There are certain things that come along with working in an office. There are often cubicles, generic birthday cards everyone is obligated to sign their name to, and a manic exhilaration when there’s a flame drill and you can go outside for five minutes.
In other words, if “youre working in” an office, you’ll relate to these pictures.
You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
You must have a twisted mind.
Well, that’s a negative attitude.
Debbie, you have a problem.
At least they warned you…
ONE person always ruins it for everyone else.
They’re feeling the heat.
That’s it. No more label manufacturer for you.
I believe the asking price is a bit steep.
Hey, that’s what the sign says.
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And to sum it all up in one shot…
What do Joaquin Phoenix and Rose McGowan have in common?
It’s not just that they are both actors, they were both born into and escaped from the same horrifying sexuality cult, The Children of God, a religious group that jumps from the hippie free love movement and turned into something much more sinister.
The Children of God cult fosters sexuality with children, forces-out females to convert others through soliciting sexuality, is responsible for a highly-publicized murder-suicide, and the most terrifying portion?
It still operates today all over the world.
The Children of God was founded in Huntington Beach, CA by David Berg in 1968 for the purposes of the name Teens for Christ.
Berg owned a coffee shop where he would preach his own religious beliefs to the patrons.( Sounds even worse than a coffee shop with no wifi ).
But when his yell-at-the-coffee-drinkers-about-Jesus approach wasn’t catching on, Berg chose he required a different approach.
He started dressing like a hippie and then hollering at clients about Jesus.
Apparently, that worked better, because people, principally other hippies, started joining his group.
Once Berg gained a following, he declared that a giant earthquake was going to hit California and the entire country was going to crumble into the sea, so he took the present on the road.
Berg and his followers left California in 1969 to wander through the southwestern United States, preaching their new religion where they ran.
Now not a teen-focused group, they changed their name The Children of God.
That’s when things started to get weird.
Since the group rose from the hippie movement, one of the main tenets of The Children of God’s doctrine was free love. But not only having sexuality with anyone you wanted.
Berg believed that God loved sex because it was beautiful and Satan disliked sex because it was beautiful, so if you were having a ton of sexuality with a ton of people, you were pleasing God.
Berg decided that God wanted men to be polygamists and get himself a second wife.
Sex was a huge focus of the cult.
They believed that masturbation was a gift from God, and you should do it all the time, wherever and whenever the cult members wanted.
In order to stay close to God while they were doing this, members were encouraged to think about having sexuality with Jesus when they masturbated.
Berg even told his adherents specific lines to say to Jesus to turn him on.
Things like,” You excite me, Jesus, and I want to feel Your love. I want to excite You, too !” and other, much more graphic Jesus turn-on suggestions, which we will spare you from reading here.
But it wasn’t just gross sexuality with Jesus stuff, things in the cult got much weirder and more dangerous.
Berg called himself “Moses David” and wrote thousands of letters and explicit comics for different groups.
The pornographic comics promoted the groups ideals and notions, such as, but not limited to, that the angel Gabriel had sex with Mary when he told her she was going to give birth to Jesus, and that Jesus had sexuality with his own mother.
The group was believed to be focused on incest in general.
One major faith of different groups was that since sexuality was a gift from God, there was nothing wrong with practicing it with your family members.
Berg was said to have been involved in a sexual relationship with at the least one of his daughters, Faith, and once said his biggest sadnes in life was never having sexuality with his own mother.
Members were encouraged to let their kids explore sexuality as freely as they wanted.
Berg believed that children were naturally curious about sex, and they should be allowed to explore sex freely, which meants children were permitted to have sex with adults.
The comics and pamphlets the group rendered were incredibly disturbing.
Some showed photos of naked children with lewd and suggestive captions, like a photo of a grown women naked in bed with a two year old and the caption,” They told us to go to bed .”
The group encouraged infants over the age of twelve to have sex and render children.
Their pamphlets even celebrated child marriage.
Berg wrote of this, “God generated boys and girls able to have infants by about 12 years of age .”
But let’s take a breather from the horrifying sex stuff for a minute, to discuss Berg’s other interests: predicting catastrophic events that never arrived true, read on to find out what Berg convinced his followers would happen, even though the whole California falling off the map thing never panned out.
Aside from the horrifying sexual abuse, Berg also continued to predict catastrophic events.
In 1974, he predicted that a huge comet would hit the Globe, destroying much of it.
As a result, many of his adherents left the US and set up colonies in other parts of the world to avoid being in the path of the comet.
He also predicted that Jesus would return to earth in 1993.
