I Lost 30 Pounds, Got My Dream Body And Still Didn’t Feel Confident

7 months, 21 days ago

It all started with a pair of denim shorts.

They weren’t short enough to reveal a bit of cheek( I’m not about that life ), but for me, the latter are brave and a confident statement.

I could hear them calling me in all their acid wash glory — a subtle rend across the thigh, frayed details and back pockets stitched closely together to make any booty appear perky( you can thank me later for that one ).

They were so Miley Cyrus’ Party In The USA and in a few moments of madness, I bought them. They were perfect, and I rushed back in exhilaration to try them on, envisaging everything I had in my wardrobe to wear them with on the journey home.

Would they be my new go-to-garment to give me the confidence I craved so badly?

I gazed at myself in the mirror with letdown as I tried to squeeze them over my thighs, leap, dancing and writhing around in every route possible to fit my body into them. I hurled myself on the bed in defeat shorts still wedged at my knees. They didn’t fit.

In all integrity, they were badly made.

The denim had no devote and there was no way they would’ve complemented my body shape. But it was too late, my intellect had started running away with me: Had I gained weight? Had everyone around me noticed my weight gain? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Were people laughing at me?

I felt like a failure. I never thought a piece of dres could trigger such impressions of self-loathing and, sadly, losing weight was the only way out I could see.

Months afterward, while the shorts were assembling dust in my wardrobe, it became apparent to me that appearing confident and feeling confident are very different things; body weight should not and cannot bridge the gap between the two.

I had lost around 30 poundsthrough vigorous gym work and healthy eating; I was the fittest I’d ever been in my life, yet I still felt self-conscious, with the expres of letdown still ingrained in my mind when I realise nothing seemed to fit me anymore.

We seem to attain every excuse in the book to create a distance between where we are now and where we want to be, in our lives and in our bodies.

Confidence will only be achieved once we’ve lost a few pounds; we can get into that dress from last summertime; we can proudly wear a bikini on holiday; we are comfy enough to wear scalp tight gym apparel( then maybe we’ll actually workout ?), once we can hashtag #BodyGoals and mean it on Instagram. Then we’ll be happy, right?

Body confidence is only a* insert your biggest body hang up here* away.

Finally, all my clothes fit like a glove, and people were asking me how I did it, how I was so confident and what lotions and potions I used to suddenly break out of my shell into the supposed butterfly I had become.

So, why didn’t I feel like one? Why “ve had my” body transformed, and I had everything I’d ever wanted, yet I still felt insecure and unsatisfied with my body?

Even if I had a flat stomach, it wasn’t flat enough. Even if my legs were slim, they still weren’t slim enough you get where I’m going with this.

There will be another level to reach when one has been completed, and the other flaw to widen the gap between the current situation and the main goal of total body confidence.

It’s so simple to become caught up in the idea of physical transformation that we forget the real meaning of being confident. It’s very much internal. It’s subtly woven throughout our daily lives without us even realizing it.

We need to focus on the confidence behind the words we speak, our faiths, actions and capabilities, our thoughts, impressions and interactions; everything our minds instinctively do on a daily basis to induce us bold, beautiful and, most importantly , human .

Our minds stimulate us confident , not how well we fit into some denim monstrosities.

Focusing on feeling good instead of looking good will build the whole idea of body perfectionism seem rather pointless.

Doing the activities that feed our spirits the ones that don’t feel like a chore — brings a whole new meaning to inner confidence. Naturally, curiosity will push us to discover more of what we can do. Confidence grows.

The next level will be reached. Confidence grows some more. Hello next level, then above and beyond.

Before we know it, we’re at the gym in the in those dreaded scalp tight gym leggings, sweating like never before, appearing a mess but who cares? WE FEEL AMAZING. And, oh son, does it show.

Looking after our intellect and bodies from the inside, and focusing on how we ensure ourselves instead of how others watch us, was eventually create an inner confidence that will glisten on the outside.

Now I read, I write, I’ve taken up yoga; I expand my knowledge on the subjects I care about because it constructs me feel confident within.

And that, my friends, is how you actually rock a pair of shorts.

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