5 Days Fans Said, ‘Here, Let Me Help’ And Did

12 hours ago

When it comes to entertainment, I’m usually not a huge supporter of fan involvement. Especially if the thing the creators made is already awesome. I’m firmly planted in the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy, because I believe that if creating kickass content was easy, everyone would be doing it, and it would pay less than minimum wage. But then these things happen, and my whole worldview gets punched right in its butthole …

#5. Jimmy Wong Covers Adventure Time‘s “Bacon Pancakes”

The Awesome Original

For the seven people who have never seen Adventure Time: It has this awesome, super weird, childlike charm that’s hard to describe. If you were to gather a group of 10-year-old kids, put projectors on their imaginations, and then get them really, really high, this show is what would erupt from their thinkskulls.

A big part of that is because one of the main characters (Jake) is played by John DiMaggio, who has voice roles in probably half of your favorite cartoons, including Bender from Futurama. John is one of those rare talents who is so funny, he could tell me my mom died and I’d be totally OK with that.

In the episode “Burning Low,” Jake sings a little snippet of a song he made up while cooking breakfast, and the internet did what it does best, latching onto it like it was the pinnacle of musical achievement. Twitter and Facebook were immediately saturated with GIFs, memes, videos, macros … feel free to look those up at your leisure. I don’t have the mental strength to find and link them. But the one I will direct you to is …

The Awesome Fan Creation

Keen-eyed and super awesome observers will recognize that group of human faceheads as Jimmy Wong, who plays Fred Chu in John Dies At The End. Jimmy decided that the single verse of “Bacon Pancakes” that Adventure Time provided wasn’t enough, so he gathered up a shitload of instruments and recording equipment and set out to write a full version.

What we got is one of the catchiest earworms I’ve ever heard. It’s so goddamn smooth and professional, I’m surprised Cartoon Network didn’t adopt it as their channel’s overall theme. Just embedding that clip into this article guarantees I’ll have it stuck in my head for the next week, and surprisingly that doesn’t piss me off.

#4. Diablo Fans Get Tired Of Waiting And Make Their Own

The Awesome Original

Diablo and its follow-up, the creatively named Diablo II, are among the greatest action role-playing games of all time. The weirdest thing about their popularity is that they took one of the biggest complaints from RPGs, “kill this boss 8,000 times until you get awesome gear,” and modeled their entire game around it.

Strangely, it works. Awesome weapons and armor drop frequently enough that it lured gamers back to play through their virtual mazes like Pavlovian lab rats. It added a replayability that a lot of games at the time lacked. You can spend a few days blasting through the main storyline and then spend the next month using Diablo II as a means of destressing from everyday life. Just shut off your brain, kill demons, and pick up loot. It is damn near perfect.

The problem was that D2 was released in June of 2000. A year later, they released an expansion, and then … well, that was it. Blizzard announced that they were making Diablo III seven years later, and it took another four years even after that to finish and release it. In the meantime …

The Awesome Fan Creation

Some time around 2007, a bunch of fans got sick of waiting for not just Blizzard but any company at all to release an unshitty game in the style of Diablo II, so they said, “Fuck this. We’ll create our own.” Remember, D3 wasn’t announced until a year after the players’ decision to design their own game, and by that point, they’d already given Blizzard over six years to step up to the plate.

For the next three years, they created Path Of Exile (available at that link or on Steam) in secret, and they eventually announced the title in 2010. They officially released it in 2013, and not only is it arguably better than Blizzard’s third incarnation of Devil: The Choppening, it was and still is 100 percent free. Not “free to play” or “pay to win.” I mean full-on fr-motherfucking-ee. The only things you can buy with real money in this game are cosmetic items and some bank tabs.

Here’s the kicker: They didn’t just throw this thing out into the void and forget about it. They actually update and support it regularly. Not just content updates but four huge, cock-punching expansions. They’ve regularly added new classes and subclasses, leagues, hardcore modes, and one of the most awesome skill trees you’ll ever see in any video game. No, seriously, check this bitch out.

#3. Mortal Kombat Gets A Gritty Makeover

The Awesome Original

Mortal Kombat is one of my guilty pleasures because it doesn’t try to be something it’s not. It’s a movie about kicking people in the face. The plot can go fuck itself. The fight scenes are beautifully choreographed, and seeing characters like Sub-Zero and Scorpion come to life brings out the old-school video game fanboy in me. To this day, I still yell “GET OVER HERE” every chance I get, which annoys the living shit out of the people who are morally bound to tolerate me.

I can admit, though, that the lack of depth is a problem. We get some basic background on each of the main characters, but there just isn’t enough time to dig into each of their lives. You can’t really blame them — the movie has like 7,000 fighters. To keep it to a respectable hour and a half, motivation has to be left at, “Your character is a movie star. Do the splits and punch that guy in the cock.”

Awwwwww COCK!

The Awesome Fan Creation

I was tempted to not include this entry because Kevin Tancharoen isn’t exactly an amateur. Even at the time this came out, he had a pretty impressive resume in the entertainment industry that ranges from being a dance choreographer for Madonna to co-creating MTV’s DanceLife. Yeah, I’ve never heard of it either, but the point is that creating a show that ends up on MTV kind of takes you out of the amateur circle jerk. But he wasn’t exactly Steven Spielberg.

That’s why it’s impressive that he took a big ol’ hard fanboy look at Mortal Kombat and thought, “This could be so much cooler.” So he filmed a gritty trailer that’s almost eight minutes long and threw it up on the internet, and it is fucking awesome:

The plan was to get Warner Bros. to let him make an actual movie out of it. Being the soulless crackfarts that they are, they basically told him to lick their assholes and then gave him permission to turn it into a webseries. I was going to link to the YouTube videos, but some of them have been marked private for … some reason? Just get all the seasons on Steam. They’re free.

Read more:

Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For October 30 th-November 5th

1 month ago

Is it cold in here or is it only your heart? Saturn enters its own sign the coming week and Saturn is totes like, THE winter sign. It might be a great week to stock up on fuckboys mood lighting and fuzzy blankets. I entail, also, we are entering cuffing season, so don’t be shocked if your thirst is at an all period high the coming week. Oh, also, it’s a full moon at the end of the week so be developed for that to fuck up some shit.

Aries

This is the week where you need to confront shared expenses. Ew. It’s the first of the month so perhaps this just means reminding your roommates to pay rent, or, maybe this is serving as your reminder to pull your own damn weight and pay rent yourself. The full moon at the end of the week falls in your money home while Mars is opposite your sign. Mars can promote arguments, so go with the flow and pay up where you owe fund. If you need to ask someone else to quit being fucking inexpensive and pay their share, maybe delayed until next week so they’ll be more likely to be understanding.

Taurus

The full moon at the end of the week is the only full moon to take place in your sign all year! As per usual, the full moon means you might have some bumpy roads ahead when it comes to your relationships. You genuinely need to take a fucking chill pill as the weekend approaches, because the problem actually isn’t with other people right now–news flash, their own problems is you. You’re just a little bit more easily annoyed than usual. That’s entirely fine. Just veg out with Xans/ wine until your aggravation passes.

