, either ask them out yourself (# feminism) or un-match them. If you message four people and nobody gets back to you in a day, un-match them and start over with four new people. If a month goes by and you haven’t gone on a single date yet, re-vamp your profile, re-think your preference sets, and/ or re-adjust your dialogue starters. If you’ve merely gone on bad dates, chalk them up to funny narratives and just keep trying.

Before I fulfilled my boyfriend, I weeded through dead-end conversations, f* ckboys, and catfishes, but I never let myself feel defeated. At worst, I amassed great stories and experiences. At best, I learned about what I want, what I guessed I wanted( but actually didn’t ), and what I definitely do want in a partner.

See the beauty in the process of using dating apps. Don’t feel repudiated every time you don’t fall in love, because once you do, you’ll keep forgetting all the bullsh* t you had to endure to get there.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV .

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1. Forever secretary ?~ ATAGEND

I know one daughter who still checked her ex boyfriend’s email four years after they is broken. I guess he never changed his password.

2. They should’ve started a religion !~ ATAGEND

My friend was dating a girl for a couple of months when she told him that she was pregnant and he was the father. He broke up with her after that because…they had never had sex.

3. Hardcore stalker

Went on a date with her, she was a super nice girl and …. okay …. in the looks department. I entail, I had fun on the date, but wasn’t attracted to her. Didn’t plan on a second.

One day she calls, and I answer because, what the hell. She asked what I was doing tonight, and the” She wants to know if we can go on a second date ,” buzzer starts running off. I told her I had schemes, which I legitimately did.” Plans doing what ?”

” Uhhh … having dinner with my family and close friends .”

Long story short, she just depicted up. And when she depicted up, she didn’t say hi. Merely stood behind my chair and gazed. I had no idea she was there because my back was to the door. When dinner objective, she asked what I was doing then. I flat out told her that was going home. She followed me home. Told her to leave, and never spoke to her again.

Creepiest goddamn thing in dating yet.

4. Intense “tattoo” art ?~ ATAGEND

My roommate in college was dating a guy and he would often spend nights at our place. All of a sudden he stopped coming around. I asked her what happened to him and she said that she found out he had a crush on me. I asked how she knew and she informed me that he had engraved MY name into his arm.

5. Not the best gift giver ?~ ATAGEND

Showing up at a Donut Shop two months after the breakup to give you an anniversary gift, and it’s a gun rack.

6. Casting spells, or just crazy ?~ ATAGEND

Waiting until everyone’s asleep, and then talking to herself in multiple voices, giggling sporadically.

Freaked my friend right the hell out.

7. Just having the eyes, man

Crazy eyes. I’m talking about you can see her entire iris and it looks like she’s trying to keep her eyes open as wide as is practicable. Something about it just induces them seem dead inside…

8. How are you able turn this down ?~ ATAGEND

I had a girl come up to me once at a party and tell me she hadn’t changed her panties in a week and would let me” do anal on her .”

Never spoke to her in my life before. She was a friend of a friend. I kindly turned down her offer.

9. Plz plz no

Talking about kid names at week 2.

NOPE….

10. Comparing sizes

Taking about the size of the dicks of the guys they’ve been with. As if thats somehow going to impress me or construct me competitive .. Has happened to me twice

11. More dick-related stuff

I once had a girl go into great detail, while at dinner on our first date, about how her last two ex’s had huge penises and while she liked it she was always very sore for a few days after. She then told me she was happy she was out with a “normal” guy.

The thing is, she had never seen or felt mine and had no information about it at all. She hadn’t even asked me how big it was. She was just assuming, by looking at me, that I had a small penis.

12. Talking about ex’s is weird

For me when they mention any ex at all. Once or twice is fine. If it’s a funny story, go for it, I have a good sense of humour. But when it’s” don’t do that, my ex never did that” or,” my ex does this so you should do it like that .” Yeah go back to him cheating and verbally abusing you then.

13. WTF is wrong with people

I remember a goth chick style back in jr high who used to try devoting herself tattoos in class. She’d dip a sewing needle into ink and stab along her arm all through class. Tried talking to her asking if she was alright, but she kept going on about how cool it was and I really didn’t want her to try stabbing me with it( she asked if I wanted one when I ensure her doing it ).

Later on she used the same needle and would sew thread throughout her hand and limb. Watching this actually made me pretty nauseous and thankfully our educator finally noticed. I also noticed corpuscles of blood on her desk afterwards and the janitor wiped it down with water and a newspaper towel.

14. This is just stupid

Girls that look to add you to their collection

” Oh, I’ve never been with a tall guy/ black guy/ uber driver before “.

I had someone try to sleep with me strictly because she had slept with my twin friend, and” wanted to complete the situated .” Gross, Jill. Gross

15. Speaking in tongues

I met a girl at a bar one night and she gave me her number. I called the next day and we stimulated plans for the weekend. We went to dinner and had a few drinks while listening to the band. The night was getting on and we decided to head back to her place.

Things get quiet during the car ride when out of nowhere she turned to me and said in a deep voice,” Your mother’s name is Dorothy and you are the antichrist .” I immediately asked, “what?” Her reply was,” oh sometimes I just say weird things .” My mommies name is Dorothy. Tldr ; I may be the antichrist.

16. R u even human ?~ ATAGEND

Randomly meowing like a cat. Had a girl do this all the time and I never knew how to respond.

17. Separation is okay !~ ATAGEND

if she maintains texting you every five minutes since you didn’t answer.

18. S-E-P–AR–AT-I-O-N

I was dating a cheerleader in college, and then I transferred and we kept dating. I would always complain about her, and when she visited, she was super nice and friendly to my whole social circle. So all my friends liked her and believed I was just being mean.

When were in a group, she called, and I didn’t answer. And I told them to pay attention to my phone. She called 15 times in a row( which was common ). We were drinking, so we kinda made an impromptu drinking game out of it, my friends eventually saw where I was coming from.

19. Interesting decorations

Horse posters. Stay away from the ones with pony posters.

20. Knives for teeth ?~ ATAGEND

Once made out with one at a party and somehow cut my cheek. She didn’t have braces and she sliced my cheek from the inside.

21. Just f* cking nuts

Her stalking the guy all the way to the mall where he was having lunch with his mother and friends after she simply threatened to tell his entire household that he” raped her” if he ever tried to break up with her. This was only one of the many stunts she pulled. That daughter was absolutely nuts.

