Girls, Stop Being A Jerk To Every Guy Who Even Speaks To You1 month, 30 days ago
I am the first person toexplode into afeminist ball of flames at the first instance of misogyny, sexual harassment or a man enforcing his predominance over a woman in any way. I have flipped many a bird in response to catcalling and held my own in countless debates concerning female equality.
You know it, and I know it — humen can be really gross sometimes. They can be creepy, entitled and only the WORST towardwomen.
However … not all men are horrible. Truly. I would even venture as far as is recommended that some guys are nice — respectful, even. It would be not only unjust, but also totally illogical to claim that 50 percentage of the entire population was rude and perverted.
Regardless of that fact, there are bitter females everywhere willing to swear that all men are assh* les whoonly want to swan-dive into vaginas and dismiss text messages. The flaw in this logic is that PEOPLE are assh* les. Not simply men. And honestly, I feel bad for them.
Well, some of them.
I genuinely sympathize with the single guys who simply want to go out, flirt with girl children and perhaps get a number or two, with no predatory intentions involved. I’m talking about the shy guys who get nervous and need beer muscles to risk public rejection.
One universal truth is that we all want to create connects( whether emotional or sex ), get attention and satisfy people who find us so enthralling that they swallow their nerves for a chance to strike up a conversation.
To maintain things simple, well restriction this discussion of sexually-charged interaction to one location — the bar. It’s thearchetypal place where people gathering to hang with old friends, induce new friends and look for opportunities to rub their genitals on someone elses genitals.
If youre in a bar, you have signed an implicit societal contract to enter a social situation and socialize with other carbon-based beings. Right? Of course Im right. Nobody sane enters a darknes, loud, crowded space simply to be ignored.
If I, for one, am indicating my belly button after 10 pm, its because I want attention, and lots of it.
This is why its so hard for me to digest the route females respond to men who approach them. All the women has either been a witness to or a perpetrator of the classic icy-blank stare and silent turning of her back when a guy asks to buy her a drink. Occasionally this sharp pivot is accompanied by an eye roll and jeering. Lovely.
I get that unsolicited objectifying commentaries are a dime a dozen to girl children and can easily wear us down to an exhausted, defensive and intolerant pulp. I get it, because Ive felt it, too.
But sh* t is it stomach-churning to watch an innocent guy who is attempting to hit on a woman the right way get iced out simply because she decided in 12 nanoseconds that she is not attracted to him.
Maybe hisapproach is off or hisgame is weak, but to respond to a harmless greeting with your back goes against any grain of common courtesy. Its just rude.
Before sitting down to write this, I brought up the subject of cold female rejection to multiple single, straight, heteronormative male friends. Each time I broached the subject, I was greeted with a familiar heavy sigh, which communicated a mix of instant recognition and frustration.
One of my close guy friends who understoodboth sides clarified, Theres a difference between turning someone down and being mean. Respect and rejection are not mutually exclusive.
I used to be this girl. I would ignore or walk away from any guy I wasnt physically attracted to who spoke to me. This was the result of a regular onslaught of sickening catcalling on the street of New York, which was so frustrating that I started to take my indignation out on all men.
It took me years to reach the epiphany that I was being a dork and frankly a big ol’ narcissist by presuming every living human who built eye contact want to get penetrate me.
Recently I made a resolution to simply be nicer. Handling negativity with more negativity is tiring and not the most effective solution to improving the males and dynamic. Maybe I could change the attitudes of a few humen by showing them some humanity and improve the way they viewed women.
Not too long ago, I went out to a local bar that is notorious for housing inexpensives beer and horny boys. Beer muscles plus testosterone equal plenty of male attention, so naturally my friends and I were approached.
I tried something new. Instead of turning away from guys I wasn’tinterested in, I asked them how their night was running. I responded to Hey with Hi, Im Courtney. Funny how simple life can be when you stop acting like a dick.
At first I expected my friendly attitude to be perceived as interest — sometimes it was, and sometimes it wasnt. When given a chance, a guy and I would makeobligatory small talk before cracking jokes or even having our friend groups intersect.
Often, the night would end without even a number exchanged. It was innocent and refreshing socializing at its finest, without the mean-girl shell. I felt much more like myself and style more comfortable with this vibe.
I would be lying if I said the majority of men who approached me didnt ask to buy me a drinking or for my number. This is typical, but my reaction became atypical.
One guy in particular — lets call him Eddie — may have had the worst game Ive ever seen in my life. He strolled up and begged me to take a picture with him, gushing that I “must be a supermodel.”( Eye roll .) Without a doubt, he had tried that line at least a dozen days that night and been dismissed every time.
But insteadof awkwardly wincing and walking away like my old ego would, I smiled and said, Thats really sweet and I appreciate it, but not right now. I hope you have a great night, though!
Surprise cleaned over Eddies face before he broke out into a smile. Clearly, I had been the first girl to give him five seconds of her time.
He said, You know what, youre really sweet. I hope you and your friends have fun, and I hope your family had a great vacation. He then strolled back to the group of buddies who were watching and undoubtedly expecting him to get the boot.
When I was leaving the bar at the end of the night, Eddie came up to me again and said, Youre so nice, I truly do hope you had a great night.
He was just an awkward guy failing at getting laid, but he still devoted it a go and approached daughters anyway.
I left that exchange with the polar-opposite feeling of having shut someone down in a rude way. That positive and relaxed feeling was coupled with the relief of fulfilling someone whowas extremely friendly in return.
This is only one example of how actions based on empathy began to attract more positive and respectful stances. Interestingly enough, the guys I was actually interested in seemed more comfy introducing themselves, because they could see that I wasnt rude or standoffish.
I will never sympathize with men who ogle and shout out at women like we’re kine at a county fair. They are gross and deserve to get their balls caught in zippers. Polite , normal guys, however … Im sorry those morons construct you look bad.
Continue to be nice! Kind personalities are magnetic, and have the potential to completely change the style we treat and see one another. Also, I hope you get laid.