19 People Who Clearly Don’t Know What Satire Is3 months, 20 days ago
In the age of “FAKE NEWS!,” it can be difficult to discern which news items are real and which are spewing false, hateful information.
But satire? That stuff’s pretty obvious.
Even when an article is hitting you over the head with satire, some people still won’t get it.
These hilariously sad moments are captured in the Subreddit AteTheOnion, and they are all gloriously cringe-worthy.
Here are 19 of the best ones.
Tall Emma Watson
How could anyone think this is for real?!
Clickhole is pretty good with Photoshop, but it’s still pretty obvious that this whole concept is absurd.
Your mom joke
This is an A+ mom joke from the satire masters at Clickhole, and pixelly pixel-face doesn’t get it.
She died anyway
What this article does is point out the futility of striving for and celebrating the longest life possible.
And what this commenter does is point out that some people don’t get it.
Bananas still most popular
You know, there are a lot of useless “studies” out there, so I can kind of understand this one. Kind of.
The next one really hits the far right where it hurts.
Who’s the snowflake now?!
And on a separate note, It’s Veggie Tales. Veggie Tails provides a whole separate, terrifying image.
Eye enlargement surgery
This is so absurd it’s hard to believe that even these commenters actually believe it.
But then again, who thinks before they write something in the comment section?
This post starts pretty typically for someone falling for satire.
But then we get to, “No space, Earth is flat!” and now I have so many questions.
There are so many things in that headline that make it absurd beyond all reason and clearly something that no zoo would ever do.
I love how a headline about the WWE immediately turned into “the liberal agenda.”
They’ll really go off about anything, huh?
The next one is extremely insane, and it’s bonkers that anyone fell for it.
Obviously, if a horse bit a baby, it would be harmful.
And no one is going around giving babies to horses to bite. J, get it together.
Three years old
Have you ever read a comment and then just wanted to shake some common sense into that person?
Of course, you have. You’re on the Internet, after all.
That! Is! The! Joke!
Wowow this list is making me way angrier than it should be.
This is so silly and so funny, and I’m so mad that these idiots ruined this great joke by taking it seriously.
This joke deserves better.
How much do you want to bet that someone responded to this person telling him it’s satire and he said something like, “I know, I was also making a joke,” even though he totally wasn’t?
The next one will make you die a little bit inside.
This person clearly doesn’t know what the word “alphabetically” means, which is actually the embarrassing thing here.
Thank you to the second commenter for “Thatsthejoke.jpg,” possibly the perfect response to any of these crazy commenters.
It definitely would be terrible if it were real, but it’s not.
But also, I kind of wouldn’t put it past I.C.E. to do this because they are evil.
I believe this is a response to one time when he went hunting.
This person neglected to comment on why Chris Pratt loves sandpaper so much, just that Jesus is only sixth on his faith list.
Donald Glover/Childish Gambino
…They look super similar because they are the same person.
Share this with someone who will be equally as frustrated as you are to read these!
While You Were Offline: Transgress the Internet and Rebuild a Better One3 months, 20 days ago
It was a week bookended with violence, on the Internet as much as in the news. The tragic murder of Labour MP Jo Cox in West Yorkshire on Thursday resounded around social media in such a way that British politics rarely does, in big part because events in the USwhich is a clumsily euphemistic route of telling ” the the mass shooting that killed 49 people at an Orlando gay nightclub last weekend” have left us so sensitive to violence and horror. That assault, as much a hate crime against the LGBTQ community as it was a terrorist action, prompted multiple answers both online and offline. Yes, this week on the Internet was, like everywhere else, dominated by the aftermath of that nightmarish attack.
Break the Internet and Rebuild a Better One
What Happened : In the wake of the Pulse shooting, LGBTQ people on Twitter constructed themselves visible in a show of solidarity.
Where It Blew Up : Twitter
What Really Happened : Within hours of the attack in Orlando, as details were still emerging, it was clear that there was a homophobic component to what had happened. As the discussion surrounding Omar Mateen’s motives stirred, a sideshoot of the conversation turned to the simple, frightening fact that for the LGBTQ community, simply existing can be a political statementoffensive to some with closed minds, but also inspirational to others who lack any role models.
From that beginning went the Twitter trend # GaysBreakTheInternet, the purpose of which was simple: members of the LGBTQ community posting selfies and had confirmed that they exist, and that they matter.
