U.S. prohibition on imported hoverboards is literally the end of the world2 months, 2 days ago
Despite strong job growthso far in 2016 and a rebound from the threat of a major stock exchange crash back in February, the U.S. economy is tiptoeing toward total collapse. Why? That the government is just banned the importing of hoverboards. We are so, so screwed, you guys.
Hoverboards, the first real invention in transportation( and crime) since the glorious Segwaywhich we all agree was a successful product that attains you appear cool when you ride itwere going to revitalize our civil society and make people proud of being American. But no.
Take a good look at the future that simply slipped through our fingers. This could have been you, America. But you fucked up.
How does this doom our hoverboard utopia? Well, the average American can’t afford an American model. Brands like IOHawk and Hovertraxrun between $1,000 and $1,800 apiece. The device of the future, which is so awesome and not a dorky, dangerous flash-in-the-pan, was merely ubiquitous because we could importation that shit from China for $400. Until last December we couldorder it on Amazon, for weeping out loud.
OK, a hoverboardmight catch fire or whatever, but sometimes things have to catch fire in the name of progress. Small price to pay for a board that doesn’t exactly hover but does ensure you try to stay upright. Sort of.
Is this the America we want, where only the rich can afford to risk their lives on a two-wheeled fad gadget? What’s next, a war on vaping ?!
Well, my friends, it’s over. It’s been nice knowing you. R.I.P. the U.S. of A.