How to actually talk to a woman wearing headphones | Martha Mills

10 days ago

Martha Mills: How to talk to a woman wearing headphones, without seeming like a terrifying harasser

An article has surfaced from the quagmire of bilge the hell is The Internet and it has caused , not without reason, a small tornado of outrage. Written as dating advice for The Modern Man( a misnomer if ever there were one ), it promises a solution to the hot n horny down-on-their-luck young bucks of the world who face the tedious obstacle of a woman wearing headphones, because how dare she. And no, it isnt a parody.

You can read it in its full entitled glory, or stick with me as I dissect each grubby, jaw-dropping hallucination of psychopathic awfulness. Its going to be quite a ride.

How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones

These days, many females walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

Yet, that doesnt mean you cant talk to them.

Of course , not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.

However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend( or even a new devotee ), she will almost always be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.

The author, one Dan Bacon, could have saved us all a lot of bother here by answering his How to with Dont. Sadly he seems to have missed some basic behavioural science here; you assure, the very reason I and many other women wear headphones isnt as a trivial obstacle to some throbbing hormone mountain , nor as a challenge for those blessed with an abundance of ego. Its a defense. A defence against the aural onslaught of modern lifeand especially the leering advances of said pulsating hormone mountains. In short, we wear them because we dont want to be talked to. Its basic physics actually – we fill our ear pits to stop you from get in.

But back to Dan 😛 TAGEND

What to Do to Get Her Attention

1. Stand in front of her( with 1 to 1.5 meters between you ).

2. Have a relaxed, easy-going smile.

3. Is she hasnt already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she cant ignore it.

4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her headphones and say, Take off your headphones for a minute and pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands.

If she doesnt understand( most women will ), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing backward and forward from you to her and say, I want to talk to you for a minute.

In most cases, you wont have to go to that extreme, but some daughters are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and exhilaration about what is happening.

5. Then, do what we call Acknowledging the Awkwardness by rapidly mentioning something about the awkwardness of the moment( insure the conversation example below ), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isnt the most common of experiences for either party.

This helps set her at ease and know that you are a cool guy who she can relax and open up to.

I dont know if these five steps are a common thing, but I have personally experienced this several times. At step 1 I know what you are doing and Im dismissing you, hoping the ground will open up and take one of us to the depths of somewhere Hellish, which would be more pleasant than such a situation is developing to be. By step 3 Im not feeling aroused and Im not feeling flattered as Dan later tells his readers I will be – Im feeling harassed. Straight up, dictionary definition harassed.

By step 4 Ive learnt that you cant understand a basic body language brush-off and are therefore a direct threat to my personal safety. My brain is in oppose or flight, checking for escape roads, its trying to figure out just how aggressively youre going to react to any further action I take to extract myself from a situation altogether not of my own making and it is praying they use a flattering photo of me on the news , not that one when my front-facing camera went off accidentally that time.

According to step 5, the fact you have bullied me into one of the most awkward and scary moments of my life builds you a cool guy. Mr Bacon clearly has difficulty spelling. It begins with a t, Dan.

Heres Dans interpretation of how the conversation goes once a human has use his infallible five-point Jedi mind trick to bludgeon a woman from her blissful state of aural security:

You :[ Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey I know its not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was strolling along and saw you and thought wow, shes a cutie, I have to say hi. Im Dan, whats your name? Woman :[ Usually flattered by the compliment and impressed by your confidence to approach her like that] Jessica. You :[ Add in some humor] Coolnice to meet you Jessica. I dont normally talk to daughters with headphones, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me. Woman :[ Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the interaction ]. You :[ Let her know that you have something to do/ somewhere to go, so she understands that youre not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes] Anyway, so Im just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. Im on my route to a store up the street. Hows your day going so far?

In his scenario, Jessica has just been waiting her whole life to be blessed with the attention of a complete stranger who misstep hunched shoulders, darting eyes and rictus for giggling and smiling.

Heres how it plays out in real life. Trust me, Ive been it, insured it and spoken to the survivors:

Him : I see you dont want to be talked to but I find you physically attractive and Im constructing that your problem.

Her : Please leave me alone.

Him : F *** YOU, YOU STUCK UP B ****, I DIDNT FANCY YOU ANYWAY.

With advice like this out there, its hardly any surprise, is it? These lonely men so desperately in search of conquests have been given permission, blessed with the entitlement to go forth and pluck their bounty employing but five humble steps. So imagine their horror and indignation when that which has been promised doesnt want to be plucked and tells them to sling their greasy hook.

Next Dan listings the five mistakes men attain when approaching a woman who is wearing headphones. Sadly not one of them is to sod right off.