In honor of the ones killed last night in Orlando& all over the world for being them, we’d like to introduce #GaysBreakTheInternet
S (@ saifwai3 00) June 12, 2016
K. Condor (@ iamBOOBIEkeeper) June 12, 2016
Slymod (@ _DaddyOnDeck) June 12, 2016
Daddy (@ drefamous) June 12, 2016
rosas (@ Artshawtty) June 12, 2016
PinkLipKillahh (@ OG_TriggaTre) June 12, 2016
Jaye (@ Vicious__Heart) June 12, 2016
derwin. (@ durwhen) June 12, 2016
tim tim (@ timothygeard) June 12, 2016
larri (@ LARRAYOX) June 12, 2016
jamie corbett (@ justjamiie) June 12, 2016
purple papi (@ Thynative) June 12, 2016
Rams (@ ramzelindistres) June 12, 2016
ty (@ frangifreckles) June 12, 2016
alexis (@ bottIedups) June 12, 2016
SPRINGBOOB SQUIREPIN (@ sluttyseagull) June 13, 2016
grandmotherfucker (@ ratfemme) June 13, 2016
william (@ sinamonnroII) June 13, 2016
Underscoring the bravery of the movement, there was a wonderfully defiant aspect to some of the tweets, too 😛 TAGEND
Tyrakj (@ 3stablish) June 12, 2016
lana del GAY (@ classifiedhoe) June 12, 2016
ryan (@ leavemeIoneIy) June 12, 2016
The Takeaway : Actually, we’re not quite finished yet…
What Happened : A second self-identification tendency launched on Twitter, with a slightly different focus: introducing the person posting, and demonstrating the broad, varied spectrum of those who are queer and proud.
Where It Blew Up : Twitter
What Really Happened : While #GaysBreakTheInternet was still running, writer and musician Dylan Marron( You might know him as Welcome to Night Vale ‘ s Carlos) posted a tweet that took an alternate view of visibility as statement 😛 TAGEND
I am a soft-spoken brown faggot man who wears his mother’s pearl earrings. And I love my queerness. Let’s start a #queerselflove hashtag
Dylan Marron (@ dylanmarron) June 15, 2016
Arguably less about posting photographs of yourself looking fierce and/ or fabulous, #queerselflove quickly ran viral as those taking part simply told tales of who they were, accompanied with images or not, building a world in which they were represented, visible, and recognise, demonstrating that there’s not just one fag narrative, but a world of them 😛 TAGEND
I am a quiet white fag person who likes to skateboard and I want to be a librarian. #queerselflove
lowkey lyesmith (@ istillhatetacos) June 15, 2016
Athena Jean (@ athenajeanp) June 15, 2016
I’d like my queerness a lot more if I stopped crushing on straight girls, but hell, the community experience is wonderful! #queerselflove
Mags is undead (@ nerdpalooza) June 15, 2016
VenGethenian (@ VGerUnlocked) June 15, 2016
I’m a fag human who survived religion, cooks to present he loves, holds compassion in highest consider, and won’t stand for hatred #queerselflove
Nelson Stauffer (@ NelsonStauffer) June 15, 2016
i’m an anxious brown boi who loves to dance but doesn’t know how to twerk properly #queerselflove
Little Latin Boy (@ Wilfreyfrey) June 15, 2016
Kate Leth (@ kateleth) June 15, 2016
I am a fag mama/ pastor/ writer/ knitter. I came out at 49. My kids still love me. So does my wife. #queerselflove
Martha Spong (@ MarthaSpong) June 15, 2016
I’m a bi femme dame in a long term relationship with a human! I am not invisible. I am here. I count. #queerselflove
Meredith Whitfield (@ hashtagmsw) June 15, 2016
All the hearts to those of you who don’t feel comfortable or safe enough to post in #queerselflove
Shauna Foley (@ shaunasketches) June 15, 2016
Monique J. (@ Sir_Phoenix8 8) June 15, 2016
Marguerite Bennett (@ EvilMarguerite) June 15, 2016
Brooke Hespeler (@ kellybluebrooke) June 16, 2016
Something that was especially beautiful about this hashtag was the number of messages like this 😛 TAGEND
This is one reason I talk about being queer and proud of it so much. It matters to those who can’t yet love themselves. #queerselflove
M (@ mxbarclay) June 15, 2016
and for those who can’t be out on the internet like that I only hope you know that you deserve love and respect and joy too #QueerSelfLove
hj (@ ohbadger) June 15, 2016
So much love to everyone posting on #queerselflove; to everyone who can’t be as visible; to everyone reading, caring, amplifying.