Man, with friends like these, I don’t need to bother with watching daytime television. I got all the drama I require right here.

22. STOP

When she tells,” I went through your phone last night…who’s mama ?”

23. She be creepin ‘~ ATAGEND

Creeping through your telephone/ FB inbox. With my spouse, I’m an open book; she knows my passwords and has access to all of that stuff. But she never goes through it because she’s not an insecure mess.

My ex OTOH, I never dedicated her any of my passwords because I didn’t trust her. She creeped through my computer a few times when I was asleep. There’s no need for that even though I have nothing to hide. Just let me have some privacy, and trust me.

24. C-R–AZ-Y

When I caught her in the bathroom after a bj rubbing my wad into her pussy. I presumed she was just spewing it out in the sink and cleaning up. Nope. She was 35 and really wanted a baby before “it was too late”

25. Weird quotes

If they use that quote” if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”, I can guarantee you they’re a fucking whack job.

26. Getting in our business

Getting too touchy or even trying to kiss you when you’re not interested. I mean, what the fuck, if a dude did that they’d be accused of sexual assault, but some females simply don’t see it as wrong.

27. Breaking and entering

Crazy girl I dated once broke into my pad when I wasn’t there and touched a bunch of my shit and went through things. She tried to make-up some excuse about forgetting her key, but she failed to acknowledge I had locked the doors.

Turns out she stole my housekey, made a transcript of her own, then came around when I wasn’t there to chill. I merely went out with her a couple times, but since I tapped it she somehow figured my shit was now her’s!

28. More animal stuff

One of my exes( God, that feels awkward saying) would hide under her bed when emotionally distressed( she was also a cutter to make things worse) and one time the police had to pull her out. She was reported hissing and growling at the officers like a cat during the event.

She had also concealed a vial filled with her blood and her ex’s( she had some very serious problems) under the bed as well. She apparently had a lot of stuff from her ex( and myself after we is broken) that she stashed throughout her room for safe keeping.

29. Wowowowowow

I had a buddy, his ex tried to poison him by putting windshield wiper liquid in his ice cubes. He was a day laborer and drank tons of water. He started to set it together when the water savoured funny all the time and he kept getting bad headaches.

30. Watching me from her auto

I was seeing a girl for a little bit … Nothing exclusive … A month or two in, she gives me the we should be exclusive talk. I don’t think I can see someone who insures other women. I told her that I liked her, but I wasn’t really looking for anything monogamous. Same story that I’ve given her from the beginning. So she leaves my house in tears. Objectives things. So I was frustrated because she was nice, but I understood her position too, but I didn’t want to budge on mine either. Fast forward the next day and I haven’t answered her text. I get a text that says, I left something at your doorway … So I’m like WTF? She left a card, and a periodical since I write music. Super sweet gift. I messaged her back, asking hey? why didn’t you ring the door buzzer and come in? And she’s like well I didn’t think you’d want to see me or talk to me anymore … bla bla bla…

So we spend the next two hours re-hashing the few months we spent together. I decide to go jump in the pond for an hour and shivering. Come back out, and my phone is filled with text. But now it’s filled with pictures of my house! I’m like WTF is this? I was in the pool, whats going on? And she was like, I never went home after I dropped off the gift. I’m parked across the street.

Creeped me the fuck out. I invited her in. She gave me the I don’t care if you see other people and I objective it there. It was super creepy. For a few hours she was parked outside my house, talking to me, rather than coming in and having a talk … That sealed it for me…

31. Goodbye, then .~ ATAGEND

Had a girl talk to herself in the bathroom mirror at 2 in the morning about her day because” I didn’t dedicate her enough attention .”

32. That’s awkward

Smearing menstrual blood on her face.

33. A little too horny

There’s this girl in my alumnu classesgod damnit. She will send me texts in the middle of our 4 our class telling me how much she needs to masturbate. Or maybe sometimes simply describing the erotic fan fiction she is reading. Or asking me to tell her a dirty joke late at night. Or randomly sending me emojis about drinking cum( eggplants and the like ). Or making a face like she just wanted suck my dick EVERY TIME she leave my apartment. Jesus, just stop already, I’m not into it.

34. Jesus …~ ATAGEND

writing you a letter in their period blood telling you they want your newborn. bar seems to be set a bit high for women than men but that did it for me

35. Please let this be fake .~ ATAGEND

I currently run( occasionally) with this really socially awkward girl. Being socially awkward isn’t a big deal. But when we’re in the office together, she sits in a corner on the ground in fetal position, lies on the ground all huddled up, and other odd things. She has strolled to a define of draperies and wrapped it around herself like a cocoon in front of around 14 people who were in the room with us at the same hour, told a colleague that he should cut off half his face because it would be cool, told the same colleague that she wants to jump off the building and stab herself in the belly( but she doesn’t want to die ), asked multiple people what they would do if she punched them in the face( she couldn’t hurt a fly because she is so damn scrawny ).

She also states that she can’t eat meat because before her dietary selection of only feeing potatoes( no meat, fish, processed food, soy, legumes, grains or bread) after feeing meat, 2-3 weeks later, she would feel sick.( I’m pretty sure her body would have processed the meat long before she would feel ill, but she” knows things” about her body ). Though she says she doesn’t eat processed foods, she buys these food bars off the internet and eat them. Bars of food do not grow on goddamn trees in perfectly rectangular prisms you daft girl!

We live in the same building and I was came back home in the late evening, and find her sitting on the ground in the dark. All I insured was her pasty white face in the darkness like some ghost. Apparently the neighbours watched her there too. She had procured a stray cat and named it and was just sitting there in the dark petting it.( I like cats too, but I don’t act as creepy as she does .) She took the cat in despite the building not allowing pets. It’s a running gag among colleagues that everyone should make sure they lock their doorways because she’d likely kill you in your sleep if she had the chance and her explanation/ defense would be” But the cat told me to do it .”

She shows up to social gatherings like movie nights and brings cat hair covered cookies for her potluck contribution. Then she proceeds to wrap herself in a blanket she brings with her and sleeps in her cocoon nation. We’ve been hoping that she just stops coming to events we invite her to out of obligation. Also the hope of her coming out of her blanket cocoon as normal person after a metamorphosis would be nice.

