4 Borderline Creepy Things You Do When You Start Dating Someone New

2 months, 24 days ago

Readjusting to single girl life, I have gone on more dates this year than in my entire life blended: lawyers, industrialists, scientists, engineers, trust fund children, accountants, IT analysts, advertisers, salesmen. I have now officially dated EVERYONE in this city. A plenty of those dates were trainwrecks from the start: dead dialogues, uncomfortable advances, awkward remarks. But occasionally you really click with someone new and sparks rain down. Great! This is so exciting! Now what?

You Google them. Obviously.

But lets back up here. Say you dont know their last name. That happens sometimes. So then you plug in their phone number to White Pages and, voila, there it is. All of their glorious datum, entailing at the least their last name and maybe their age. Then you pause, is of the view that you at least know that, and start deeming other people you know who have similar last names.


I am very logical.

After you spend 0.73 seconds holding just waiting to see what theyre like organically, you realise God induced the Internet for a reason, and you are only insulting Him by not researching this boy on social media. Youd hate to be smited, especially right after satisfying this great guy, so you go for it. You click through the limited privacy permitted Facebook profile images, refrain from looking at LinkedIn because, dang it, itll tell them if you appeared, and you read any other little tidbits that Google decides to offer up. Usually its funny quotes from a college newspaper or random websites theyre linked to. Sometimes, though, if youre really[ un] luck, articles pop up about their relatives. Their relatives who are actually international fugitives who are not allowed into the country anymore and may have a made-for-TV movie made about the crime they committed. But thats merely happened to me once.

You overly critique their texting styles.

I may be partial since I graduated with an English degree, but come along. Demonstrate me y-o-u care by fully spelling out your words. Soothe it down with the text talk, lololol. And why so many exclamation phases ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I cant handle this.* screaming face emoji siren emoji eggplant emoji* Give me a properly executed sentence, and Ill give you my heart.

You start asking reciprocal friends about them.

Sometimes youre lucky enough( thanks to Facebook-stalking) to realize that youve got a few friends in common. So hit up that old friend-of-a-classmates-exs-roommate and ask what they think about this guy.

You make an effort to run into them in public.

The best hour for this to happen is when youre looking great and youre out at a bar with your girlfriends or, in my occurrence, my very attractive lesbian male friend. A less great time for this to happen is when youre as previously mentioned, but youre at a lesbian bar with said friend. The worst time for this to happen is when youre inside aforementioned gay bar and the drag queen emcee announces the strip competition that is about to begin, and you find yourself unknowingly watching the guy youve been ensure taking his clothes off for money.

And then you find out hes a regular. And then one of the guys behind you nudges you after noticing you staring, mistaking your horror for intrigue, and tells you you should try and get a date with that. BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE. But its almost okay because at least he won.

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