Jen Linnan (@ jenlinnan) June 15, 2016
to everyone who can’t participate in #queerselflove publicly bc they’re not out: I love you. I hope you love yourself too. Hang in there.
Nadine (@ nadinesantoro) June 16, 2016
The Takeaway : The tweets shared from the two hashtags above are just samplings; there are many, many more to be found. There’s a courage displayed by those invited to participate in either one, because as the Pulse shooting and the aftermath has shown, this is not a society that is totally comfortable with LGBTQ narratives yet, and only being yourself can end up being a dangerous thing to do. If there’s any upside from what’s happened in the last week, it might be watching the kindness and strength of people like those posting above.
Asked and Answered
What Happened : Donald Trump wanted to” ask the lesbians” about something.” The lesbians” made sure their answer was heard.
Where It Blew Up : Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened : Here’s another reason why it’s important for LGBTQ people to speak up: if you don’t, others will say things on your behalf. Like, for example, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump, who this week said the following at a campaign appearance:” For the homosexuals out thereask the lesbians and ask the peopleask the gays what they think and what they do in , not only Saudi Arabia, in many of these countries, with the gay community, be asking, and then you tell mewhos your friend, Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton ?”
Yes. Let’s” ask the gays ,” shall we?
” Ask The Gays ,” a new self-help reality indicate, coming to Logo this fall
Terrence T. McDonald (@ terrencemcd) June 15, 2016
TRUMP:” Ask the gays !”
THE GAYS: pic.twitter.com/ TKmDtWpxvq
Carlos Maza (@ gaywonk) June 15, 2016
TRUMP: Ask the homosexuals!
John Birdsall (@ John_Birdsall) June 15, 2016
Trump:” Ask the gays !”
Alp Ozcelik (@ alplicable) June 15, 2016
Trump:” Ask the gays !”
Sam Lansky (@ samlansky) June 15, 2016
TRUMP:” Ask the homosexuals !”
THE GAYS: pic.twitter.com/ PB55FrLZuI
Slade Sohmer (@ Slade) June 15, 2016
Trump:” Ask the lesbians !”
Justin Kirkland (@ justinkirkland4) June 15, 2016
Trump:” ASK THE GAYS”
The Homosexual: pic.twitter.com/ oirfqzDQnI
Ethan (@ ethanharv) June 15, 2016
Trump:” Ask the lesbians !”
Charles (@ charlesrockhill) June 15, 2016
Trump tells Ask The Gays
Reaction of The Homosexuals: pic.twitter.com/ Pi2HeLeXOW
Just Maybe (@ ShomahKhoobi) June 15, 2016
TRUMP: ASK THE GAYS! THE GAYS: pic.twitter.com/ jz8B5ORRkX
Tom Eaton (@ DorkyUdon) June 15, 2016
Nick Westrate (@ westratenick) June 15, 2016
TRUMP: Ask the Gays!
The Homosexual: pic.twitter.com/ A9nAvHoznq
Capt. Spike #Litten (@ spikepoint) June 15, 2016
Trump: Ask the gays!
Gays: pic.twitter.com/ HNt8bCmw 9X
Louis Peitzman (@ LouisPeitzman) June 15, 2016
I don’t know, Donald. Seems to me like asking the gays just led to you getting publicly humiliated, to the media’s delight.( Not that Trump has done anything to upset the media recently; oh, wait .) But you know best, surely.
The Takeaway : Hillary Clinton’s social media squad said it best.
Hillary Clinton (@ HillaryClinton) June 17, 2016
The Room Where It Happens
What Happened : Hands up, anyone who ever thought we would consider the live-tweeting of a filibuster. Well, funny story…
Where It Blew Up : Twitter
What Really Happened : Following the Pulse shooting, the gun control debate started back up–with a slight change. This time around, it seemed, Senate Democrats were going to try and do something about the political gridlock surrounding the questions, with Connecticut’s Chris Murphy launching into a filibuster Wednesday to inspire a vote on the issue 😛 TAGEND
I’m speaking on the Senate floor to honor the victims of the Orlando attack& demand the Senate address gun violence. #Enough
Chris Murphy (@ ChrisMurphyCT) June 15, 2016
At first, there was general, somewhat cautious support for what he was doinga sense that, yes, it was a good thing but would it truly matter ?