Gemini

In typical Gemini fashion, you’ve got two different forces at play in their own lives this week. One is all about that party life. Half of you is sociable, extroverted and ready to keep the Halloweekend party rolling all week. The other influence at play builds you want to work hard and get shit done. This is such the stereotypical “work hard/ play hard” week for you. The full moon might make some difficulties with your health, though, so stock up on that Emergen-C for after you indulged your “play hard” side.

Cancer

The things you love most–parties, friends, romance, sexuality, etc–will cause you the most stress the coming week. Fuck that shit, right? So, yeah, you’ll get to enjoy all the best things about your life, but the full moon at the end of the week also attains sure those things come with strings attached. Don’t fret too much about that tension, though; it should totally dissipate by next Sunday/ Monday. In fact, since shit won’t end up being a big deal to you, try to be somewhat accommodating to the other signs because the full moon is impacting them in bigger routes. Ugh, you are just such a good friend.

Leo

When most signs are fucked up because of the full moon, the lucky Leo betch actually gets a boost from Venus and Mars. The planets promote your ability to communicate effectively. Like, you’re commonly the “take charge” sign, but, as most other signs will be slacking the coming week, you’ll truly have to step up to your leadership role. Severely , no one is doing this full moon better than you are right now.

Virgo

Shit continues to be fast-paced for you this week. Like, what’s new, right? There are parties to attend, errands to running and general fun to be had. You have a strong need to communicate with others and express yourself this week. Of course, the things you want most are the things that get fucked up most by the full moon. Expect some flubs when it comes to your travel plans and communication. Wires get intersected. Shit happens. You’ll pull out of it by Sunday.

Libra

The full moon on Friday will stimulate you stress about your finances. Wait, is pay day this week or next week? Shit. You might even have some disagreements when it comes to where you make money or how you spend it. Fortunately, the majority of members of this shit really clears up and resolves itself by next Sunday. Also, Mars builds your sign feisty this week. Which might be a good thing in the bedroom, but won’t serve you well in the boardroom. Maintain a lid on the position at work.

Scorpio

YAS QUEEN! This is your motherfuckin’ day! You are empowered as shit, because the Sun is in your sign along with Mercury and Jupiter. Sort of unfortunately, the full moon at the end of the week is the only one opposite your sign all year. You’ll most likely be stressed about something going on in your relationships with significant others and your best friends. This week’s stress will be gone by the start of next week, so you can go back to fully enjoying your best time of the year.

Sagittarius

Some signs take a direct hit from the full moon. In your sign, though, the full moon impacts you in more sneaky, sinister routes. WTF? You’ll likely have that shitty feeling that you’re forgetting something or something merely isn’t quite right. You might be slightly more forgetful this week, so just like, double-check that you turned off your straightening iron when you leave the house for run. That weird unrest caused by the full moon will disappear by the start of next week. Whew!

Capricorn

You’re kind of, like, the social queen of everything this week. Good for you, Capricorn betch. Your audience might be a little younger than you. Yes, you do have so much to teach and share with them about what induces for the best chaser and how to cure a hangover. Since the other signs are going all crazy with the full moon, they’ll likely wishes to vent and bitch to you about other people. Don’t get in trouble by playing the middle man or stirring the pot, you little pot-stirrer, you. Try to keep the peace until everyone’s mood gets better by Sunday.

Aquarius

The Sun is still pretty fucking high in your chart so people are keeping their eyes on you. Don’t worry–it’s in a good way. Still, you’ll feel pulled between daily demands of work/ school and the fun shit you want to do. You might have to turn down an awesome invite this week so you can like, IDK, keep your job or not fail out of college or something. That wholly sucks, but you should probs remember that you can’t keep everyone happy.

Pisces

The full moon is stimulating you clumsy AF. Maybe merely pack an extra shirt with you to work when you inevitably spill your coffee or crack an ink pen all over yourself. Also, you’re more likely to be distracted when it comes to transportation, so here’s your friendly reminder to put your goddamned telephone down when you’re driving. Like, do you want to be a PSA? I didn’t think so. Be careful when it is necessary to slips of the tongue, too. You’re more likely to mouth off in the week ahead and get in trouble for it. Good news: Things get a lot better for you after Friday and you’re in the clear by Sunday!

Read more: www.betches.com

Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes For September 22 -2 4

1 month, 15 days ago

For those of you who actually follow the calendar, this weekend marks the first weekend of fall. Fall means a lot of things. For some, it’s scramble-to-find-a-guy-to-string-along-through-the-holidays cuffing season. For others, it marks the beginning of a weight gain induced by sweet Starbucks faux coffee liquors. For still others, it entails drowning their sorrows in alcohol–but like, spiced cool weather alcohol. Find out what this autumn has in store for you in this week’s edition of our weekend horoscopes.

Aries

It’s been a whirlwind of a week for Aries and somehow, against all odds, you constructed it through. Not just that, but you kind of kicked its ass. Honestly , no one knows how you pulled it off or where you got your stash of Limitless pills, but you’ve more than earned a weekend off. Spend the next two days winding down in whatever way works best for you, the only requirement being that you’re 100% stress-free.

Taurus

You’ve taken on a lot of responsibility these past few weeks, Taurus, and the people around you, especially your superiors, are impressed by your “go getter” attitude. The thing is, what they can’t ensure but you are starting to know too well is that you’re losing steam. Get some remainder, tall infant! You can’t maintain burning the candle from both ends. All your impressive accomplishments will be nullified if you have a nervous breakdown at work, so perhaps try and take a step back this weekend and prioritize a few key tasks rather than trying to do it all. Do those well and then move onto the next. Wash, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.

Gemini

You can’t rush a good thing, Gemini. This weekend you may be tempted to light a fire under a relationship in the hopes that things will start moving at the pace you’re accustomed to. But consider this: maybe that pace hasn’t worked for you in the past because it fucking sucks. A slow burn, while agonizing and anxiety-inducing, may be exactly what you need right now. Just let nature take its course and see how it is currently working for you.

Cancer

Time to light a fire under your ass, Cancer. If we’re being truly honest here, which we always are, you’ve been coasting these past couple of weeks. We are experts at identifying that because we’ve been coasting our entire lives. But sometimes, adulthood calls for actual attempt put forth on your component, and this is one of those periods. Make this one of those productive weekends that actually leaves you feeling fulfilled rather than full of existential dreaded arrive Sunday night. No truly, it’s possible.

Leo

Time to spread your wings, Leo. You’ve been feeling cramped recently and the only route to fixing that is to get out of your convenience zone and ensure what else life has to offer. This doesn’t have to be as extreme of a transformation as it sounds; sometimes only one change to your general routine can be enough to right yourself. Mundanity is the source of your discomfort here, so try shaking things up a bit. If it doesn’t feel like you’re moving big enough, slowly work your style up until things start to feel right. The sky is the limit and you get to decide when to call it.