Points 1, 4 and 5 are fairly inoffensive, generic dating guff( be confident, be engaging, be flirty ), but oh boy, just try and get your noggin round points 2 and 3.

2. Allowing her to dismis him

Headphones are a great barrier between a person and the rest of the world.

That being said, if a guy wants to get a womans attention he needs to show confidence by being determined to get her to stop listening to the music and chat to him to him.

If a guy has a weak vibe or presence about him, a woman usually wont give in to his request for her to remove the headphones.

Women love to test guys to see how confident they truly are and a favorite test of women is to ignore a guys attempts to converse with her and find what he will do next. Will he walk away in shame, or will he remain calm and continue talking to her in a confident, easy-going manner?

This is her style of gauging his interest in her and also a way of determining whether he is mentally and emotionally strong enough for a girl like her.

If a guy devotes up at the first sign of resistance, most women will be to turn by his mental and emotional weakness as a man.

3. Allowing her to take control of the interaction

No matter how confident or challenging a woman might behave, she still dreams of fulfilling a guy who is more confident than her. A woman doesnt want to be forced to control an interaction with a guy( i.e. call the shots, boss him around ), but she will if she has to.

Controlling an interaction with a woman is not about bossing her around, being arrogant or being too assertive. Instead, you simply need to assume the role of the man and let her be the woman. In other terms, build her feel girly around you because you think, behave and feel( your vibe) so masculine.

The advice here is basically No doesnt mean no, it entails keep going until you get what you want – the screaming will stop eventually. Because apparently thats what women want – and forms the basis for a million rape defence lawsuits. Trust me, when we tell you to go away we arent testing your measure as a human, were testing how quickly your legs can carry you in an offward direction.

Put Dans advice into any other scenario for the true jaw-drop factor: Shopkeepers may lock their doors at night, but if you want a pint of milk, only hammer on the door until they open up. Theyll be flattered.

I appreciate the world of mating is hard but please, for the love of humanity, learn this: because we are want, doesnt mean you can have. Women are not commodities to be hunted and won, and if you have no luck find someone to bump pink bits with, thats your problem , not our flaw for not adhering to the playbook regulations. Its a playbook we never signed up for and its only a game if both teams actually know theyre playing.

Nowhere in his advice does Dan tell his disappointed man-babies how to handle rejection with grace, because the advice is simply not to accept it. This attitude is why I and countless other women have been been chased down the street, followed home, physically constrained, spat at, verbally abused and generally made to feel like garbage, merely for trying to exist.

So when, I hear the whiny pissbabies ask, when am I allowed to approach hot single women? Simple.

If a woman has her headphones in, the answer is never – and before you bleat on about ooh, what if theres a fire ?, shell reek it, even through all your bulls ** t. If youre in a bar or party, her flirtatious smile may be the come-on youre go looking for, but be prepared to accept that you read it wrong, politely wish her a good evening and toddle back up out of her life without 20 minutes of awkward pawing, insisting she let you buy her a rohypnoltini. But how about this; take up a hobby, ask your friends if they know of someone looking to date or( brace yourself for a whopper of a revelation) if youre looking for a horde of single, eligible girls all looking for friendship-maybe-more in one convenient place, try a dating site.

Anyway, coming soon from Dan Bacon, How To Talk To A Woman Through A Fog Of Pepper Spray. Probably.

Martha Mills is on Twitter as @mittendamour

Read more: www.theguardian.com

Blind date:’ I thought he was joking when he said he’s a Cliff Richard fan’

15 days ago

Did energy consultant Martin, 36, and copywriter Almaz, 28, hit it off?

Martin on Almaz

What were you hoping for?
Sparkling company, laughter and a relaxed evening.

First impressions?
Elegant, with a natural brightness and upbeat aura.

What did you talk about?
Music, dinner parties and cooking (Almaz likes to host big parties, while I prefer little gatherings), the role of the royal family, the cut-throat London dating scene.

Any awkward moments?
Not for me. Hopefully Almaz felt comfortable, too.

Good table manners?
Top notch.

Best thing about Almaz?
A lovely voice.

Would you introduce her to your friends?
Certainly. She is articulate, bright and funny.

Describe her in three words
Bright, elegant, engaging.

What do you think she made of you?
Id like to think she found me likable, talkative and entertaining. Im sure she noticed Im not so on trend.

Did you go on somewhere?
Part of our journey home.

And did you kiss?
Friendly continental kisses of greeting and parting only.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?
Nothing: I had a very nice evening, though I dont think either of us felt a chemistry.