36. lowkey

I had a girl collect my hair once.

37. Imaginary sex tension

When she comes up to you at a party and starts talking about the( non-existent)” undeniable sex tension” between us, and how this party was a great place for everyone to relieve their sex tension. I noped the fuck out of that conversation in record time.

It’s probably worth noting that I had only really talked to her once before when we were both in a group on 10 or so people playing drinking games at college. She was fairly flirty and made a couple of advances which I did not reciprocate, because I was seeing someone at the time, and induced that quite clear.

38. Weird small talk

When you jokingly say you like spoonfuls and she follows you around campus for four years, almost never talking to you or acknowledging your wavesexcept occasionally to ask if you” remember that we both like spoonfuls a lot .”

39. hello, it’s me .~ ATAGEND

When I was in college, a girl in one of my art seminar classes had a crush on me. Somehow she found out where I lived on campus and one day when I looked out my window, she was standing outside staring at me.

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3 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Cheating, Even Though They’ve Been Distant Lately

2 months, 11 days ago

I’ve been cheated on in the past, and ever since it happened, I assume that all of my subsequent partners will cheat on me, too. So when my last boyfriend started seeming disinterested in our relationship, I instantly assumed it was because he wanted out or liked someone else. However, I had to remind myself that it was most likely my old baggage building my way into my new relationship with a good man. So I started asking myself, what are signs he’s not cheating, even if he might be remote and withdrawn / refused in the relationship? It’s important to stay grounded, especially when you’re guessing the worst.

When we’re in fear, it’s easy for our intellects to jump to conclusions. It’s not like when there’s commotion in our relationship, we instantly assume the best. Usually, we connect the dots of questions that don’t exist. But we need to take into account other things that are going on in our partners’ lives and learn not to take them personally. Merely because my significant other doesn’t talk a lot at dinner one night, or we don’t have sex for a week, doesn’t mean they don’t like me anymore … probably.

Just to make sure, I asked Susan Winter, relationship expert and best-selling author, the ways to tell your partner is still being faithful, despite potentially being forgetful in your relationship. Because it’s important to differentiate between what’s a real concern in a relationship, and what’s your insecurity talking.

1. You Know Their Morals Are Aligned

I’ve been cheated on in the past, so I tend to bring that fear into all of my relationships. If person doesn’t answer my text within a few hours, then they are definitely cheating! There’s no other plausible excuse, such as work or a personal life issue. But then, I started dating a human who told me flat-out that he had never cheated before and would never cheat on me now or in the future. He was vehemently against it, and it was against his moral code. So I had no choice but to take his term for it.

“There’re lots of guys that have a code of ethics that accompany them into their relationships, ” tells Winter. “They’re simply not cheaters. You have to know who your guy is at his core.”

If you know deep down your partner is someone with a really good head on their shoulders, then it’s best not to jump to conclusions and assume they are cheating.

Winter says to ask yourself, “What are his values? What is his attitude on the importance of trust and loyalty? If these are the principles he holds dear, then it’s unlikely he’d compromise them with you.”

Don’t presume the worst in people, especially people. Instead of jumping instantly to blamed if there is inconvenience in your relationship, try to approach the concern first with empathy and understanding, particularly if your partner is the type of person who deserves it.

2. They Likely Have Another Stressor On Their Mind

nd3 000/ Shutterstock

“In[ a woman’s] world, silence is an indication that something’s wrong. In a man’s world, his stillnes can simply entail he’s decompressing, ” tells Winter.

In my last relationship, it was actually the opposite. I crave a lot of peace and alone time, while my need for quiet actually induced my boyfriend uncomfortable. He took it personally. But in relationships, it’s important not to take responsibility for our partner’s emotions and assume the worst.

“It isn’t always’ about us, ‘” she continues. “We fool ourselves into thinking we’re the centres of our man’s every waking thoughts and emotion. We’re not. He could be distracted by something at work or considering what he’s about to do next.”

Sometimes, you take a bad week at work home with you, or issues with your family are plaguing you and affecting you in the bedroom. It’s important to understand that, as individuals, we have a world that exists outside of the relationship, too. Take that into consideration if your partner seems withdrawn or isn’t devoting their undivided attention at all times.

Don’t presume his mood is about you, and don’t turn it into a number of problems. Picking him apart by insisting that his silence or moodiness is somehow related to you or the relationship is a big mistake, ” Winter adds. “He may not know why he’s quiet or distant. And if you give him a plausible reason (‘ it’s the relationship’ ), he may simply believe you.”

By worrying and conveying our concerns through anxiety, sometimes, we create problems in our relationships that don’t exist. It’s always best to ask questions and communicate openly rather than making assumptions.

3. They Don’t React Negatively If You Tackle Them About Their Behavior

berc/ Fotolia

When you’re lying about something and someone calls you out on it, your normal response is to have a huge reaction. You get upset that they’re even asking you or accusing you of being unfaithful. You’ll get defensive — angry. You’ll make up some longwinded tale to get yourself out of it. On the other hand, though, someone who isn’t cheating will react calmly when asked such a question.

“If you decide to ask him directly, his first reaction is likely to be embarrassment. His response will feel natural in its delivery, ” tells Winter. “This is something that’s come out of nowhere, and he doesn’t have a pre-scripted answer. He’ll have to organize his intellect to take in what you are implying, so he won’t be’ practiced’ at his response.”

So essentially, their answer won’t feeling rehearsed, but instead, it will feel because it is. “A guy who’s cheating will instantly jump to the defensive. He’ll feign righteous outrage, ” she continues. “He’ll protest mightily and act wounded and upset that you’d ever believe such a thing. Then, he’ll do the turn-around and switch to the offensive. He’ll begin attacking you, projecting that this is your remorse, anxiety, or insecurity.”

When it comes to cheating, it’s important not to assume the worst, even if there’s distance in your relationship. People go across things in their personal life, and sometimes, you take it home into your relationship. Don’t take things personally, or generate problems that were likely to not exist. But if you want to get to the bottom of the questions, come to the situation with love and empathy and openly communicate, rather than jumping to anger and accusations. Your relationship will be better off for it.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more tales just like this !