Virgo

Hate to break it to you Virgo, but if you’re unhappy with your circumstances, incessant bitching won’t actually solve them. Wild, right? As cathartic as it can be to vent to you friends, there comes a phase where your venting is actually just complaining, and everyone is over it. You are the only one who can change your situation. Stop waiting for life to swoop in and right itself and start working towards something that builds you happy. Sorry for the dose of reality, but it’s only because we care. Love you. Mean it.

Libra

Life’s hard out there for a Libra, huh? This week it seems like no matter what you did, you somehow got shit on for it. While infuriating, it’s important to remember that weeks like these are few and far between and sometimes you just have to accept that you’re going to be the whipping boy for a little bit. You’ve endured enough abuse the past five days to earn you a free ticket this weekend for whatever indulgent experience your heart desires. Mend that wounded ego and be ready to get back out into the ring next week.

Scorpio

You’re at a crossroads, Scorpio. You can either move along the way things are which, admittedly, aren’t terrible but also could be better. Or you can take a chance and stray down that route that’s been seducing you for a while now. This track, while arousing, builds no promises and could just as easily lead to a dead end. What’s a girl to do? Spend the next couple days trying to come to a decision. Remember: pros and cons list are your friend.

Sagittarius

You can’t win ’em all, Sagittarius. Sometimes it’s best to take the L, retreat gracefully, and then tend to your wounds in the safety and privacy of your home. This weekend it’s time to recognize that, although you put up a good fighting, it’s hour for you to bow out. It’s going to feel a lot bigger of a bargain than it really is, but I promise that no one will be as focused on this as you. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own shit to be worried about you, and the sooner we all accept this the sooner we can maybe secure an ounce of peace in our lives.

Capricorn

Looking for some direction in life, Capricorn? Same bitch, the fuck. I recognize that you came to read this horoscope maybe in the hopes that it would offer you some of that much-needed direction, but candidly, sometimes you gotta figure this shit out for yourself. Deep down, you know what it is that you want and now you’re just waiting for some kind of cosmic sign to confirm it. Well if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you. This is your great message from the universe telling you to go for it, but realistically you’re the one who’s going to have to sit down and work for it. We have faith in you, so all that’s actually left here is for you to get to it.

Aquarius

Honestly, Aquarius , no one knows how you’re still functioning, and yet you maintain shocking people day in and day out by waking up and running about life. It is truly awe-inducing. Putting up a front is what you’re best at, but it wouldn’t hurt to take a infringe from it sometimes and actually exhibit one of the 700 roaring feelings that’s brewing below that Stepford Wife surface. The peril here is that you snap and unleash all of them on some unassuming spectator, so be sure you’re in a safe space before experimenting with this.

Pisces

What’s good, Pisces? Not a lot, from what we can tell. Sure, the past couple of days haven’t been the best, but fall is coming and it’s all about new beginnings. Don’t let a few rough days sour your weekend. All you can do is wake up tomorrow and try your best to make it a good day. After a while, you won’t have to try so hard, and eventually you won’t have to try at all. Remember: unbridled optimism is merely built possible by things like healthy sleeping habits and limitless coffee, so be sure to get yourself both.

Read more: www.betches.com

5 Realities Of A Homeless Shelter At Christmas

1 month, 17 days ago

Most people dream of a white Christmas, with a thick, shimmering layer of fresh snow blanketing the world, wrapping everything you know in a cozy embracing. It’s a beautiful, quiet scene — a scene that’s best enjoyed from indoors, with a warm beaker of coffee( Irish or otherwise ), and a warm fire roaring in the fireplace. If you’re homeless, however, a white Christmas can fucking assassination you.

We spoke to Brock Lee, who coordinates a year-round U.K. charity that holds holiday events to help homeless people when they need it most. This is the time of year when people at the least claim to think about the less fortunate( largely to avoids late-night ghost visits ), so we thought it’d be nice to talk to somebody who attains helping the needy a full-time chore 😛 TAGEND

# 5. People Treat The Homeless As Props

These charities exist to help people with serious problems. They do not exist to round up sideshows and parade them around for gawkers, or to help regular folks gain perspective on their own lives. Amazingly , not everyone is aware of this.

Parents are the worst offenders, according to Lee. Raising a functional human is hard, and quite a few people would love to outsource the job. So if their snowflakes are rowdy and hard to handle, why not take them to a charity and stimulate them dish out food to smelly people for an hour?

“Can you guys please hurry up? Mom said I could get an Xbox after this.”

“You get those people who want to ‘scare straight’ their children by having them give homeless people meals for an hour at Christmas, ” tells Lee. “I gently explain to them that our shiftings are seven hours for completely valid reasons( mainly to prevent this sort of behaviour) and that we can’t have[ people] under 16 volunteering with us for insurance reasons( some of our guests aren’t allowed to be around young people, and my job is to help them , not some kid ). On occasion, parents take offense to this, so I( less gently) explain that we aren’t operating a fucking zoo.”

Just to be clear — after you drop off the children somewhere appropriate, please do run help at a place like this. It will be one of the most rewarding things you’ll do during the holidays, and it’s badly needed. But be prepared to devote a good chunk of the working day to it. They don’t want tourists, or people who just want a feel-good story to tell the next day at the office. And …

# 4. Don’t Expect Everyone To Be Grateful

Unsurprisingly, compassion fatigue is common among charity employees. “You get a moment where you can’t build an emotional attachment anymore.” Charity workers do long hours to prepare for Christmas — Lee worked an average of 60 hours per week during December. After all that endeavour, it’s still not enough.

“We actually don’t have the ability to house people over Christmas. We have to set people out at the end of the night, even if we know they have nowhere to go. So last year, we had someone who cycled like 50 miles to the center in the hopes of having somewhere to sleep. It was dark, cold, and late, and I had to explain to him that the best we could do was get someone to check on him in the night to make sure he was alive and perhaps get him a night the next day. It’s heartbreaking to see that look in someone’s eyes and know you let them down.”

“We’ll bring the bike in for you though, so it doesn’t get stolen. This is a hipster neighborhood.”

Also, even the most downtrodden among us will find ways to test the patience of those trying to help 😛 TAGEND

“There are also the people who will only look for reasons to be assholes. This one guy was angry that we wouldn’t give him bus fare home at the end of the working day. Now, this was Christmas day and bus weren’t operating, so we all knew full well he didn’t want the money for the bus. He kicked off and demanded to see my director. I explained that I was the head of the event and government decisions was mine to attain but if he wanted file complaints I would help him fill out the form. He rejected, told me to go fuck myself, and left. Then two weeks later, he was at another event in the center, told I was an awesome guy, and gave me a card that had some weird symbol on it, claiming that it would get me out of difficulty if I depicted it to folks. I think he thought it was an Illuminati get-out-of-jail-free card.”