Marks out of 10?
10.

Would you meet again?
I dont think wed plan anything, but if I saw Almaz out and about, Id definitely go over and say hello.

Almaz on Martin

What were you hoping for?
Butterflies and sexual tension.

First impressions?
Not my usual type.

What did you talk about?
Crossrail and salsa dancing (him), geopolitics and music festivals (me).

Any awkward moments?
I thought he was joking when he said hes a Cliff Richard fan.

Good table manners?
He let me eat more than my fair share, which was delightful.

Best thing about Martin?
No questionable views.

Would you introduce him to your friends?
I think theyd eat him alive.

Describe him in three words
Mild-mannered, good-natured, conventional.

What do you think he made of you?
Not what he was expecting.

Did you go on somewhere?
It was a Sunday night, so no.

And did you kiss?
A goodbye peck on the cheek.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?
Id have discreetly given the waiter my number, because we shared some intense looks.

Marks out of 10?
6.

Would you meet again?
Not intentionally.

Martin and Almaz ate at Goode & Wright, London W11.

Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com

If youre looking to meet someone like-minded, visit soulmates.theguardian.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

I Suppose She’s Trying to Tell You Something, Dude …

25 days ago

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17 Hilarious Tweets About Being Bi That’ll Make You Want To Celebrate Bisexuality So Hard

1 month, 2 days ago

You guys, if there’s something I love more than pizza, literally any other food, sleeping for extended periods of time, and being right all the time, it’s being bisexual. Seriously, it’s the best thing ever. Want to know why? Well, aside from confidently knowing that bisexuality is a totally real, valid, and awesome identity, from knowing that I, a raging bisexual, actually exist, despite what a lot of people try to tell me,  from knowing that I get to love and be attracted to two genders of dope humans, these tweets about being bisexual also make bisexuality the best thing ever. Because they’re hilarious. And I like laughing at funny things because I’m not a monster.

Want to know another really great thing about bisexuality? Sept. 23 is apparently International Celebrate Bisexuality Day. . What a day. I mean, I already celebrate my bisexuality every damn day on my own, but maybe since there’s a whole day dedicated to celebrating an amazing identity, I can go a day without people telling me to “put the wine bottle down” and to “stop yelling about bisexuality so much because it’s 2 a.m. and people are trying to sleep.” Ugh, whatever.

Anyway, here are a bunch of tweets about bisexuality, being bisexual, bi culture, and literally all other things being bi that will absolutely make you want to stand on top of a mountain, smash a beer can into your forehead, and scream, “I LOVE BEING BISEXUAL!” Or, you know, however else you wanna celebrate…

Accurate.

Also accurate. We bisexuals have the lowest possible bullsh*t threshold.

*One decently attractive dude walks by* GOD DAMN IT, I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS.

Pink? Blue? Purple? Unicorn? I should cut it short, right? Nah, I’m gonna keep it long and only get a few natural highlights. LOL, JK. Getting bangs.

Literally, I just have to lock myself in a room, I guess, because TV characters won’t .

Bisexuals: We know what we like.

“She’s so cool and smart and funny and pretty, and I only think about making out with her because I secretly want her face.” — A statement I genuinely believed was logical growing up.

Please, continue serving my bi-ass life to me on a silver platter in 140 characters or less. Thank you.

Attention: Pausing your regularly scheduled funny tweets to let everyone know that bisexuality can be different for different people.

Bi update: It’s not just today. I’m just a generally loud bisexual.

TBH,  was very informative in my bisexual youth.

Blessed be the fruit of my bisexual ass.

THIS TWEET JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE.

I am amazing. Thank you for your time.

I love being on the winning team.

Damn, this is .

Where. Is. The. Damn. Lie?

Wow, I feel so rejuvenated. I love being bi.

This International Celebrate Bisexuality Day, make sure you go out and celebrate all your bisexual friends and loved ones. Give ’em a hug, if they’re into that sort of thing. Buy ’em a drink. Yell about how great bisexuality is with them, because odds are, they’re already doing it when they’re alone, and the more, the merrier.

And if you’re a raging bisexual like me, or a non-raging one, rest assured that you’re 100 percent on a winning team. Any team in the LGBTQ+ community is winning. We’re all winning.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

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If Youre Guilty Of Feeling These 4 Things While Using Dating Apps, Youre Sabotaging Yourself

1 month, 27 days ago

If you want a relationship, but you aren’t on dating apps( or you are and you dislike them ), let me ask you a question: Why? Would you instead fulfill person the “old-fashioned way”? Do you think gratifying someone on a dating app is not romantic enough of a meet cute? Are you still holding on to the idea of bumping into someone on the street who happens to be your soulmate? Do you believe dating apps don’t work for you? I’m not judging you, I swear. I just want to understand what it is about dating apps that you are so against.