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Humen Playing With Stuffed Animals Is More Common Than You Might Suppose

2 months, 19 days ago

Health professionals tout the benefits of stuffed animalsin a child’s development.

For babies, stuffed animals are considered safe plaything, due to their soft texture, large size and throw-it-across-the-room-and-it-won’t-break durability.

For toddlers, stuffed animals offer a vehicle through which they can practice dedicating affection. Early school age infants become friends with their stuffed animals and have conversations with them.

But there comes a timewhen children move past stuffed animals, and no longer need the consolation and security they provide.

Instead of presenting love to and having imaginary conversations withtheir plaything, children make friends and interact with both parents and siblings.

In essence, they mature.

The stuffed animal is transferred fromthe bed to a shelf, then relegated to a closet or a box in the attic.

As adults, we enjoy keeping relics from our childhood.

It reminds us of happy hours and induces warm feelings of nostalgia.

Case in point: I still possess my childhoodcollection of American Girl dolls.

As a young girl, I often played when them, pretended they were my babies and carried them around with me.

I have kept them all of these years , not only because they are meaningful to me, but also because they worth quite a bit of fund as collectors items. I hope to pass them along to my daughter someday if I have one.

In the meantime, they sit in a row on a shelf in my closet and collect dust.

Not once has the guessed crossedmy mind to bring them out when I have a man over. To give one of them avoice and have her ask to have her hair combed or to be rocked.

If I did do this on a date, I can guarantee I would never hear from the guy again.

Recently, in the course of our weekday emailing, I asked a friend of mine how things were going with a guy shed been ensure for about a month.

Up to that phase, shed been into him.

He was sweet and solicitous, well-educated and polite. He treated her with respect and was easy to be around. But their last date hadnt gone well, and the reason why took me by surprise.

My friend explained 😛 TAGEND

So he has this stuffed shark. And, honestly, this isnt the first time its made an appearance.

The first time I thought he was using it as a pillow, so I tried to do the same, but he freaked out. He threw it off the couch and exclaimed, Its get crushed!

Despite mentally recoiling, I didnt say anything because I thought maybe I was being too critical or building too big a deal out of something that really wasnt cause for concern.

She continued 😛 TAGEND

But then the shark came out again last night. He was acting like a little kid with it, saying things like, Ahh, it’s coming to bite you!

His grandparents used to buy him and his brothers stuffed animals, so Ithought maybe it was from them. But when I asked him if there was a tale behind the stuffed shark, he made a joke about it, and I told,’ Don’t be creepy.’

He never answered the question, and I didn’t ask again.

I haven’t ensure his bedroom, so I don’t know if he has a whole village of stuffed animals in there. Okay, that was meant to be funny. I don’t think he does, but why does he watch Tv with this stupid stuffed shark, and why did he bring it out on our first night together at his apartment?

We observed her situation intriguing, if not a little disturbing, and were endeavoured to do a little research on the topic.

In our Googling, we learned that grown-up men who have stuffed animals is not as uncommon as we initially suspected.

In fact, according to a 2010 survey by Travelodge, 25 percent of men take stuffed animals, specifically teddy bears, with them when they travel to help fill a cuddle-void left by distant partners.

We were, in a word, shocked.

Twenty-five percentage of men who traveling are squirreling away stuffed animals in their suitcases.( That effectively ruined ogling men in suits at the airport for me .)

And, truly, how many humen out there are avid cuddlers?

Meaning , not only do they are asking for nuzzling at home, but their need for hugging is so great that while they are away on a business trip, they need a stuffed animal to compensate for the loss of a body next to them.

And how many of these men wouldnt instead use a pillow in lieu of toting a stuffed animal through airport security?

Over the course of the next several weeks, we continued to debate the topic: Is a stuffed animal an acceptable throwback to childhood, or is it just plain creepy?

My friend wondered, “What if he got the shark from my ex-girlfriend who died? ”

I said that would be sad, but still a little creepy that he would play shark attack with his new girlfriend with it.

Apparently, after asking what was up with the shark, my friend was informed that her date bought a Nemo stuffed animal at a yard sale and the shark was hurled in for free.

Still, it was weird.

Eventually, she aimed upbreaking up with him. She told him she never understood the whole shark obsession. He was astounded it was even an issue. I was just being silly! Im only a big kid !

Childlike spunk and being a kid at heart are wonderful qualities in a human, particularly for women who want to have kids someday.

Theres a reasons for girls are attracted to guys with kids at the park.

Men arent, by nature, nurturing beings, so ensure them running around a jungle gym with their childrenis attractive to women who arelooking for men to be hands-on parents some day.

But again, this only works if there are children present. Otherwise, a man without small children lingering around a playground is creepy.

Same goes for a stuffed animal.

If a guy uses it when he plays with small children, or if its a relic from his childhood which he keeps on a shelf or in the closet for posteritys sake, its a wholly acceptable throwback to childhood.

But if hes bringing it out during a date and devoting it a voice, its just plain creepy.

Read more:

I Want To Be Borne With You

3 months, 1 day ago

This might sound weird, but I merely want to sit in a room and be borne with you. I want to stare at wall-to-wall carpet with you while thinking about hair. I want to drink lukewarm Bigelow tea with you. I want to watch mediocre TV with you and have low-grade headaches with you and feed bowl of overcooked pasta with you. I want to buy store-brand wheat bread with you. I want to start a dialogue about something controversial with you until both of us realize we dont know enough about it so we have to switch to talking about food. I want to trace the grain on an artificial timber tabletop while playing four-letter nouns in Bananagrams.

This will be after the not-bored years. Three vacations to hot, photogenic places. Forty Gchat reactions so strong we see the little foxes. Seven passive-aggressive auto rides, fourteen unintentionally backhanded compliments, five misguided ice-outs. An afternoon when we take our career choices out of our heads and set them on the table and stab them with little sticks and forks. A fight where someone throws a spoon. One night that feels like ten, when we go to a strangers apartment and laugh at their accent wall and stand on opposite sides of their room wailing obscure pasta shapes.

After all thatI want to be bored with you.

Not bored of you. Bored. We can drive a Toyota Camry to a strip mall in Jersey, park outside a Rite Aid and chew the insides of our cheeks. We can stare at a concrete column and listen to a Chilis ad. I can touch my one long eyelash and you can pull your one long eyebrow hair. We should do this when its cloudy.