Danny Plaugher (@ DannyPlaugher) June 15, 2016
Dems are perfectly rallying around Chris Murphy right now, presenting an unbelievably clear, united front on gun control #filibuster
Ashley Louise (@ AshleyLLouise) June 15, 2016
Others, however, considered it as a welcome first step towards sanity 😛 TAGEND
Jared Frieder (@ jaredfrieder) June 15, 2016
#filibuster: Democrats trying to stop handgun massacres while Republicans trying to stop Democrats.
imfabulous (@ imfabulous1 3) June 15, 2016
Melissa (@ Mjkunited) June 15, 2016
Mark McNulty (@ McNulty1 977) June 15, 2016
Sandy Phillips (@ MamaRedfield) June 15, 2016
As the filibuster maintained running, however, people’s position towards it on social media started to change 😛 TAGEND
Shannon Coulter (@ shannoncoulter) June 15, 2016
Alex Hirsch (@ _AlexHirsch) June 15, 2016
Anne T. Donahue (@ annetdonahue) June 16, 2016
Of course , not everyone was thrilled 😛 TAGEND
The NRA is pretty unhappy about the #filibuster. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
Jim Demonakos (@ technogreek) June 16, 2016
But everybody else?
#filibuster and chill
Nev Schulman (@ NevSchulman) June 16, 2016
I’ve never been so grateful to a bunch of white men who wont shut up #filibuster
Batya Ungar-Sargon (@ bungarsargon) June 16, 2016
Jordan Horowitz (@ jehorowitz) June 16, 2016
Chris Murphy is Batman:
Tie still straight
Waited 4 years #filibuster
Sadistic Statist (@ TheXclass) June 16, 2016
Actually, as Slate reported, Murphy was actually allowed to take bathroom infringes. But even Batman has to pis. And, anyway, others had possible solutions to that problem 😛 TAGEND
Josh Charles (@ MrJoshCharles) June 16, 2016
As the filibuster continued into the night, Twitter get more and more excited about what was happening.
HOW CAN YOU SLEEP WHEN DEMOCRACY THIS LIT #filibuster
All The Way Up (@ ankurthakkar) June 16, 2016
this #filibuster is the best TV I’ve ever seen& also the best civics lesson& also the most humanity I’ve seen in politics maybe ever
zoe kazan (@ zoeinthecities) June 16, 2016
billy eichner (@ billyeichner) June 16, 2016
It eventually aimed after more than 14 hours.
Jennifer Mascia (@ JenniferMascia) June 16, 2016
The mission, it seemed, had been successful, with Murphy winning promises for votes on two measures, but as he shared on Twitter, that wasn’t the end of the issue 😛 TAGEND
This is one step. The fighting is far from over. But there are millions of voices calling for change. And we cannot stop pushing #Enough
Chris Murphy (@ ChrisMurphyCT) June 16, 2016
The Takeaway : Democracy wins! Well, kind of. The next day, you might have been forgiven for supposing the opposite was true 😛 TAGEND
CBC News Alerts (@ CBCAlerts) June 16, 2016
Every now and again, this really does feel like the darkest timeline.
Trouble, Trouble, Trouble
What Happened : Taylor Swift might have a new boyfriend. But he’s already the Internet’s boyfriend. What is going on here?
Where It Blew Up : Twitter, media believe pieces
What Really Happened : Let’s talking here something else to end on. Something more positive, more life-affirming. Like, tell, the start of a new relationship as captured via telephoto lens and uncovered via a tabloid tweet 😛 TAGEND
The Sun (@ TheSun) June 15, 2016
No, really! There are ” sensational paintings “ that you can see for yourself! But is the Internet is interested?
TAYLOR AND TOM HIDDLESTON WHAT IS GOING ON pic.twitter.com/ nOJI9EvE 4G
Hardcore Swiftie (@ Swift1 3Updates) June 15, 2016
i’m preoccupied with how awkward these photos of taylor swift and tom hiddleston are pic.twitter.com /8 xR3rr8D5k
elena (@ elena_yip) June 15, 2016
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s names virtually blend to construct Tilda Swinton and that seems important here.
Alison Leiby (@ AlisonLeiby) June 15, 2016
IS TOM HIDDLESTON ACTUALLY DATING TAYLOR SWIFT OR HAVE I Entered A TUMBLR ROLEPLAY FROM 2012
james potter danni (@ advmparrishs) June 15, 2016
If I put 1/10 th of as much effort into doing anything as Taylor Swift does into staging relationships I would be President
Gabriella Paiella (@ GMPaiella) June 15, 2016
Sorry I have to leave work and cancel all my schemes I’m having a Taylor Swift pertained crisis
Carina MacKenzie (@ cadlymack) June 15, 2016
Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift seem like a couple who would ask you to please not put your feet on the furniture.