I gratified my current boyfriend on Bumble, and I can assure you that our connect is just as strong and romantic as any couple who met in person. I can also assure you that the chances of your perfect match falling into your lap without you putting any work into finding them is less than zero. And if you merely countered that with, “But our didn’t have dating apps! ” may I remind you that our grandparents also had black and white televisions with a choice of, like, three channels to settle on, and if that’s not a metaphor for dating back then, I don’t know what is.

Dating apps have created a whole world of opportunity that our grandparents never had. You have the chance to meet people “youve never” would have met on your own, to learn more about yourself than you could ever imagine, and to surprise yourself with whom your heart is capable of falling for. But if you don’t consider dating apps that way, you’re never going to find love.

If you have the following four impressions while use Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or whatever your preferred app is, you’re going to have a hard time procuring your soulmate.

1. Picky

We all have an image in our head of the kind of person we “should” be with, but if you want to find love on dating apps, you’ve got to get rid of that image. Rejecting a person who has blonde hair because you like brunettes, who’s 5’11” because you’d opt 6’0 ” or higher, or who’s a political journalist because you generally go for artists will only limit the pool of people you could possibly connect with. What if you have more in common with the journalist than you did with any painter you’ve ever dated? What if you find that you like a person who’s closer to you in height because it’s easier to kiss them that style?

Better yet, what if you come to discover that your fiction of what your life is “supposed” to be like isn’t even what you really wanted? Maybe you’ve always gone for artists, but what if you find yourself feeling inspired by your journalist partner to take up an interest in political activism? What if that was a part of you that you didn’t even know existed, but aims up fulfilling you more than anything you’ve ever done?

If you are even slightly attracted to someone’s profile, even if they don’t seem anything like the person or persons you imagined yourself with, swipe right. You just never, ever know.

2. Judgmental

I know lots of people who, for whatever reason, suppose dating apps are filled with gross, weird people. But that’s absolutely no truth to the rumors! People on dating apps are normal. And allow me to remind you that “normal” does not mean a model robot who was programmed specifically to be compatible to you. “Normal” entails a human who is flawed and imperfect, much like yourself.

If you reject someone because one of their paintings isn’t the greatest or because the pun in their profile didn’t build you laugh hard enough, that doesn’t mean that person is gross or weird. It means they’re trying their best. It means they are a human. Give people a break, OK? If you excavate someone’s profile overall but you think the movie they listed as their favorite is horrible, it would candidly be ridiculous to swipe left. All that does is reduce your shot at love.( Also, if you’re not going to date someone just since they are like one “bad” movie, you’ve got some work to do on yourself .)

3. Bored

What kinds of dialogues are you having? Are you re-using the same “Hey, how’s your day? ” line over and over again and having the same lame dialogues about run and whatever mundane thing you and this stranger are doing in that moment? If so, I’m sorry, but you’re not going to connect with anyone that way. You’re just going to be bored.

There are a ton of suggestions on the internet for great pick-up lines to use on dating apps that will increase your chances of having interesting conversations with your matches. Elite Daily has a ton! We create them all the time just for you! Use them! Here they are! And here’s more ! One more for good measure. Aaaaand one more. OK, I’m done.

Many of my friends tell me they’re nervous to ask a funny topic or use a clever pick-up line they found on the internet because it’s not “who they are.” While I can understand that, know that you will have plenty of opportunities to show who you really are as you continue on with your conversation. You just need to get your foot in the door first. My co-worker helped me craft my first Bumble message to my last boyfriend, and that exchange began a wonderful, year-long relationship. Once you’re in, then you can work your own brand of magic.

4. Defeated

I know how annoying it is when you message people who don’t answer, when you chat with people you don’t end up going on dates with, or when you go on dates with people who suck. But how about instead of dating at the mercy of your matches, you set your own rules? How about you make a promise to yourself, today, to take full control of your dating life? If someone doesn’t ask you out after communicating for two days, either ask them out yourself (# feminism) or un-match them. If you message four people and nobody gets back to you in a day, un-match them and start over with four new people. If a month goes by and you haven’t gone on a single date yet, re-vamp your profile, re-think your preference sets, and/ or re-adjust your dialogue starters. If you’ve merely gone on bad dates, chalk them up to funny narratives and just keep trying.

Before I fulfilled my boyfriend, I weeded through dead-end conversations, f* ckboys, and catfishes, but I never let myself feel defeated. At worst, I amassed great stories and experiences. At best, I learned about what I want, what I guessed I wanted( but actually didn’t ), and what I definitely do want in a partner.