We can let go of all our affectations and all the things we say at parties. We can let go of funny and exciting and interesting and offensive and microaggressive. We can stop trying to be the versions of ourselves that will get the most dopamine, the versions that have been engineered by and for everyone around us. We can stop auto-transcribing everything that happens between us and filtering it into the Good box or the Bad box. We can stop all the overcommunicating and signaling, we can stop being semaphores for whatever we want to feel.

But we can only be borne after weve been everything else. We can only be borne after weve wanted to fuck each other and kill each other, after weve been monumentally silent and pitifully loud. After weve fallen through the canopy of clever gags and Dimly Lit Honesty and what-do-you-think-about-this-disaster-that-happened-yesterday-in-another-city-another-country-another-another-another. After weve arrived at the gray bedrock of our relationship, which isnt fun or tormented or worth blogging about. After weve walked back and forth fifty days over the same conversational thread and constructed one another crazy with everything weve said and not said.

Have you ever put your lips in neutral mode and let your cheeks kind of fall into their pockets just because? Just because? Have you ever picked wax from your left ear while cirrus clouds fall apart and you breathe trace amounts of diesel fuel?

The best things are bearing. The best moments are bearing. They dont light up a timeline or a desktop background or a dialogue, and no matter how much you try, you probably wont recollect them. They are the temporal equivalent of muscle, and without them youd get nowhere.

The best people are the boring ones, too. They are the human equivalent of marble. They bought a Yankee Candle last week but they havent lighted it yet.

So perhaps if it all is all very well, we can end up in the entrance to a 30 -year-old Rite Aid. Well stand underneath yellow light and look at all the Lemonheads and those little tubes full of what look like smaller M& Ms though they arent M& Ms. Well put our hands in our jacket pockets and walk down aisles of plastic superheroes and lawn chairs.

We can stop at the candles, open one or two, and pick the one that smells most like nothing in particular. Just a vague combination of flowers and fruit.

Read more:

Why Telling ‘I Love You’ At The Wrong Time Could Make It Meaningless

3 months, 9 days ago

We’ve all been in this situation.

You discover you have strong impressions for someone, you get swept up in the emotion and you suddenly think it’s time to blurt out those three words.

You know you want the other person to say them, too.

But merely because you want to say them, that doesn’t mean you should.

Before you blurt out something too early in a relationship for the incorrect reasons or with the incorrect motives read on to see if you’re on the right path.

So, you met someone new and clicked with him or her.

It’s exciting when you’re both together.

You constantly find yourself thinking about him or her when you’re apart.

But is it love, or is it only lust and infatuation?

Well, for starters, the feeling you’re probablyexperiencing isn’t actually real love.

M. Scott Peck, author of“The Road Less Traveled, ”defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of fostering one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”

Falling in love, however, is more like a sex-linked, erotic experience.

It is a false perception of reality, an illusion.

This romantic love( or honeymoon period) will eventually aim in any relationship, even if the relationship buds into real love and continues.

The “in love” feeling will dissolve and give way to the realization that an imperfect person and imperfect relationship necessitates work.

This work is the real love.

We can’t force ourselves to fall in love with someone.

When we do, we generally presume it’s the real thing, even if we weren’t attempting the impression or didn’t have anything in common with the object of our affections.

It’s one thing to detect someone who likes the same food, pastimes or interior decor.

But, it’s another thing wholly to find a person who had shares your values, beliefs and morals.

However, the ironic portion is, you might immediately rule out a possible life partner simply because he or she doesn’t using the same taste in music.

However, having said this, feeling in love is oftena precursor to real love.

It can’t always be ignored or dismissed.

Now, let’s question most people’s motives for saying, “I love you, ” and why this can cause ill feeling, sadnes and heartache.

Most people say the three magic words for one reason: They are hopeful the other person will say them, too.

We all need to feel validated, especially in romantic relationships.

We are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and uncovered, so we want someone else to feel the same way.

The fact is, there are no assures in life.

Saying, “I love you” is being willing to put yourself in a hugely vulnerable place, especially considering the fact you may be left hanging.

Therefore, we should only ever tell person how we feel if we are sure it comes from the heart.

Our words should not be dependent upon the other person’s response.

You have to be in a position where you are aware of the possible reaction your words may get.

Be prepared to deal with the consequences.

One thing we should all practice when we feel these emotions is giving them time.

The first time you feel like saying it is never the right time.

We’ve all been in relationships or known friends in relationships who fell the L-bomb in the first week of dating.

Some of you reading this will be having a “WTF ?! ” moment right now, and I hear you.

But the fact is, I’ve been guilty of this myself.

Even now, I often find myself feeling like I want to say, “I love you” within sevenmonths of getting to know someone.

But I rightfully hold myself back from saying it. It’s merely too soon.

This doesn’t mean I can’t say other things that actually have more meaning.

You can say things to your SOthat let him or her read between the lines.

You can showyour SO that he or she is very important to you without putting yourself entirely on the line or scaring him or her away.

There are lots of things you can say if you take the time to think about them or write them down.

You can tell your SO you are happy you shared its own experience with him or her.

You can tell your SO you’re glad he or she is in your life.

There is an infinite number of heartfelt things you can say that will construct him or her feel important and pretty amazing, if you merely use your imagination.

Perhaps more important than saying things is doing things.

Anyone can say, “I love you” without meaning it.

Many people who have been on the receiving objective of this kind of “love” in the past will be wary of hearing words from you that don’t match up to your actions.

Sending blooms and buying gifts can be ways toshow person how you feel.

But, too many of these gestures will come across as too strong.

Small, thoughtful gifts are good, as are letters, cards or postcards when you are apart.

Remembering what your significant other said is also a very powerful route to present you care.

Each and every time you say or do something like this, you will get feedback.

Watch the style he or she acts, and induce that a more important indicator than what he or she actually says.

It’s easier to disguise the route you feel with your words than your actions.

When the time comes for you to finally deliver the three big words, you may not want to be dependent upon his or her response, but you also don’t want him or her to run away.

Taking an appropriate sum of time to build a trusting bond with someone and to invest in the relationship is the only style to know, deep in your heart, that you love someone.

Like I stated earlier, only devote it time.

Read more:

The magic number: how many people have you slept with?