So the all-seeing eye can attain his parking tickets disappear, but can’t assist that poor guy get three meals a day ?

There was another guest who Lee says worked hard for six years, improving his life and finding a job, a place to live, and whatnot. Lee felt proud and happy for this guy. Then one day, out of the blue, the man came to the center and threatened staff with violence. In a matter of moments, he threw away six years of hard work. That was a sad moment for Lee, who is still a bit new, but for everyone else is currently working on the center, it was no surprise at all. “Everyone had a ‘bound to happen’ attitude about it.”

Remember, these people are homeless for a reason. We don’t mean “because they’re jerks and deserve it”; we mean that mental illness and substance abuse issues operate rampant. If you reserve your charitable feelings only for those capable of demonstrating gratitude in some satisfying way, you’ll be forgetting the ones who need help the most. They demonstrate their gratitude by still being alive the next time Christmas comes around.

They’re cold and starved; they don’t have the energy to pat you on the back .

# 3. Donations Are Bizarrely Random

Giving away food and clothes to the needy is, shockingly , not a profitable venture. That means operations like Lee’s depend on the generosity of strangers, and that can be the very definition of a mixed bag. For instance, 4 tons of clothes show up each year of their own accord, but about three-fourths is too old, tatty, or moldy to actually give to anyone. On top of that, some people give away outright creepy things. PSA: Please don’t give away your child’s used underwear. Someone has to sift through all those mountains of clothes and randomly discover worn-out kid’s underwear — it’s creepy and uncomfortable.

And then there’s the random game of roulette that is food donations. “[ One year] a school had leftover chocolate. They had an event where they couldn’t give away the chocolate and want to get donate it to us. It was two days before Christmas. They brought a box of chocolate that wouldn’t fit through the doors . … It had 10,000 chocolate Christmas decorates, like little stars, 400 2-inch tall chocolate bears, and 75 6-inch rabbits. We dedicated away everything at bingo tournaments. For about two days, all I eat was chocolate.”

And yet schools are so “strapped for cash” educators are forced to buy their own supplyings. Go figure .

The things people give away often reveal parts of their lives. Sometimes, you’ll know a family is mourning because a few boxes of random goods arrive. The donors clearly grabbed whatever is accountable to Mom and Dad and stuck it in a box without going through it. Opening these boxes can be very poignant. The boxes can also contain random stuff they probably didn’t mean to give away — Lee has received jewelry and old passports.

What charities require most, though, is money, and getting that out of people is a bit harder. “We try to turn everything into a fundraising possibility . … We can’t sell shit, so we must ask people for money.[ We] did a Christmas carol service in the mall[ and] created 1,200 pounds from that. All homeless or ex-homeless were singing. The concert devotes them a good sense of confidence and self-worth, which is really important to moving on.”

The crowd didn’t even give them shit for missing the high C in “Silent Night.”

And stuff like that is literally a life and death issue for these people. That’s because …

Most people dream of a white Christmas, with a thick, shimmering layer of fresh snow blanketing the world, wrapping everything you know in a cozy embracing. It’s a beautiful, quiet scene — a scene that’s best enjoyed from indoors, with a warm beaker of coffee( Irish or otherwise ), and a warm flame roaring in the fireplace. If you’re homeless, however, a white Christmas can fucking assassination you.

We spoke to Brock Lee, who coordinates a year-round U.K. charity that holds holiday events to help homeless people when they need it most. This is the time of year when people at the least claim to think about the less fortunate( mostly to avoids late-night ghost visits ), so we thought it’d be nice to talk to somebody who attains helping the needy a full-time chore 😛 TAGEND

# 5. People Treat The Homeless As Props

These charities exist to help people with serious problems. They do not exist to round up sideshows and parade them around for gawkers, or to help regular folks gain view on their own lives. Astonishingly , not everyone is aware of this.

Parents are the worst offenders, according to Lee. Creating a functional human is hard, and quite a few people would love to outsource the job. So if their snowflakes are rowdy and hard to handle, why not take them to a charity and build them dish out food to smelly people for an hour?

“Can you guys please hurry up? Mom said I could get an Xbox after this.”

Just to be clear — after you drop off the children somewhere appropriate, please do go help at a place like this. It will be one of the most rewarding things you’ll do during the holidays, and it’s poorly needed. But be prepared to devote a good chunk of the working day to it. They don’t want tourists, or people who just want a feel-good story to tell the next day at the office. And …

# 4. Don’t Expect Everyone To Be Grateful

Unsurprisingly, compassion fatigue is common among charity employees. “You get a moment where you can’t build an emotional attachment anymore.” Charity workers do long hours to prepare for Christmas — Lee worked an average of 60 hours per week during December. After all that endeavor, it’s still not enough.

“We’ll bring the motorcycle in for you though, so it doesn’t get stolen. This is a hipster neighborhood.”

Also, even the most downtrodden among us will find ways to test the patience of those trying to help 😛 TAGEND So the all-seeing eye can induce his parking tickets vanish, but can’t assistance that poor guy get three meals a day ?

There was another guest who Lee tells worked hard for six years, improving his life and finding a job, a place to live, and whatnot. Lee felt proud and happy for this guy. Then one day, out of the blue, the man came to the center and threatened staff with violence. In a matter of moments, he hurled away six years of hard work. That was a sad moment for Lee, who is still a bit new, but for everyone else working at the center, it was no astound at all. “Everyone had a ‘bound to happen’ attitude about it.”

Remember, these individuals are homeless for a reason. We don’t mean “because they’re jerks and deserve it”; we mean that mental illness and substance abuse issues run rampant. If you reserve your charitable impressions only for those capable of demonstrating gratitude in some satisfying way, you’ll be forgetting the ones who need help the most. They demonstrate their gratitude by still being alive the next time Christmas comes around.

They’re cold and starved; they don’t have the energy to pat you on the back .

# 3. Donations Are Bizarrely Random

Giving away food and clothes to the needy is, shockingly , not a profitable venture. That means operations like Lee’s depend on the generosity of strangers, and that can be the very definition of a mixed bag. For instance, 4 tons of clothes show up per year of their own accord, but about three-fourths is too old, tatty, or moldy to actually give to anyone. On top of that, some people give away outright creepy things. PSA: Please don’t give away your child’s used underwear. Someone has to sift through all those mountains of clothes and randomly discover worn-out kid’s underwear — it’s creepy and uncomfortable.

And then there’s the random game of roulette that is food donations. “[ One year] local schools had leftover chocolate. They had an event where they couldn’t give away the chocolate and want to get donate it to us. It was two days before Christmas. They brought a box of chocolate that wouldn’t fit through the doors . … It had 10,000 chocolate Christmas decorations, like little starrings, 400 2-inch tall chocolate bears, and 75 6-inch rabbits. We devoted away everything at bingo tournaments. For about two days, all I ate was chocolate.”

And yet schools are so “strapped for cash” teachers are forced to buy their own furnishes. Go figure .