See the beauty in the process of using dating apps. Don’t feel repudiated every time you don’t fall in love, because once you do, you’ll keep forgetting all the bullsh* t you had to endure to get there.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV .

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1. Forever secretary ?~ ATAGEND

I know one daughter who still checked her ex boyfriend’s email four years after they is broken. I guess he never changed his password.

2. They should’ve started a religion !~ ATAGEND

My friend was dating a girl for a couple of months when she told him that she was pregnant and he was the father. He broke up with her after that because…they had never had sex.

3. Hardcore stalker

Went on a date with her, she was a super nice girl and …. okay …. in the looks department. I entail, I had fun on the date, but wasn’t attracted to her. Didn’t plan on a second.

One day she calls, and I answer because, what the hell. She asked what I was doing tonight, and the” She wants to know if we can go on a second date ,” buzzer starts running off. I told her I had schemes, which I legitimately did.” Plans doing what ?”

” Uhhh … having dinner with my family and close friends .”

Long story short, she just depicted up. And when she depicted up, she didn’t say hi. Merely stood behind my chair and gazed. I had no idea she was there because my back was to the door. When dinner objective, she asked what I was doing then. I flat out told her that was going home. She followed me home. Told her to leave, and never spoke to her again.

Creepiest goddamn thing in dating yet.

4. Intense “tattoo” art ?~ ATAGEND

My roommate in college was dating a guy and he would often spend nights at our place. All of a sudden he stopped coming around. I asked her what happened to him and she said that she found out he had a crush on me. I asked how she knew and she informed me that he had engraved MY name into his arm.

5. Not the best gift giver ?~ ATAGEND

Showing up at a Donut Shop two months after the breakup to give you an anniversary gift, and it’s a gun rack.

6. Casting spells, or just crazy ?~ ATAGEND

Waiting until everyone’s asleep, and then talking to herself in multiple voices, giggling sporadically.

Freaked my friend right the hell out.

7. Just having the eyes, man

Crazy eyes. I’m talking about you can see her entire iris and it looks like she’s trying to keep her eyes open as wide as is practicable. Something about it just induces them seem dead inside…

8. How are you able turn this down ?~ ATAGEND

I had a girl come up to me once at a party and tell me she hadn’t changed her panties in a week and would let me” do anal on her .”

Never spoke to her in my life before. She was a friend of a friend. I kindly turned down her offer.

9. Plz plz no

Talking about kid names at week 2.

NOPE….

10. Comparing sizes

Taking about the size of the dicks of the guys they’ve been with. As if thats somehow going to impress me or construct me competitive .. Has happened to me twice

11. More dick-related stuff

I once had a girl go into great detail, while at dinner on our first date, about how her last two ex’s had huge penises and while she liked it she was always very sore for a few days after. She then told me she was happy she was out with a “normal” guy.

The thing is, she had never seen or felt mine and had no information about it at all. She hadn’t even asked me how big it was. She was just assuming, by looking at me, that I had a small penis.

12. Talking about ex’s is weird

For me when they mention any ex at all. Once or twice is fine. If it’s a funny story, go for it, I have a good sense of humour. But when it’s” don’t do that, my ex never did that” or,” my ex does this so you should do it like that .” Yeah go back to him cheating and verbally abusing you then.

13. WTF is wrong with people

I remember a goth chick style back in jr high who used to try devoting herself tattoos in class. She’d dip a sewing needle into ink and stab along her arm all through class. Tried talking to her asking if she was alright, but she kept going on about how cool it was and I really didn’t want her to try stabbing me with it( she asked if I wanted one when I ensure her doing it ).

Later on she used the same needle and would sew thread throughout her hand and limb. Watching this actually made me pretty nauseous and thankfully our educator finally noticed. I also noticed corpuscles of blood on her desk afterwards and the janitor wiped it down with water and a newspaper towel.

14. This is just stupid

Girls that look to add you to their collection

” Oh, I’ve never been with a tall guy/ black guy/ uber driver before “.

I had someone try to sleep with me strictly because she had slept with my twin friend, and” wanted to complete the situated .” Gross, Jill. Gross

15. Speaking in tongues

I met a girl at a bar one night and she gave me her number. I called the next day and we stimulated plans for the weekend. We went to dinner and had a few drinks while listening to the band. The night was getting on and we decided to head back to her place.