3 months, 23 days ago

From a 40 -year-old virgin to a role-play devotee, real people disclose everything theyve learned between the sheets. Cautioning: adult content


You didnt go all the way unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life

Jane, 81, three partners

My grandmother was a Victorian and wouldnt mention the lavatory. For her, sexuality would have been something a woman suffered rather than enjoyed.

Coming to London in 1955 was a revelation. My friend and I shared a flat with three chaps. This was unheard of at the time, but by gosh we had fun. There was a bath in the kitchen and, if you didnt want to miss the party, people could hand you a drink through the curtain.

But Id never go all the way. You couldnt enjoy sexuality to that extent, because youd be afraid of losing control. We had no contraception. You didnt go further unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life. Even when you were married, you were holding back, in case you got pregnant again. That destroyed a lot of the pleasure for women. The greatest liberation was the contraceptive pill. That changed everyones attitude to sex.

I marriage at 24 and had two children, but I used to wish I could have sex just for the sake of it. Im divorced now and, a couple of years back, a male acquaintance asked, Are you still active? And I supposed, whats he on about? My arms and legs still run. I can walk about. Then I realised it was a euphemism for sexually active. When I told my grandson, he burst out chuckling. Hed have to be fairly damned gorgeous, but I dont guess I could now. A man of my age would expect me to cook his food. I cant be bothered with that.

I went on Grindr when I was 16, and I was frightened

Paul, 20, three partners

When I was really young, I imagined myself being with a woman, because that was the norm. Growing up and used to identify I was gay changed everything.

At my age, a lot of gay men are quite sleazy. Straight men are likely the same. People sleep around, and its not my scene, so finding a long-term partner can be difficult. I recollect going on Grindr when I was 16, and I was terrified because older humen started sending me photos. I was like: what are you doing? Youre 40. Is that OK? That 40 -year-old humen can approach 16 -year-olds?

Its very easy for lesbian men to find sex. If I wanted to have sex tonight, I could probably find someone, but I wouldnt feel the connection. I could go on Grindr, chat person up and invite them round, but I dont like the idea of inviting a stranger into my house.

I miss people actually talking to each other, instead of being online. You ensure 90 s Tv programmes where people go up to someone in a bar and say, Hi, can I get your number? And I think, that would never, ever happen these days.

Ive not been in that situation yet, but I think sex is likely best when youre in a relationship, because youre more comfy around one another. When you dont know person, you always think, Oh God, is this OK? Am I doing this right? Especially if theyre more experienced than you. Ive slept with guys whove had more experience and guys whove had less, and you can tell the difference, so I always wonder: can they tell that about me?

There are lots of things that are way more pleasurable than penetration

Matt, 28, more than 25 partners

The sex we see in the media is one-dimensional. Its nearly always penetrative, and that might be how you construct babies, but its not the best style to induce your partner climax. I had an illness when I was a child, which meant I lost one of my legs. Disabled people have a blessing in a manner that is, because they learn that there are lots of other things that you can do that are style more pleasurable.

I discovered that confidence is a trick when I was at university. Its a style of holding your head up and faking it, because women dont actually care how you seem. But I also realised that the best thing I could do was to learn how to induce women genuinely enjoy themselves. So much of sex education is not based on female pleasure at all. A lot of men have a narrative in their head about how sex should play out, which objective up prohibiting genuine experimentation. Some humen get intimidated by a woman who is sexually empowered or open because its not what they were taught was meant to happen.

Photograph: Liz McBurney

I insure sexuality as play. If you havent got many hangups, when youre in that room and you close the door, its a space to do what youre interested in. I think some humen are intimidated by sex playthings because they induce them feel like theyre not been enough, but its merely another set of tools with which we can give our partners pleasure.

Im at a stage in my life now where, because of my disability, Im not always be permitted to do things as much as I would like to. But my partner is disabled as well, and there is never any pressure. We flirt and tease one another every day. Weve constantly get that flame being lit, and the most important thing is to make sure it doesnt go out.

When I was in my 30 s, my partner and I set up a role-play group

Christopher, 64, about 50 partners

I had BDSM interests from the age of eight, and a very full fantasy life in my head, but I didnt have sex until I was in my early 20 s, with another virgin. I took to it like a duck to water. I remember trying to establish with my doctor why my back was so messed up when I was at university, and realising Id built love 22 hours over the weekend with my first girlfriend. If I did it 22 times a year now, Id be lucky.

I am hetero-flexible. I respond sexually to girls, transvestites and transsexuals, as long as theyre garmented as girls. As soon as they put on men clothes, its not working for me.

I detected this back in 1987. I was in my 30 s when my live-in partner and I set up a role-play group. This was pre-internet, so we set an advert in a publication, and a lot of people joined, including trans girls. Its always been my attitude to be accepting of people.

In the end, its the cuddle and the spooning that are important. Sex is great, and Ive had one-night stands, but its empty as an experience. I opt the sex I have now to be part of a relationship, although nobody gets me exclusively any more.

Im on holiday with three girls at the moment. One is a former fan, one is current and one will be a fan in the future. We all know that. Nothing will happen behind anyones back, but neither does anyone have to know the full details. So thats what Im doing now, and I dont know what it constructs me, but I am instead enjoying it.

If I have an orgasm, I use it as time to focus on what I want to achieve, professionally or personally

Hattie, 41, five to 10 partners

Even if youre not in the mood for it, I think its good to have sex regularly, because it gets you out of a funk. It doesnt have to be a marathon. Theres a pressure around having great sex all the time, and get the doll out or doing the massage, but quickies can be great, too.

I have a little ritual around sex. If I have an orgasm, I use it as time to focus on what I want to achieve, professionally or personally, because its an empowering position to be in. Youre relaxed and positive, so putting out that vibe is a way of doing something with that energy.

My first teenage tries at sexuality were not promising. My confidence was low. I didnt have much of a drive and it all seemed a little bit painful and not a lot of fun. I didnt feel feminine and sensual in my 20 s at all. That came afterwards for me. I feel much more able to express myself now than I did when I was younger.

I think theres a tendency to put pressure on our partners to be everything: emotional and physical subsistence, great sexuality: its too much, particularly when children come along. Thats when my relationship broke down with my daughters dad.