The things people give away often reveal parts of their lives. Sometimes, you’ll know a family is mourning because a few boxes of random goods arrive. The donors clearly grabbed whatever is accountable to Mom and Dad and stuck it in a box without going through it. Opening these boxes are very significantly poignant. The boxes can also contain random stuff they probably didn’t mean to give away — Lee has discovered jewelry and old passports.

What charities require most, though, is money, and get that out of people is a bit harder. “We try to turn everything into a fundraising opportunity . … We can’t sell shit, so we must ask people for money.[ We] did a Christmas carol service in the mall[ and] created 1,200 pounds from that. All homeless or ex-homeless were singing. The concert gives them a good sense of confidence and self-worth, which is really important to moving on.”

The crowd didn’t even give them shit for missing the high C in “Silent Night.”

And stuff like that is literally a life and death issue for these people. That’s because …

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Lazy Hollywood Shortcuts, Explained With Diagrams

1 month, 20 days ago
We’re attaining memes smarter. So can you. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get started.

You probably already know that movie and TV characters are formulaic. But what you may not realize is that everything about them is some sort of shorthand. And almost none of it constructs sense. Don’t believe us? Don’t worry, we drew you some diagrams.

5 Famous People Who Are Pure Madness On Social Media

1 month, 23 days ago

We don’t expect much from famous person on social media. Advertise your stuff, share a few humanizing photos, don’t be a turbo racist — you know, the basics. But that’s not always what we get. A few well-known figures are either using their social media accounts to explore the line between art and communication, or else they’re only total weirdos who also happen to be famous. You be the judge.

5

Governor Scott Walker Is A Robot Masquerading As The Most Boring Human In History

Scott Walker is both the governor of Wisconsin and some of the best proof we have of the existence of pod people. His entire Instagram account is an almost terrifyingly aggressive argument that he is most assuredly a real human being. The key to that argument? Ham and cheese sandwiches in brown bags.

Walker has realized that humans eat lunch, but he hasn’t yet gleaned that we like range. He claims that he’s eaten two ham and cheese sandwiches every day for the last 26 years, which entails he’s eaten 19, 000 to date. His Instagram documents these lunches in a parade of existential dread that celebrates mechanical monotony.

Scott Walker via Instagram “The food credits help the flesh ship funct- * ERROR* ERROR * “

Look at how frugal and relatable and totally-not-a-murderous-doppelganger he is! And what do humans from Wisconsin wash down a ham and cheese sandwich with? Milk, of course. Humen from Wisconsin enjoy dairy and devour it at all times. Unceasingly. Check out this series of glamour shootings we’ve titled “Unnaturally Still Life, With Milk.”

Scott Walker via Instagram

Scott Walker via Twitter “Some people use a straw in their milk carton, but I’m a bit of a rebel.”

But Scott has a wild side, too. Like many real human beings, he has a sweet tooth. Like all human being from Wisconsin, that sweet tooth can only be satisfied with dairy consumption. Sometimes he simply can’t defy indulging in a single scoop of plain vanilla ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery. Sprinkles were deemed “too controversial.”

Scott Walker via Instagram “You can ask them to microwave it to room temperature, but you can tell they don’t like it.”

So congratulations to Governor Walker on preserving such a vibrant and obligating social media presence. Regardless of your political beliefs, we can all look at his posts and think “Scott Walker is maybe a human being.”

4

85 -Year-Old William Shatner Is A CW Fan Shipper

You’d assume that William Shatner’s Twitter would be filled with Star Trek tweets and T.J. Hooker jokes. You know, reliving the glory years, as we’d expect from any aging celebrity. But Shatner consistently live-tweets YA shows that he has no stake in, like The Tomorrow People and The 100 , while also getting into serious debates about imagined relationships between their characters. Yes, William Shatner is fighting in the shipping wars with all the enthusiasm of a narutolover_6 9. And he live-tweets so thoroughly that nothing passes by without remark, even when it genuinely should.

William Shatner via Twitter We’re not in a position to judge anyone’s pastimes, but if he starts a recap blog, we’re calling social services.

What’s going on here? Does someone need to get Shatner out of the house more often? According to Shatner himself, in response to a crucial investigation by The Washington Post , his friend Misha Collins had directed an episode of the CW demonstrate Supernatural , and announced that he’d be live-tweeting it. And then Shatner, for the hell of it, said he would too. Other CW performers started asked to do the same for their demonstrates, and he concurred, provided they send in signed items for his charity auction. So actors attained gifts, and Shatner’s new career as a live-tweeter was born. Although that still doesn’t explain his posts about shipping.

William Shatner via Twitter Hookfire 4 lyfe. Don’t@ me.”

Is he genuinely invested in these hypothetical relationships, writing epic fan fiction and tattooing “Destiel” on his inner thigh? Or is this the work of a harried publicist who seriously misread their audience? We’ll let your fevered imagination decide, but we know which option we choose to believe.

3

Cam Newton Tweets Like He’s Always Being Attacked By Bees

A lot of people stereotype football players as dumb jocks, but many athletes use social media to demonstrate their eloquence and humor. Then there’s Carolina Panthers star quarterback Cam Newton, who use Twitter to demonstrate … uh … we’re not sure, actually.

Cam Newton via Twitter aNN ne sHme hoW 2 iX LOg prs$ deLay?

This isn’t a gag. For years, he’s been writing Tweets like a human who’s attaining his first endeavor at use a keyboard. And it’s not sloppiness either, because it takes more work to pull up all those weird characters than it does to mash blindly at an iPhone and hope for the best. Is this a new concussion symptom that the NFL needs to investigate and then suppress evidence of? Even his sponsored Tweets are written in tongues. That’s a level of reputation we can’t begin to imagine, being handed a giant sack of fund to advertise a product on social media, and churning out this 😛 TAGEND

Cam Newton via Twitter “Mr. Newton’s endorsement contract clearly states he may tweet in English or R’lyehian”

Sometimes a publicist Tweets for him. Can you spot certain differences?

Cam Newton via Twitter Needs more umlauts.

Great Clips knows who they’re dealing with, and won’t trash good ad fund on propaganda from R’lyeh. Can person on the Panthers teach Newton how to remove Wingdings as the default typeface on all his devices so he doesn’t come across like he’s tweeting mid-exorcism?

Cam Newton via Twitter “1 3375 p2ak is for quitters.”

2

Norm Macdonald Tediously Recounts Hours Of Sports Plays

Norm Macdonald employs Twitter to share fun anecdotes about his time at Saturday Night Live , stories about his current interactions with other comedians, or the occasional pithy remark. But if you’re thinking about following him for any of that, you’re first going to have to sift through endless hours of the most boring sports play-by-plays known to man.

Norm Macdonald via Twitter Try reading this and not hearing his voice.

Fans have begged him to stop, and almost none of his 950,000 followers like his no-nonsense athletics transcriptions, yet he maintains doing it. And doing it, and doing it, and doing it.