Things get quiet during the car ride when out of nowhere she turned to me and said in a deep voice,” Your mother’s name is Dorothy and you are the antichrist .” I immediately asked, “what?” Her reply was,” oh sometimes I just say weird things .” My mommies name is Dorothy. Tldr ; I may be the antichrist.

16. R u even human ?~ ATAGEND

Randomly meowing like a cat. Had a girl do this all the time and I never knew how to respond.

17. Separation is okay !~ ATAGEND

if she maintains texting you every five minutes since you didn’t answer.

18. S-E-P–AR–AT-I-O-N

I was dating a cheerleader in college, and then I transferred and we kept dating. I would always complain about her, and when she visited, she was super nice and friendly to my whole social circle. So all my friends liked her and believed I was just being mean.

When were in a group, she called, and I didn’t answer. And I told them to pay attention to my phone. She called 15 times in a row( which was common ). We were drinking, so we kinda made an impromptu drinking game out of it, my friends eventually saw where I was coming from.

19. Interesting decorations

Horse posters. Stay away from the ones with pony posters.

20. Knives for teeth ?~ ATAGEND

Once made out with one at a party and somehow cut my cheek. She didn’t have braces and she sliced my cheek from the inside.

21. Just f* cking nuts

Her stalking the guy all the way to the mall where he was having lunch with his mother and friends after she simply threatened to tell his entire household that he” raped her” if he ever tried to break up with her. This was only one of the many stunts she pulled. That daughter was absolutely nuts.

Man, with friends like these, I don’t need to bother with watching daytime television. I got all the drama I require right here.

22. STOP

When she tells,” I went through your phone last night…who’s mama ?”

23. She be creepin ‘~ ATAGEND

Creeping through your telephone/ FB inbox. With my spouse, I’m an open book; she knows my passwords and has access to all of that stuff. But she never goes through it because she’s not an insecure mess.

My ex OTOH, I never dedicated her any of my passwords because I didn’t trust her. She creeped through my computer a few times when I was asleep. There’s no need for that even though I have nothing to hide. Just let me have some privacy, and trust me.

24. C-R–AZ-Y

When I caught her in the bathroom after a bj rubbing my wad into her pussy. I presumed she was just spewing it out in the sink and cleaning up. Nope. She was 35 and really wanted a baby before “it was too late”

25. Weird quotes

If they use that quote” if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”, I can guarantee you they’re a fucking whack job.

26. Getting in our business

Getting too touchy or even trying to kiss you when you’re not interested. I mean, what the fuck, if a dude did that they’d be accused of sexual assault, but some females simply don’t see it as wrong.

27. Breaking and entering

Crazy girl I dated once broke into my pad when I wasn’t there and touched a bunch of my shit and went through things. She tried to make-up some excuse about forgetting her key, but she failed to acknowledge I had locked the doors.

Turns out she stole my housekey, made a transcript of her own, then came around when I wasn’t there to chill. I merely went out with her a couple times, but since I tapped it she somehow figured my shit was now her’s!

28. More animal stuff

One of my exes( God, that feels awkward saying) would hide under her bed when emotionally distressed( she was also a cutter to make things worse) and one time the police had to pull her out. She was reported hissing and growling at the officers like a cat during the event.

She had also concealed a vial filled with her blood and her ex’s( she had some very serious problems) under the bed as well. She apparently had a lot of stuff from her ex( and myself after we is broken) that she stashed throughout her room for safe keeping.

29. Wowowowowow

I had a buddy, his ex tried to poison him by putting windshield wiper liquid in his ice cubes. He was a day laborer and drank tons of water. He started to set it together when the water savoured funny all the time and he kept getting bad headaches.

30. Watching me from her auto

I was seeing a girl for a little bit … Nothing exclusive … A month or two in, she gives me the we should be exclusive talk. I don’t think I can see someone who insures other women. I told her that I liked her, but I wasn’t really looking for anything monogamous. Same story that I’ve given her from the beginning. So she leaves my house in tears. Objectives things. So I was frustrated because she was nice, but I understood her position too, but I didn’t want to budge on mine either. Fast forward the next day and I haven’t answered her text. I get a text that says, I left something at your doorway … So I’m like WTF? She left a card, and a periodical since I write music. Super sweet gift. I messaged her back, asking hey? why didn’t you ring the door buzzer and come in? And she’s like well I didn’t think you’d want to see me or talk to me anymore … bla bla bla…

So we spend the next two hours re-hashing the few months we spent together. I decide to go jump in the pond for an hour and shivering. Come back out, and my phone is filled with text. But now it’s filled with pictures of my house! I’m like WTF is this? I was in the pool, whats going on? And she was like, I never went home after I dropped off the gift. I’m parked across the street.