But as we know, Jesus didn’t show up in 1993, unless he took the form of thousands of Beanie Babies or we missed his as a background dinosaur in Jurassic Park.
Berg convinced his followers that he wasn’t technically wrong about Jesus coming back, it’s just that they weren’t ready yet, so he took a rain check.
The group lived( and still lives) in communes, where everyone basically had sex with each other.
They denounced society and the governmental forces as evil, and did their best to live self-sufficiently in their own group away from the rest of society.
But the group was always actively recruiting new members, and the way they did it was by sex solicitation.
Berg called the practice” flirty fishing ,” a name he based off of a quote from the Bible that called Jesus a fisher of men.
Women in different groups were sent out into the world to “fish” new members by enticing them with sexuality.
Once they had gotten someone to have sex with them, they would share information about the group and try to convince them to join.
By 1977, the cult had over 130 communes all over the world.
The communes were made up of families and according to a former member who grew up in the cult and did an AMA on Reddit, they were sometimes so interbred, you didn’t know who was related to who.
But it wasn’t just about the sexuality, read on the next page about their other strange beliefs.
The cult had a variety of notions outside of their sexual ones.
They believed that heaven was either located inside the moon in a giant pyramid or on a giant glass ball spaceship that was hurtling towards ground, they couldn’t decide.
The group also has an extensive list of good and bad spirits that they believe in.
Some bad spirits included Hong Kong Goolagong, a spirit who assaults missionaries, Oplexicon, a demon who opposed Truth, and Irrazzmon, a demon that causes nerve pain.
Some of their good spirit included Love Fairies, fairies that help people have better sexuality, and Watchdog, the protector of children.
Actress Rose McGowen grew up in the Children of God cult.
Her family were members of a commune in Italy.
When she was about eight years old, her father realise his children were in danger of sexual abuse and their family left the cult.
Joaquin Phoenix and his late brother River Phoenix also grew up in the Children of God cult.
The Phoenixes travelled around South America with the cult.
According to Joaquin, they weren’t entirely aware it was a cult, his parents simply thought they’d found a group of like-minded people who shared their ideals.
Once they understood what they’d gotten themselves into, they, too, left the group.
The Children of God changed their named to The Family International in the ‘9 0s.
After Berg’s death in 1994, different groups tried to distance themselves from his ideals.
They do not officially condone child sex, and claim that while they do practice free love , no children in their group are sexually or physically abused.
And then, there was the murder-suicide…
Ricky Rodriguez was Berg’s adopted son, and he was supposed to be the next cult leader.
Berg created him from infancy in the cult, but Rodriguez was actually the child of one of Berg’s wives, Karen Zerby, and a man with whom Karen” flirty fished .”
Berg wanted to pass on leadership of the Children of God to Rodriguez after his death.
But instead, Rodriguez got out of the Children of God.
Rodriguez marriage another Children of God member and they left the cult together.
But a few years later, they divorced.
As a child, Rodriguez had been forced to do sex experimentation with adults, including fondling his nanny’s breasts.
Distressed after his wedding is broken, Rodriguez made a video of himself sitting behind a table of weapons and renders: knives, tasers, duct tape, gags.
In the video he said he wanted to kill his mother as retaliation for what happened to him as a child.
But instead of killing his mother, Rodriguez invited his childhood nanny to his apartment and stabbed her to death.
Soon after, he shot himself in the head.
These days, the Family International plays down the sex part of their group.
The Family International Website
They claim to do charity run in all regions of the world. They have a website with a. org domain. They have a podcast.
They have a photo of members jumping in the air holding various guitars in front of a mountain, the kind of thing you’d see on your friends’ Facebook pages.
The information they give about themselves online is vague: they spread God’s love, they care for children, their mission statement mentions kindness and compassion for others. No mention of sex cults or Love Fairies.
But former members will tell you, the peaceful organization pictured online is not the group they grew up with. Read on to hear what real former members have said about the cult.
According to Redditor rubbitdownmejr, she was ex-communicated from the group at only 13 for transgressing the strict rules.
She wrote 😛 TAGEND
so the Family has like a phase system. One fuckup= silence restriction two fuckups= partial excommunication three fuckups= full excommunication
i broke three rules, I snuck out of the house( 1 ), talked to non-members( some sketchy children in a park) and I” got high”( eat about 7 fistfuls of kirkland aspirin ), and merely to be a badass I watched a movie that wasnt approved for viewing yet( haven’t been able to watch Moulin Rouge since ). my mom was out of town and my commune at the time wasn’t in the states…by the time she got back down to our Home, I had caused such a stink I was excommunicated by a election that didn’t include her, and sent off been like living with my partially-excommunicated Dad .