Norm Macdonald via Twitter Waiting for the punchline is a textbook instance of the sunken expense fallacy.

Why does Macdonald persist? No one knows. Fans have speculated that it’s a meta joke about the nature of broadcasting every minute of our life on social media. But those theories don’t explain why he’s kept the supposed gag up for years . Maybe he truly needs a friend to watch games with. Whatever his reasons, he’s depicted no signs of stopping, so go ahead and follow him if you need real-time athletics updates but have no access to a television, any athletics website, or an AM radio.

1

Lorde Secretly Reviewed Onion Rings On Instagram

The Instagram account @onionringsworldwide was an extensive collect of reviews is targeted at the discerning jet-setter who travels all across this great wide world of ours in the pursuit of every fast food joint’s least-popular side dish option.

Lorde via Instagram Who doesn’t love hot, juicy … onions?

The dogged reviewer’s identity remained concealed until one follower utilized their squandered forensic talents to correlate onion ring review dates with Lorde’s tour stops. They also noticed that of the account’s 24 followers, 3 were Lorde’s friends, and one was Lorde herself. This was … perhaps the more compelling evidence.

Lorde via Instagram Possibly .

Her secret passion outed, Lorde told Jimmy Fallon that it wasn’t some meta commentary on the cyclical nature of life or anything — just an inside joke between her and her friends, who genuinely liked onion rings. The greatest misfortune of this tale is that once she was discovered, the Lorde of the Rings aimed her reviews for good.

Maybe there’s a dark lesson here about how we’re so obsessed with the lives of celebrities that even a private gag between friends becomes newsworthy. A warning that we should all reexamine the role that fame plays in our lives before we destroy the very things we love.

Lorde via Instagram Or perhaps it’s that the Burger King at the gas station near Hatfield needs to change their damn fryer oil already.

Alex Perry is a freelance who wrote a novel about time-traveling stalker and a heartwarming kid’s book about a boy and his genetically modified animal/ organ donor. She is the mind behind this secret Twitter account. She prefers waffle fries to onion rings. Greg Tuff is trying his best to hunt down Instagram’s secret model factories. Find out the results on his Twitter . Friendly reminder that Season 13 of Supernatural is still ongoing and a 14 th season has yet to be confirmed, please consider calling your representatives in Congress or someone at The CW about renewal, whichever is easier for you . If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you .

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19 Artists That Experts Think Are Brilliant( Explained)

1 month, 25 days ago

It turns out that extraordinary someones aren’t reserved solely for television and movie screens. No, some people are so good at their craft that it constructs you wonder if they were actually mutants. Or simply aliens disguised as mutants.

For example …

19Entry by Busteq

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by Busteq

18Entry by Maclise

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by Maclise

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Reunion Part 3 Recap: Shay Finally Speaks…Sort Of

2 months ago

We start the reunion with Andy asking Stassi if she’s dating anyone, of fucking course. Is there like a clause in Stassi’s contract that she has to talk about her relationship status for a minimum of 1,500 days on camera or something?

Andy brings up Katie basically blaming Tom and Ariana for all her fights with Schwartz.

Katie: I just wanted harmony. I didn’t want to be a dictator or a bridezilla.

That’s funny, I also get blackout and insult people when I’m trying to have harmony and not be a bridezilla.

They also bring up Jax’s apology to Stassi because if we don’t mention Jax and Stassi’s past relationship at the least 46 times per season there will be a problem. Jax says he’s “a better person since he’s been dating Brittany”classic fuckboy move. Guess I’ll have to believe it when I see itso like, when their spinoff airs.

Sandoval is like to the girls “the entire summer you were coddling Katie and literally licking her asshole” and the group is like “c’mon dude.” Because I guess rim undertaking imagery is where we draw the line.

Andy is like “and the bachelor/ bachelorette party was where Kristen decided it would be the perfect place to tackled a wasted Schwartz about the cheating in Vegas rumors.” And Kristen’s like “Yeah well they were forced to talk about it, so clearly it was a great plan.”

Oh god we’re still on this Vegas Girl thing. Schwartz is like “well conveniently for me I don’t recollect but I can say with 100% confidence that we didn’t have sex.” So basically, we’ll never get to the bottom of this. Honestly, you all gotta take it to the tomb and find something new to fight about for season six. #OverIt

Andy brings up the $51 K wedding and hes like “Katie, dont you think you knew the wedding was going to cost a million dollars and you should have told Schwartz? ” Katies like Well he told me merely to hand him the bill at the end and not say anything.” Which goes against literally every time we insured Schwartz on camera being like “How much is this gonna cost? $31,000 and my left nut? Bubbaaaaa! “

Lisa : Theres nothing about the wedding that was conventional.

…She says about your median hipster rustic timbers wedding.

Honestly Im simply not recapping any of the bridal talk. I will not participate in this circle-jerk to give Katies marriage more advertising than it already has gotten. We all considered it like, three weeks agothere is literally no need to rehash the same shit.

Andy noticed Sandoval weeping into the dog though. Im glad we all “ve noticed that”. LMAO.

Andy: Sandoval you basically proposed to Ariana at the wedding.
Ariana: So tacky.

Ouch. Someone get Sandoval some aloe vera.

Andy : You know what I like about you? You have so many feelings. Sandoval :

Ariana is me, freaking tf out when anyone expresses love or emotion towards her.

Andy: Kristen did you have good aims about coming to James performance?

Kristen: Oh heelllll no.

Seriously, why does anybody put up with Kristen? At least when I do shit only to stir the pot I act like I had other aims. I’m not persuaded Carter is a real person.

James: You dont come up to the one and only James Kennedy at my performance.

“The one and only James Kennedy”.

James: Kristen when we were together all you would do is praise my performances!

Yeah because thats what girlfriends do they praise your shitty performances and act like your Soundcloud page is the greatest thing to happen to music.

The moment we’ve all been waiting three weeks for … Scheana and Shay’s reunion is about to happen. God, I am such a terrible person.

Scheana doesnt even have Shays phone number. A level of savage to which I aspire.

Andy announced that Shay is coming and appear Im living for the drama but also this is so fucked and I feel guilty. Like, it’s genuinely twisted to exploit this couple’s divorce for ratings. Will I give them those desired ratings? Hell yes.

Scheana : Im too sober for this.

Same, girl.

Scheana finds Shay walk in and the first thing out of her mouth is he got a haircut, eventually. Real nice.

Andy: Were back at the reunion and Mike Shay has joined us.

Audience :* crickets* Andy : Scheana, all season long “youve said” Shays at the studio our tests have determined that to be a lie.

Shay explains his multi-day absence like “Scheana ran from texting me asking if I was ok to accusing me of going on a binge” aka “I couldn’t come home because Scheana was onto me.”

Scheana: So there wasnt a friend you were texting to and buying pills from?

Shay: * long pause* Youre crazy.

FUCK SHAY 2K17. Gaslighting in action, so fun!

Shay claims he was withdrawing fund for his business.