Creeped me the fuck out. I invited her in. She gave me the I don’t care if you see other people and I objective it there. It was super creepy. For a few hours she was parked outside my house, talking to me, rather than coming in and having a talk … That sealed it for me…

31. Goodbye, then .~ ATAGEND

Had a girl talk to herself in the bathroom mirror at 2 in the morning about her day because” I didn’t dedicate her enough attention .”

32. That’s awkward

Smearing menstrual blood on her face.

33. A little too horny

There’s this girl in my alumnu classesgod damnit. She will send me texts in the middle of our 4 our class telling me how much she needs to masturbate. Or maybe sometimes simply describing the erotic fan fiction she is reading. Or asking me to tell her a dirty joke late at night. Or randomly sending me emojis about drinking cum( eggplants and the like ). Or making a face like she just wanted suck my dick EVERY TIME she leave my apartment. Jesus, just stop already, I’m not into it.

34. Jesus …~ ATAGEND

writing you a letter in their period blood telling you they want your newborn. bar seems to be set a bit high for women than men but that did it for me

35. Please let this be fake .~ ATAGEND

I currently run( occasionally) with this really socially awkward girl. Being socially awkward isn’t a big deal. But when we’re in the office together, she sits in a corner on the ground in fetal position, lies on the ground all huddled up, and other odd things. She has strolled to a define of draperies and wrapped it around herself like a cocoon in front of around 14 people who were in the room with us at the same hour, told a colleague that he should cut off half his face because it would be cool, told the same colleague that she wants to jump off the building and stab herself in the belly( but she doesn’t want to die ), asked multiple people what they would do if she punched them in the face( she couldn’t hurt a fly because she is so damn scrawny ).

She also states that she can’t eat meat because before her dietary selection of only feeing potatoes( no meat, fish, processed food, soy, legumes, grains or bread) after feeing meat, 2-3 weeks later, she would feel sick.( I’m pretty sure her body would have processed the meat long before she would feel ill, but she” knows things” about her body ). Though she says she doesn’t eat processed foods, she buys these food bars off the internet and eat them. Bars of food do not grow on goddamn trees in perfectly rectangular prisms you daft girl!

We live in the same building and I was came back home in the late evening, and find her sitting on the ground in the dark. All I insured was her pasty white face in the darkness like some ghost. Apparently the neighbours watched her there too. She had procured a stray cat and named it and was just sitting there in the dark petting it.( I like cats too, but I don’t act as creepy as she does .) She took the cat in despite the building not allowing pets. It’s a running gag among colleagues that everyone should make sure they lock their doorways because she’d likely kill you in your sleep if she had the chance and her explanation/ defense would be” But the cat told me to do it .”

She shows up to social gatherings like movie nights and brings cat hair covered cookies for her potluck contribution. Then she proceeds to wrap herself in a blanket she brings with her and sleeps in her cocoon nation. We’ve been hoping that she just stops coming to events we invite her to out of obligation. Also the hope of her coming out of her blanket cocoon as normal person after a metamorphosis would be nice.

36. lowkey

I had a girl collect my hair once.

37. Imaginary sex tension

When she comes up to you at a party and starts talking about the( non-existent)” undeniable sex tension” between us, and how this party was a great place for everyone to relieve their sex tension. I noped the fuck out of that conversation in record time.

It’s probably worth noting that I had only really talked to her once before when we were both in a group on 10 or so people playing drinking games at college. She was fairly flirty and made a couple of advances which I did not reciprocate, because I was seeing someone at the time, and induced that quite clear.

38. Weird small talk

When you jokingly say you like spoonfuls and she follows you around campus for four years, almost never talking to you or acknowledging your wavesexcept occasionally to ask if you” remember that we both like spoonfuls a lot .”

39. hello, it’s me .~ ATAGEND

When I was in college, a girl in one of my art seminar classes had a crush on me. Somehow she found out where I lived on campus and one day when I looked out my window, she was standing outside staring at me.

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3 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Cheating, Even Though They’ve Been Distant Lately

4 months, 6 days ago

I’ve been cheated on in the past, and ever since it happened, I assume that all of my subsequent partners will cheat on me, too. So when my last boyfriend started seeming disinterested in our relationship, I instantly assumed it was because he wanted out or liked someone else. However, I had to remind myself that it was most likely my old baggage building my way into my new relationship with a good man. So I started asking myself, what are signs he’s not cheating, even if he might be remote and withdrawn / refused in the relationship? It’s important to stay grounded, especially when you’re guessing the worst.