Another Redditor raised in the cult said there were sexuality schedules people had to adhere to 😛 TAGEND
backslider wrote 😛 TAGEND
You’d have things like sex schedules posted on the board, people filming women and young girls dancing nude to send to leader David Berg( who was very specific about what he wanted to see ), in some places the women walked around in panties, children’s comic books and other reading material openly “was talkin about a” and portrayed sex, females engaged in Flirty Fishing until the late 80 s( and since birth control was taboo, there were lots and lots of Jesus Babies ), herpes was common
A now-deleted Redditor wrote of how the cult fostered children to learn about sexuality at a young age.
He wrote 😛 TAGEND We were exposed to and knew about sex from a very early age. I remember I was about 7 years old when I picked up a cult publication detailing how to have sex with women. It was called revolutionary lovemaking. It had detailed pictures that explained where to put what . Adults in the cult were encouraged to “share” or go on “dates”( usually merely a sex encounter) with the other adults in each “home” or commune regardless of whether they were married or not . My father marriage two other women besides my mother before I was 8 years old and had children with them. I remember walking in on people fucking and being curious. I tried sex for the first time when I was 11 out of sheer curiousity from sneaking looks at the adult literature in our home library .
The Family International still exists today, although their membership has fallen considerably.
The group now only has a few thousand members, spread all over the world. But they are continuing work to distribute literature and spread the word about their group to convert people.
Do you know someone preoccupied with cults?
Calling it now: cult stuff is the new true crime stuff of 2018. If you know someone who is fascinated with cults, share this article with them.
Birthdays. Some people love ’em. Some people detest ’em.
Either way, birthday’srear their tricky heads once every year, apparently filled with newfound promise. In no time at all, though, they more often than not end in brutal disaster.
For these folks, it’s their birthdays and you can gamble they’re gonna cry…
…and not because they want to.
When Your Birthday’s Totes Lit
I’d smoke to that.
This Is What Dreams Are Made Of
Ifby dreams you entail NIGHTMARES!
I can feel the scars tearing their style through her subconscious right now.
That girl on the left, though.
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
And just like that, asibling rivalry was forged.
Location! Locating! Location!
That sounds super sh* tty.
All puns intended.
1) Straight to the point.
I hate to break it to you, but we’re all going to kick the bucket one day. These people were aware of that fact and decided to get the last giggle and have it carved in stone( or marble, but let’s not get picky ). Life is too short for that.
2) That sets things in perspective.
3) Truer terms have never been spoken.
Via: Find a Grave
4) What is, “Genius final words? “
Via: Find a Grave
5) Who are you? The Queen of Egypt?
Via: Amusing Time
7) Perhaps try back later.
Via: Find a Grave
8) Paul wasn’t precisely a ray of sunshine.
9) There was always probable cause.
1 0) Dedicate them some credit.
Via: Democratic Underground
1 1) Is that a tournament that you want to win?
1 2) That’s all folks!
Via: eBaums World
1 3) Let his political tilteds be known.
1 4) Of course you did.
Via: Content 2
1 5) Ensure? This is what can happen. Thanks a lot.
1 6) Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
1 7) Ride ’em, cowboy!
Via: eBaums World
1 8) Oh, the irony.
Via: Find a Grave
1 9) I feel like this one needs more explanation.
2 0) Good advice.
2 1) He still can’t get no respect.
2 2) Seem out below!
2 3) And hot. It’s also really hot.
2 4) We all have our flaws.
Via: Amusing Time
2 5) And don’t call him Shirley.
May they rest in peace.
We have all sat next to a baby on a plane before. And you know that when you see that baby, you start praying that they don’t decide that being up in the air for hours is the best time toscream and cry.
But sometimes, it happens. It’s inevitable. Some mothers have tried to preempt objections or glares from strangers by devoting out bags of candy and ear plugs. You’ve considered the pictures of these baggies, often with little notes attached, all over the Internet.
But what may seem like a harmless tendency has one mommy up in arms.
Cassie Murdoch firmly believes that parents do not owe strangers bags of candy for having to sit next to your babies.
In a viciously honest post on Mashable, Murdoch shared her beliefs.
” Taking candy from a baby is easy ,” she started,” but there’s zero reason that parents should be handing it out to strangers on a plane to buy cooperation in case their kid screamings. No matter what the internet tells .”
She references this photo, which was recently posted on Reddit.