Everyone with half a brain :

Shay tells Scheana never listens to him and Andys like Ya thats true hes said it on the demonstrate a bunch of times.

Andy: BTW what is your business?
Shay : Dat Dope Group its a music group were official we have a studio and everything.

Dat. Dope. Group. Im gonna let that sink in while I contemplate my will to live. He claims they are opening for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony but they only have 169 adherents on Twitter … seems suspect. I know Bone Thugs have been around for a minute but I don’t think they’re at the point where they let anybody with a reality demonstrate gig and a Soundcloud roll through. Or am I incorrect?

Arianas like Shay, why dont you ever speak, tell us what was wrong.

Shay: * five minutes of stillnes*

Me :

Shay: We definitely grew apart, I couldnt do the lifestyle anymore. I discontinue drinking for a year but you still expected me got to go. And you just opt going out over me.

Well that’s real, and I’m gonna be honest, accurate.

Andy: Scheana when did the relationship start to go south?

Scheana : 3 months into the marriage.

Well.

Ok so Shay was texting another daughter and apparently she lived across the country and she was texting him shit like about him being on top of her. In other words: cheating.

Shay is like “Maybe the texts were inappropriate” … no dude. We traversed the line from “inappropriate” into “Emotional Cheatingville” the second the words “you on top of me” happened.

Scheana while all this is going on :* doing her hair and makeup obsessively*

Andy and Lisa: Girl WTF are you doing, stop doing your hair rn.

Scheana: I cant!

Also me.

Scheana is still bringing up the Brandi thing to try and get sympathy, which I am not having. You preferred that life. You don’t get to bring it up like what, three years later to try and get pity phases? Scheana also went and told Lisa about the pills on camera merely to fuck Shay over. Thats fucked. (* whisperings* tells the girl who regularly calls out guys who wrong her on dating apps via articles written on this site …)

Shay : You labeled me and now Im a druggie.

Scheana: Yeah and Im a homewrecking whore.

Yeah but honestly Scheana…too fucking bad. You opted that life. As far as I can tell there isn’t a gene that makes you more susceptible to fucking other people’s husbands.

Andy: Shay when “youre reading” online Scheana has a new bf what does that do to your heart?

Shay : Its unfortunate, you having a new bf is very quick. IDK who he is. Scheana : You follow him on Instagram. Shay : Who?

Scheana: Rob.

Shay: Thats the guy youre dating?

Scheana: Yep.

Shay : Hm. Interesting.* constructs mental note to add name to his To Kill list* Me watching this exchange go down :

Shay : Ill always love you, if you ever required something Id be there, but at this phase Im over our relations and coming here was a lot harder than I thought it would be but Im glad I did. Andy : Scheana, does it give you any close or peace to hear him say that? Scheana : Yeah From what I hear from other people you seem to be very happy and Im in a very happy place so Im happy for you.

Inner Scheana, likely: I hope you fucking choke.

Schwartz: Its an incredible tragedy but I feel like you guys are gonna be style happier separately than you were together.

Like, I would not call their doomed matrimony ending in divorce an “incredible tragedy” but sure, if you wanna be melodramatic.

Ending on a less horrible note, Andy brings up the Tom Tom thing which I honestly forgot even happened. Sandoval starts crying, of fucking course.

So nothing happened even though Schwartz doesnt want to do it because hes being a pussy. Will this restaurant ever see the light of day? Will they get their own spin-off? Holy fuck. I believe I’m onto something.

And Peter gets to build his final appearance of the season by serving everyone cocktails. Well that was fun, see you all next season. Hoping there is a next season. Ugh and I guess over the summer for Jax and Brittany’s spin-off? I can pretend like I’m too good for that depict but we all know I’ll be back.

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12 WTF Superhero Scenes That Will Melt Your Brain Into Mush

2 months, 3 days ago

Since even the most obscure superhero out there has appeared in roughly ten million comics, preserving consistency can be a challenge. Generations of writers and illustrators have to agree on what makes each superhero so unique; whether it’s their powers, moral code, or the amazing deepness of their chin dimples.

Unfortunately, all it takes is a few hilarously misguided panels to undo all those decades of careful cultivation — so let’s look at them, shall we? Here’s a very close thing comic books get to a flub reel 😛 TAGEND

12

Lois Lane Gains Weight, So Superman Treats Her Like Shit

In the questions Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane , the titular Lois get hit with a light that doubles her size. Metropolis’ finest investigative reporter is afraid that Superman will no longer love her now that she’s gained weight.

But her dreads are unfounded and Superman continues treating her like a human being worthy of love and respect … is a statement we’d form if this was a comic book not written in the Mad Men epoch 😛 TAGEND

DC Comics

DC Comics
“Did you hear when I said you’re quite a loading? Just wanted to make sure that you got the component about you being quite a loading. You’re quite a load! ”

This was published back when Superman could push planets from their orbit without transgressing a sweat, by the way. It attains no change to him if you’re ten or 1000 pounds — he’s merely being an asshole. It later turns out that there was no need for Lois to hide from Superman anyway, because he knew about her weight issue all along. He simply chose to ignore her to save her the obvious shame that should always come with being overweight, it seems. A real class act, that fucking Superman.

DC Comics
Yes, Superman is the kind of douche who thinks his regular clothes are good enough for weddings .

But how did he know? Because he orchestrated the whole thing, embiggening Lois in order to disguise her from a dangerous criminal.

11

Behold, Swamp Thing Vs. The Killer Dongs

The colorist might be the most powerful person working in any given comic. Don’t believe us? Ask comic book writer Scott Snyder, who, in a lengthy Twitter thread, uncovered how a subtle change in color caused his comic to be reduced to mush by DC. One day, Snyder received a call from his editor saying there was a big problem with his latest issue of Swamp Thing . And by big, he meant blest .

During his travellings, Swamp Thing is attacked by one of his nemeses, who buds fleshy tentacles to assault our hero. Unfortunately, the editor chose the tentacles “re coming out” “a little dickish.” Still not find the questions? Well …

Yeah. Naturally, the comic couldn’t be released with such a massive oversight dangling in everyone’s faces, so the entire printing was destroyed, and the art was redone to look a little bit less glandular. Of course, DC could have just changed the encompas and republished the issue for the hentai market, where such a scenario would’ve raised zero eyebrows.

10

And Now, Spider-Man’s Erection

Is there a more thankless and dangerous chore than secretly being a superhero? Yes. Being a superhero’s wife. In the special 25 th anniversary issue of The Amazing Spider-Man , the newly hitched Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson-Parker are facing a horrifying emergency: Peter is in a bad mood because Mary Jane is inducing more money than him.

So MJ, who was just in a catatonic shock after being assaulted by Venom , now feels the need to perform a striptease in an unfurnished condo to make a powerful and beloved superhero feel like a man again.

This is still not enough to bring Peter out of his funk, so MJ unleashes her own dynamic duo 😛 TAGEND

The last caption reads: “Slowly, Peter’s spirits begin to rise.” Aaaaand now you’re thinking about Spider-Man’s dick. Good undertaking, Marvel.