When we’re in fear, it’s easy for our intellects to jump to conclusions. It’s not like when there’s commotion in our relationship, we instantly assume the best. Usually, we connect the dots of questions that don’t exist. But we need to take into account other things that are going on in our partners’ lives and learn not to take them personally. Merely because my significant other doesn’t talk a lot at dinner one night, or we don’t have sex for a week, doesn’t mean they don’t like me anymore … probably.

Just to make sure, I asked Susan Winter, relationship expert and best-selling author, the ways to tell your partner is still being faithful, despite potentially being forgetful in your relationship. Because it’s important to differentiate between what’s a real concern in a relationship, and what’s your insecurity talking.

1. You Know Their Morals Are Aligned

I’ve been cheated on in the past, so I tend to bring that fear into all of my relationships. If person doesn’t answer my text within a few hours, then they are definitely cheating! There’s no other plausible excuse, such as work or a personal life issue. But then, I started dating a human who told me flat-out that he had never cheated before and would never cheat on me now or in the future. He was vehemently against it, and it was against his moral code. So I had no choice but to take his term for it.

“There’re lots of guys that have a code of ethics that accompany them into their relationships, ” tells Winter. “They’re simply not cheaters. You have to know who your guy is at his core.”

If you know deep down your partner is someone with a really good head on their shoulders, then it’s best not to jump to conclusions and assume they are cheating.

Winter says to ask yourself, “What are his values? What is his attitude on the importance of trust and loyalty? If these are the principles he holds dear, then it’s unlikely he’d compromise them with you.”

Don’t presume the worst in people, especially people. Instead of jumping instantly to blamed if there is inconvenience in your relationship, try to approach the concern first with empathy and understanding, particularly if your partner is the type of person who deserves it.

2. They Likely Have Another Stressor On Their Mind

nd3 000/ Shutterstock

“In[ a woman’s] world, silence is an indication that something’s wrong. In a man’s world, his stillnes can simply entail he’s decompressing, ” tells Winter.

In my last relationship, it was actually the opposite. I crave a lot of peace and alone time, while my need for quiet actually induced my boyfriend uncomfortable. He took it personally. But in relationships, it’s important not to take responsibility for our partner’s emotions and assume the worst.

“It isn’t always’ about us, ‘” she continues. “We fool ourselves into thinking we’re the centres of our man’s every waking thoughts and emotion. We’re not. He could be distracted by something at work or considering what he’s about to do next.”

Sometimes, you take a bad week at work home with you, or issues with your family are plaguing you and affecting you in the bedroom. It’s important to understand that, as individuals, we have a world that exists outside of the relationship, too. Take that into consideration if your partner seems withdrawn or isn’t devoting their undivided attention at all times.

Don’t presume his mood is about you, and don’t turn it into a number of problems. Picking him apart by insisting that his silence or moodiness is somehow related to you or the relationship is a big mistake, ” Winter adds. “He may not know why he’s quiet or distant. And if you give him a plausible reason (‘ it’s the relationship’ ), he may simply believe you.”

By worrying and conveying our concerns through anxiety, sometimes, we create problems in our relationships that don’t exist. It’s always best to ask questions and communicate openly rather than making assumptions.

3. They Don’t React Negatively If You Tackle Them About Their Behavior

berc/ Fotolia

When you’re lying about something and someone calls you out on it, your normal response is to have a huge reaction. You get upset that they’re even asking you or accusing you of being unfaithful. You’ll get defensive — angry. You’ll make up some longwinded tale to get yourself out of it. On the other hand, though, someone who isn’t cheating will react calmly when asked such a question.

“If you decide to ask him directly, his first reaction is likely to be embarrassment. His response will feel natural in its delivery, ” tells Winter. “This is something that’s come out of nowhere, and he doesn’t have a pre-scripted answer. He’ll have to organize his intellect to take in what you are implying, so he won’t be’ practiced’ at his response.”

So essentially, their answer won’t feeling rehearsed, but instead, it will feel because it is. “A guy who’s cheating will instantly jump to the defensive. He’ll feign righteous outrage, ” she continues. “He’ll protest mightily and act wounded and upset that you’d ever believe such a thing. Then, he’ll do the turn-around and switch to the offensive. He’ll begin attacking you, projecting that this is your remorse, anxiety, or insecurity.”

When it comes to cheating, it’s important not to assume the worst, even if there’s distance in your relationship. People go across things in their personal life, and sometimes, you take it home into your relationship. Don’t take things personally, or generate problems that were likely to not exist. But if you want to get to the bottom of the questions, come to the situation with love and empathy and openly communicate, rather than jumping to anger and accusations. Your relationship will be better off for it.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more tales just like this !

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