The comment on the post reads,” Lady on the airplane merely handed this to all of the rows around us. She now has an entire team of passengers ready to help .”
It’s true that these little gestures have become a viral tendency. You’ve seen similar images all over the place.
But while most people may find these little candy handouts endearing, Murdoch has a different reaction.
” On the surface it’s a nice gesture ,” she wrote,” but as the mother of twin toddlers, every time I ensure one of these baggies go viral I am filled with rage .”
It’s easy for people to claim they know exactly how they’d behave in a hypothetical situation.
From armchair quarterbacks who are sure they could operate a football squad better than the coach-and-four, to backseat drivers who definitely would’ve seen that grocery cart lurking in the parking lot and veered before they reached it, we’ve all is dealing with( or, let’s be honest, been ) this kind of well-meaning know-it-all.
Parents might be more familiar with this than anyone. As hilarious vlogger and mama of three, Tova Leigh, points out in a recent video on her page, people without children often aren’t shy about sharing how they would create children, if they had them…and as the comments represent, parents aren’t too shy about sharing how these lofty plans get shattered once those children aren’t hypothetical anymore.
Leigh starts off by explaining that she( like almost every mom and dad) has heard plenty of “very strong statements” from non-parents about the “best” way to raise children.
Hey, I’m no different! Before I had kids, I planned to follow all the expert advice about screen time limits. I was going to lovingly prepare all my kids’ baby food at home to avoid dreaded additives and preservatives, and I surely wasn’t going to let them( GASP !) sobbing , no matter how tired or frustrated or generally insane I became!
Once you’ve had a kid or two or( in my instance, five )… well, let’s just say your perspective changes. A plenty. Here are some of the more common claims Leigh has heard from childless friends and strangers.
“My children are not going to be sitting in front of the Tv, or playing with my phone.”
Yeah, let me know how long that lasts. Likely right up until the first time your toddler is hollering in the pediatrician’s waiting room and you realize that a quick visit to Ponyville on the latest My Little Pony app will buy you ten minutes of blessed peace.
Or the first time you haven’t rained in six days and you know Sesame Street will give just enough time to finally rinse your hair…
“I am never going to give my kids any junk food, or sweets, or candy, or anything remotely unhealthy.”
Making healthy options about food is an important goal, for ourselves as much as our children. But when you’re driving by McDonald’s after a long, exhausting day at work, and the believed to be cooking dinner induces you want to crawl into a hole, and then a tiny voice tubes up from the backseat praying for a happy meal…all your good intents fly right out the drive-thru window.
Besides, I detest to tell you this, but your child is going to eat half a pinata of candy the first time one of their friends has a birthday party anyway. There’s no phase trying to fight it.
“My kids are never going to throw tantrums in public.”
If you think parents have any control over that whatsoever, then it’s possible you’ve never actually met a human child before.
Leigh’s video has been viewed more than 750,000 hours in just a few short days, and over 1,100 people parents and non-parents alike have weighed in with their supposes. Many of them shared what silly things they had schemed before their own kids came along.
Because really, you have no idea what to expect until you’re already in the middle of it.
Others from around the world joined the conversation with instances Leigh didn’t mention in her video.
Calling the shots. Constructing your own schedule.Forcing the entire world to eye-roll at your terrible Dad puns.
These are just some of the many reasons why people start their own businesses every day.
We’ve collected the Internet’s best offerings of business names both petroleum and cruddy; hilarious and heartbreaking; funny and well…just a shop that’s called “Fart.”( Yep. Imagine pitching that for a bank loan .)
Buckle up, because these are shops you’ll never find on Shark Tank , and never be able to un-see.
This shop title doublings as a furniture businessANDa fate for every dude who’s indicated an” Old Biff/ Young Biff” couples costume to their girlfriends and wives.
Yet another example of political pup-aganda.
WHAT. DOES. THIS. SELL ???
( Answer: It- doesn’t- matter. Sometimes the internet is just a gift .)
Glad they went with this. So much better than their original title,” Beer Leer .”
Because nothing get me hungrier for peanut sauce than an historic tragedy!
“… but if you DO find a diamond in your dog’s ruff. Rinse it first .”
DOUBLE- THE- PUNS! DOUBLE- THE- BUSINESS!
( My guess for what’s written on their transgres room wall .)
( slow claps)( wipes tear)( stands up slowly)
( remembers that people in England PARTICULARLY like fish and The Who and’ 60 s nostalgia)
( slacken claps some more)
This one really sneaks up on you, which attains it an official entry into the,” I Tricked You Into Cussing” business name hallway of fame.