Anne T. Donahue (@ annetdonahue) June 15, 2016
taylor and tom met at the MET GALA? call that a met cute
Becca Laurie, PI (@ imbeccable) June 15, 2016
Tom and Taylor are literally the most random couple in existence. Like its really weird for me even think about lmao.
celebsconfess (@ celebsconfesss) June 15, 2016
” tom hiddleston is in a relationship with taylor swift” pic.twitter.com/ YXoNOPekst
victoria (@ GAYPIL0T) June 15, 2016
My dream job would be to direct Taylor Swifts accidentally caught by the press photo shoots. I would have put her and Tom in a rowing boat.
Grinne Maguire (@ GrainneMaguire) June 15, 2016
Me When I come on Twitter and find Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddelston are dating pic.twitter.com/ DOBCbldusJ
(@ nanaAseel) June 16, 2016
but why does taylor swift and tom hiddleston feel like a punch in the heart? I like both of them, but…
THERAPIST: aaaand that’s our time
Dana Schwartz (@ DanaSchwartzzz) June 16, 2016
When you watch pictures of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston … pic.twitter.com/ WfVG4eNu 4x
Ginger Wesson (@ GingerWesson) June 16, 2016
It wasn’t just Twitter, however; actual media outlets got just as obsessed, with particular attention paid to the response of Taylor’s ex. At least there wasn’t anything else actually important happening this week, right?
Jesus Christ, Taylor, were all really focused on maybe finally changing some firearm policy here. WE CANNOT AFFORD THIS DISTRACTION.
Rainbow Rowell (@ rainbowrowell) June 15, 2016
The Takeaway : The bar has been raised for Marvel-related puns 😛 TAGEND
Please let Taylor Swift dating Tom Hiddleston result in a sung that includes the word Tesseract.
Eric Goldman (@ TheEricGoldman) June 15, 2016
Maxine Waters in her signature style: ‘I cannot be intimidated’3 months, 20 days ago
( CNN) “I am a strong black female. I cannot be intimidated.”
Explaining Humans3 months, 20 days ago
Read more: imgflip.com
More Armed forces-out personnels calling confidential helpline – BBC News3 months, 20 days ago
A confidential helpline has seen a virtually 90% increased number of requests for help from serving military personnel, an armed forces charity has said.
SSAFA said there were more than 3,000 calls to Forcesline from serving troops last year, up from 1,600 in 2014.
The service was set up at the Army’s request after four recruits died at its Deepcut Barracks in Surrey.
SSAFA said the rise in the number of calls “although not a cause for anxiety, is reason for concern”.
The charity’s chief executive, Air Vice Marshal David Murray, said: “Those who serve in our armed forces are by their very nature resilient characters. They are then trained to be the most robust versions of themselves, so for some asking for help can be a real challenge.
“It is interesting that the service men and women who are contacting us are choosing to come to SSAFA, rather than their own chain of command, as the ‘grin and bear it’ attitude within the serve community remains strong.”
He said it was “imperative” that the welfare of service personnel welfare remained a priority and troops did not feel they had to “deal with their issues on their own”.
“They have been there when our country has needed them and we must be there when they need us, ” he said.
A Ministry of Defence spokesman told: “The government is absolutely committed to the wellbeing of our armed forces and offer a wide range of support both during and after service.
“We enshrined the armed forces covenant in statute and have introduced a raft of measures designed to improve service life.
“The government works in close partnership with the service charitable sector on these issues and we value contributions such as this.”
SSAFA, formerly known as the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association, has a network of 7, 000 volunteers providing support for serving personnel as well as veterans.
Between 1995 and 2002, four Army recruits died from gunshot wounds in unexplained situations at Deepcut, sparking allegations of bullying and abuse.
The Army said all of the deaths were suicides but, in all cases, the families disagreed.
A second inquest is taking place into the death of one of those recruits, Private Cheryl James, more than 20 years after her death.
Among other things, the coroner will consider accusations that there were “shortcomings” with barracks policies on sexual behaviour, supervising of young women, narcotics, alcohol and accommodation.
In total, the SSAFA helpline received 21,983 requests for help in 2015, up 6% on the year before.
Read more: www.bbc.co.uk