9

Hey, It’s Psylocke’s Rocket-Powered Vagina

When it comes to making heroes look badass, everything else gets to take a back seat — including the laws of physics. One of the most egregious examples of this occurred in the X-Men comic Generation Hope , where Psylocke leaps into battle by, uh, doing this 😛 TAGEND

It gets even sillier when you consider the duration of the unnaturally bendy pose. Apparently, Psylocke managed to stay in the air long enough to deliver not one, but two wordy lines to intimidate her enemy. Unless her massive wedgie has anti-gravity abilities, most of her monologue should’ve been garbled out through the wheezes of a very broken nose.

8

Spider-Man Makes Out With An Underage Girl For Like 5 Minute

During one Amazing Spider-Man storyline, Peter Parker learns that his wife has probably died in a plane crash, because the only discrepancies between comics and Days Of Our Lives are the masks. When the new Spider-Woman, Martha “Mattie” Franklin, learns of the news, she rushes to Peter’s side. No , not to console the broken human — to insist he turn her into a woman.

A sad and despondent Parker scarcely has it in him to react, resulting in him playing tongue-of-war for( based on the dialogue) about an entire commercial infringe. Spidey manages to break it off, of course, merely to then be frightened by the weirdly gremlin-like face of innocence staring back at him 😛 TAGEND

This Spider-Woman was later killed off, presumably just so the editors could pretend this never happened..

7

The Artist Who Draws All The Superheroines’ O-Faces

Greg Land is, generously speaking, an artist, having worked on Uncanny X-Men , Fantastic Four and several other comics in the Marvel Universe. He’s a fairly controversial figure inside the comic book world, with many calling his art terrible and even harmful, but Land cannot be accused of lacking a specific style. A very … exciting style.

When it comes to female characters,. Land relies on a select collecting of poses and expressions — all of which point towards his heroines having learned their moves from the same pole-dancing class.

The faces are where Land’s particular sensibilities genuinely shine. Land’s ladies always look like they’re having a whale of a period , no matter if they’re fighting …

Fleeing …

Or even, uh, dying?

6

Dr. Doom Is Shockingly Ineloquent

Boasting the combined might of a tyrant and a doctor, Dr. Doom has always been one of the more verbose supervillains. The man merely has a way with terms. Unfortunately, in Mighty Avengers #11, Ms. Marvel catches him on an off day 😛 TAGEND

Sheesh, what happened to “impudent fool, ” “blasted do-gooder, ” and the like? Since when does Dr. Doom talk like he’s living under a YouTube video? And last but not least, has Doom not “ve noticed that” Ms. Marvel is drawn like a goddamn supermodel?

5

Lois Lane Get A Little Too Clingy

Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Lois Lane is smart, tough, and tenacious, going to great lengths to get what she wants. Especially when she wants a man. And boy, does she want a man.

Early in her career, Lois’ can-do posture was mostly aimed at her was intended to do Superman himself. In one issue, she goes as far as latching onto the Man of Steel like she’s an overly dependent fridge magnet. Supes’ somewhat panicked reply? To somersault and dislodge Lois on the concrete below, like some love-stricken tick.

And hilariously enough, when Superman comes back as Clark Kent, he gets about as warm a reception from Lois as the bugs in between her teeth from her sky rodeo.

4

Daredevil Cheers Up Black Widow By Slapping Her Ass

We’ve previously talked about the suspicious fact that most of Daredevil’s girlfriends wind up dead — turns out they’re the lucky ones. In Daredevil #120, Double D and the Black Widow are in the “on” part of their on-again-off-again relationship. But Widow is going through a personal crisis. As a female superhero, she dreads losing her identity as a strong independent female because society will merely find her as someone else’s girlfriend. Heavy stuff.

So how Daredevil decide to help her reaffirm her individualism? Well, um …

So we guess Daredevil, uh, wants Black Widow to dress as a sexually active teen or something? That’s shady as hell, but not as shady as when he does nothing when his best bud Foggy Nelson attempts to make out with her.

3

Captain America Trash Talks Himself

A big part of Captain America’s job description consists of delivering awesome one-liners while punching Nazis and the like. Take this classic gem from Narratives Of Suspense #92 😛 TAGEND

Uh, wait a minute. “Only one of us is gonna walk out of here under his own steam — and it won’t be me! ” Yes, falling victim to one of grammar’s greatest super villains, Dr. Double Negative, Cap accidentally declared that he won’t not be the one needing a wheelchair after the beatdown that’s about the pas. Then again, that weird backward flip uppercut does look like it would do some serious lumbar damage.

2

Look At This Fucking Ship. Appear At It .

Superstar artist Rob Liefeld is famous for not knowing what the hell to do with feet. Well, turns out that’s not the only method of transportation he has trouble with 😛 TAGEND

That’s not a spaceship, it’s a bunch of triangles and trapezoids get hammered and having unprotected sex. Jesus wept, everybody.

1

The Marvel Swimsuit Edition Strikes Back

We’ve “was talkin about a” Marvel’s tongue-in-cheek swimsuit editions of the ‘9 0s, which proved all the heroic boys and girls lounging around in their skimpiest swimwear. Nobody has that little an imagination that they need to see Ms. Marvel in a somewhat smaller bathing suit, though, so let’s focus on the hunks in trunks this time 😛 TAGEND

First up is Captain America. Turn-offs: injustice, rudeness, Nazis. Turn-ons: jazz, patriotism, girls appearing up at his crotch fearing they’re about to get a concussion from his precariously packaged bald eagle. And dinosaurs, apparently? Hey , no judging.

And here’s Thor, looks a lot like he’s about to open the 1988 Summer Olympics.

Let’s heat things up again with Colossus, appearing smoking hot in his totally unnecessary jorts.

And eventually, because all these dumb comics have atrophied our synapses, here’s the Multiple Man, as he intimates his talent as a one-man gangbang.

When he’s not doing monologues mid-air, Cedric Voets can be found gibbering like an moronic on Twitter . If you want to see more perverted Spider-Man scenes — then you have a serious problem. Go learn to draw them yourself you debase . Also check out The 6 Most Sadistic Superhero Revenge Schemes Of All Time and The DC Rape Coverup And 5 Other Horrendous Superhero Plots . Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why Being A Superhero Is Nothing Like You Suppose, and watch other videos you won’t insure on the site !

Also follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we’ll follow you everywhere .

Read more: www.cracked.com

Proof That Celebrities Should Never Give Life Tips

2 months, 11 days ago

Celebrities can be great for a lot of things. They entertain us, they sometimes use their oodles of fund for the good of others, and the occasional scandal is always amazing for society.

They’re also great at utilizing their influence is spread some strange and often dumb beliefs. Behold!

15Entry by Eraser

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by Eraser

14Entry by The_Evil_Monkey

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by The_Evil_Monkey

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