Jonathan Cheban Is A Very Angry Man

2 months, 13 days ago

Jonathan Cheban, professional friend of Kim Kardashian, is not one to be messed with. We know this because we once induced the mistake of writing and publishing an article called “A List Of Questions We Have For Jonathan Cheban After Stalking His Instagram.” Jonathan “dont like” that, and we promptly got blocked. If we have a famous hater, does that attain us famous? IDK. But we’re not the only ones who’ve felt the fury of The Cheban on social mediajust ask some random guy named Trevor who stimulated the mistake of mentioning Jonathan on Twitter. It’s important to note that he didn’t even tag The Chebs( my new moniker for Jonathan that he’ll likely hate and then end up blocking me over ); he just mentioned his name in a tweet. Jonathan must either have Google alerts set on his phone to let him know everytime person mentions his name, or else he has a Twitter mentions intern, because he is incredibly thorough. Jonathan Cheban like the Bloody Mary of social media: If you say his name, he will appear.

So anyway, this guy Trevor wrote a gag on Twitter, as one does 😛 TAGEND

LOL, classic Trevor.

I did a quick. 2 second Google search and deduced that Above Average, where the article quoted in the tweet comes from, is a slapstick website. But I entail, I didn’t even need to do that, seeing as anyone with a functioning frontal lobe was reasonable to conclude that a rat is not earnestly employed by Kanye West to chew holes in his Yeezy clothing line.( But if one is, I want his chore .)

Most days when you tweet at a celebrity you don’t expect a reply, but Jonathan Cheban is no median celebrity. In some screen shootings “were in” emailed by one of Trevor’s friends, Jonathan clapped back in a DM. I would like to note here that we did not substantiate the authenticity of said DM, because we’re not fucking CSI. Also I would have messaged Jonathan on Twitter and ask him to confirm the tweet, but like I said, he blocked us. Anyway, buckle the fuck up, because this was Jon’s response to this( fairly innocuous and admittedly funny) gag 😛 TAGEND

Like, whoa. Way harsh, Jon. I appreciate that he’s taken a page out of Chad “I’ll buy your family and induce them my family” Johnson’s Twitter feud playbook, but damn. I would insert my commentary, but honestly, this message speaks for itself.

And in case you were wondering( I know I was ), Jonathan Cheban does actually own multiple companies, including a garb line, Kritik; a restaurant, Sushi MiKasa; a screen defender/ mirror product called Glam Screen; an amusement and lifestyle website called The Dishh; and a fast food restaurant called Burger Bandit that I am told has some of the best burgers in Lynbrook, Long Island. All of that info came straight from Wikipedia and not a direct threat I only received from the Cheban camp, BTW.

So I guess the lesson here is if you come for Jonathan Cheban, you best not miss. Now if you’ll all join me in a brief moment of stillnes for our Twitter mentions. RIP.

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