My current relationship is genuinely positive. One thing I have learned is to maintain my privacy and not tell my partner everything. Not that Im being deceitful, but having bounds whether thats physical space or not oversharing is a good thing, because there needs to be a little bit of mystery there, too.

My most freeing experiences are usually around BDSM, inducing yourself with wax play, bondage, being blindfolded or spanked. Its that balance between being submissive and a feminist that I love. Its really nice to have person take control for a little while. It doesnt mean they take control in the rest of our life together. At the end of the working day, its merely an act.

Photograph: Liz McBurney for the Guardian

Ive had a few flings with girls, and detected Im probably not a lesbian

Samantha, 39, 20 to 40 partners

My mum was quite sexually aware and sassy. That was a positive influence. I wasnt made to think sexuality was bad or shameful, “its just” part of life. My parents kept it fresh. I received a pouch of naughty clothes in their wardrobe once, and I could never look at them the same route after that. They never let the trigger disappear. Even though there was a lot of screaming and slamming doorways, everyone elses mothers got divorced except mine.

There is the stuff Id instead forget( the dates where youre not that into it but end up drunkenly sleeping with them anyway ), but the things you think youll regret, you dont. Ive had a few flings with daughters. I learned Im likely not a lesbian, but I detected a lot about myself in the process.

Ive been with my partner for 10 years now. Its not the same as the early days, when you cant keep your hands off one another. We work at preserving the intimacy and excitement, because you dont want to get to the point where you know your partners next move, but we are still attracted to each other. I appreciate the fact that weve not done everything and there are adventures still to be had.

I still suppose Im the best person on earth for dedicating myself an orgasm; I guess men would say that, too. Girls need to get their boulders off in whatever way works best for them. Its important not to subsume your desires and needs for someone elses, because sexuality is so much better when a woman is genuinely enjoying herself.

The internet allowed me to be a lot more upfront about my intentions

Tom, 49, more than 100 partners

Even though a lot of guys talk lavishly about sexuality, I dont guess a lot of them care about it as much as they make out. Ive been having sex for 33 years, and it has always been of upmost importance.

I aimed up getting my first girlfriend pregnant when I was 17 and marriage her, so for the first six years I was having sex with only person or persons. After we divorced, I began to sleep with more girls. There was no internet back then, so it was asking for girls numbers in saloon. But I was an early user once the internet get started. It allowed me to be a lot more upfront about my intentions.

In my 20 s and 30 s, there was a clash between my need to experimentation and the recommend to be in a relationship. If I gratified someone I was very sexually into, Id mistake that for real feelings, dive in and it would all go wrong. It started to feel quite corrosive.

Ive been in a comparatively open relationship for the last eight years. Were together, but we can play with other people if we want to. Theres no lying involved, and that completely changes the dynamic. In past relationships, Id had affairs that felt like a big secret, but not now. Any participation is with my partners knowledge, and Im upfront about that with the women I meet. For some, that attains it instantly less appealing. Ive been in genuinely passionate flirtings that fizzle out the moment they realise Im not cheating.

My sex drive has started to diminish, but its a bit of a relief. I often is considered that if I was celibate, Id be a millionaire, because the time Ive expended pursuing women could have been spent on my career.

For two days after I sleep with someone, I dont trust my feelings. I call it the sexuality haze

Sadie, 25, undisclosed

This year has been my big sex awakening. My friends take the piss out of me: Sadies got that look in her eye. Watch out, men! At the same day, I have an old-fashioned shame thing when it comes to approaching men. I dont like that, but I think its quite emblematic of where women and men are at. No ones really sure what femininity means any more, and men dont know what masculinity stands for, either.

I was destroyed after my breakup and went online to remember how to interact with guys. Wed been together three years, and theres something wonderful about having sex encounters with people you really dont know, but its stressful as well. Online dating leaves a road of digital events to agonise over, depending on how emotionally vulnerable you feel. Like: Hes on Facebook now, so why isnt he getting back to me? Its a horror. And the very nature of the swipe interface on Tinder constructs the whole thing feel so disposable.

The only way Ive managed to deal with it is to set a framework in place you have to be able to protect yourself. Im methodical and rational about it now. I heard somewhere that women are predisposed to develop strong emotional ties with the person or persons they have sex with, especially if its great sexuality, so for two days after I sleep with someone, I actively dont trust my impressions. I call it being in the sexuality haze.

My allergy to relationships has passed now. Its been a year since we split. Im not as hungry as I was for new experiences. My ex had a looking that merely certain boys are capable of devoting: its about love, and who you are, and wanting you because of that, and thats really hot. I want to fall in love with a really sexy human who loves me. Is that too much to ask?

Photograph: Liz McBurney

Theres a simple sense of playfulness that get lost in adult sexuality

Sarah, 57, more than 1,000 partners

I had a breakdown at 13. I had a difficult household background and ended up in a psychotherapists office and then hospital. There was a lot of acting out and I lost my virginity shortly afterwards. I was interested in sexuality, but I had no appreciation of myself and I got a reputation for being easy without actually understanding how that had happened. I developed cravings, and as soon as my education was over, I left home. I fell into the gay women freeing movement, and for the next 25 years I identified as a lesbian.

As my addictions took over, I ended up in the sex business, and on my 30 th birthday I observed myself in rehab, having been charged with solicitation. I was so full of traumatic, undigested sexual experiences from the street; if I ever had a sexual feeling, Id shut it down.

Then, 10 years ago, I had a moment of clarity that I wanted to explore my sexuality with humen again. Being a lesbian had felt like part of who I was, so it was strange to grapple with the idea that it wasnt really true any more. One of the things I love about sex with women is that it can be so endless and full of possibilities. It doesnt have a clear start or a finish. But lesbian sexuality can at times feel labour-intensive in a way that sexuality with men doesnt.

I decided to start an erotic massage practise for men, and Ive became aware that Im much better at devoting pleasure than receiving it. Its erotic for me. Its a pleasure to give pleasure. Im moved and sometimes saddened by how much loneliness and longing I find in my naked men, but I also find a lot of what I call libidinal elation a simple sense of playfulness that I think get lost in adult sexuality as people struggle to hold partnerships together. That kind of play requires vulnerability, and an enormous currency in any relationship.

I was a 40 -year-old virgin when we marriage. I never sowed my wild oats

Terry, 67, one partner

Right from the start, I was sensitive and a little bit of a nerd. I recollect my mothers friends commenting that I looked like a little professor, and I was. At 26, the pressure and stress were getting to me. I tried online dating bureaux with no success. I was simply not equipped to get along with women. I spiralled into alcoholism and eventual recovery.

I met my spouse towards the end of my heavy-drinking period, and we pretty much clicked instantaneously. Our marriage has lasted 25 years, and its been solid throughout; we get on well and love each other deep. But weve had our challenges over the years with sex. I was a 40 -year-old virgin when we marriage and shed had sexuality only once before: at 21, consensual but traumatic, at a party.

She had been imbued with the idea of a womans duty or Lie back and think of England. Sex was invariably initiated by me and, at around 46, my wifes interest waned. The menopause came and ran, her libido dropped away and our sexual encounters stopped. We are physically affectionate and greatly attached, but I miss sex and that moment of communion. I masturbate most days, mainly to the kind of internet porn that demonstrates real couples or homemade stuff, but I miss body contact.

Photograph: Liz McBurney for the Guardian

I have developed a yearning for what is highly improbable: that I can take up with a young woman for casual pleasure without commitment. I have discussed this with my wife, who has not expressed aggression to the idea; she said she just wouldnt want to know the details. The last thing I want is to hurt her. Many of my friends confess to me the infidelities that theyve kept secret, and I simply cant comprehend such a thing. It would be agony. But I never sowed my wild oats, you watch, and I regret that. Is it too late to make up for that somehow?

I remember driving across township to have sex with a stranger

Jonathan, 50, 40 partners

Im definitely a one-to-one guy. Im not into sleeping around. For me, a big part of sexuality is getting to know someone. The more you feel that sense of commitment, that locking in of trust, the more playful and expressive you are able to be.

Im not in a relationship at the moment, but I can remember periods when Ive had to stop the car to have sex with a girlfriend on the way to Brighton, and its firm commitment that has enabled me to be mischievous and expressive like that.

The truly great moments? The first time is up there, because it felt significant and I felt really loved. I was 17. If there is such a thing as a top 10, Id include those moments in a relationship when you wake up in the night impression horny and have to have sex. Also, I recollect chatting to someone online when the internet was still a novelty and driving across town to have sex. I didnt well known and I didnt assure her again, but it was thrilling.

There have been all sorts of times, in tents or up mountains, but great sex has always been when Im in tune with person. I dont find uncertainty thrilling; I find it a pain in the arse.

I had a very experienced lover. I wasnt in love: he was just the facilitator of my fantasies

Rachel, 55, a few hundred partners

Generally, I feel a little bit flat. The ups and downs you get when you have periods are all gone. But its not as if Im thinking, I wish Id had more group sexuality or I wish Id shagged 100 more people. Because I did more in 10 years than most people have done in their entire lives.

I think there is a surge of hormones in your early 40 s perhaps your body is trying to fulfil its destiny because I felt up for it all the time. I was divorced, Id had my children and I was involved with a man who was a very experienced lover. I would tell him what was going through my head and he would make it happen. I wasnt committed to him, I wasnt in love. It was just: You are the facilitator of my fantasies. I wouldnt even know what was happening half the time, because there were so many different sensations going on in my body. It was quite spiritual, in a weird sort of way.

Women in their 40 s are dangerous. Theyre nuts. The great thing is that you have the mental capacity to switch off all the drama that you had in your 20 s Does he love me? Does he not love me? In your 40 s, youre like, I definitely do not love him but, by God, hes a good shag.

I think, for women, desire happens in the brain. This is something I am constantly telling my current partner. Weve been together three years and he doesnt get it. It amazes me that no matter how intelligent guys are, they simply do not appears to get that if you dont do certain things, youre not going to come. I think there must be a lot of women who fake it, because how else have men come to the conclusion theyre all so amazing?

The intellect is an erogenous zone. It doesnt have to be intercourse

Angela, 61, one partner

I have been married for 38 years and my husband is the only sexual partner Ive had. For the last 10 years, our marriage had lacked intimacy. It wasnt that we were unhappy, it just happened as it does to lots of people: intimacy, failure to communicate, the omnipresence of children.

Just over a year ago, when I was feeling particularly sad and frustrated about this, my husband reached out to me in bed. I think he simply touched me. It was as simple as that, but it was as if a floodgate had opened. It was like a thin wall had been there, so thin you could put your thumb through it, and thats all it took for someone to break it. Theres been no looking back since then, and sex is a wonderful part of our lives now.

Im sure it was exciting and lovely when we were younger, but I think it was probably more goal-oriented, and it isnt now thats a huge difference. Now its more about is available on the moment. The whole body can be an erogenous zone. The intellect is an erogenous zone. It doesnt have to be intercourse. Thats a tiny part of it for us. This is the greatest day of my life, sexually. Everything feels very heightened and real.

My husband said he didnt know how interested in sexuality I was, and he delights in it now. And because Ive become more open and able to express myself, he has as well. You guess, why didnt I say this a long time ago? Because it wasnt hard in the end. But theres no judgment or impression of disapproval or shock or anything. Its all just wonderful.

Whats your number? Tell us about your experiences anonymously.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

Burger King Instagram remarks help catch an unfaithful boyfriend

4 months, 5 days ago

Thanks to social media, secrets have no place to hide.

One unfortunate boyfriend received this out after he made what he thought was an innocuous comment on a Burger King Instagram photo.

He felt the need to share the story of his drive-through experience with his “girl” to the wide world of Instagram. He likely didn’t think that anyone he knew would insure his comment among the hundreds that pepper Burger King’s Instagram.

But lo and behold, person did see it.

Image: instagram

Instagrammer shanlee_rose then proceeded to tag some of her girlfriends in the post, so she could get some backup on the issue.

Image: instagram

“F ** king knew it, ” one of her friends commiserated.

“I told you I considered him with a girl, ” the other concurred. All evidence pointed to the inevitable fact that this guy was about to get roasted alive in Burger King’s Instagram commentaries, of all places.

But the boyfriend wasn’t going to go down without defending himself first.

Image: instagram

Image: instagram

Absolutely savage.

So, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, we’d just like to remind you to not be stupid on social media. Because relationships can be made and broken anywhere.

Image: instagram

Even on Burger King’s Instagram.

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